While the baby gets bigger, I get angrier. I guess any man trapped in a woman's body gets a little rage-y, and isn't that essentially what we are right now? Last week I was ticked off because I ran out of crunchy peanut butter and at the fact that sneezing has become a water sport. It is kind of like kayaking, without the life vest and adrenaline rush.
This week I am angry at people on bikes. It doesn't matter if I am walking or driving, but they seem to be everywhere, and in my way. And I don't understand the trend of riding all over the sidewalks in bikes left over from decades past, sitting straight up with perfect posture and a bunch of crap like plastic flowers in the basket. Totally Wicked Witch of the West. It is called a sideWALK, not a sideRIDE. Grow a pair and ride in traffic. And then there is the idiot bike messenger who is trying to sue us. I am totally prejudiced against bike messengers now, and enjoy watching them get hit by taxi cabs and buses. If you sit and stare out the window at work long enough, you are bound to see it happen at least once per week.
Other than anger, my inner-man is producing even more chest and belly hair and a moustache. I used to be such a pretty girl...
The big bathing suit has gone on its test run, and has proven to be much less wedgie-inducing than my old one. It takes forever to dry, as the support system inside gets a little water-logged. I definitely have some room to grow in it, which is good. I don't want to go bathing suit shopping for awhile. It was pretty traumatic. And no one wants me trying on anything that intimate, just in case I sneeze in it and I don't buy it. Always wash everything before you wear it. You never know what happened between the clothing factory and your house.

bailey hearts jake

Here is Bailey, looking pensive, playing with her baby brother. Every time he kicks at her, she bats right back at him, and they go on for about ten minutes each day. She loves it when he is especially hyper, like right now since I just ate a peanut butter and banana sandwich for lunch. With Jif, of course, since I am such a choosy mom.

Thar she blows...

You have never really been bathing suit shopping until you have gone in the winter. Pregnant. Wearing only unmatching knee socks and granny-panties while you try to squeeze yourself into a million bathing suits, until you realize you need a size 16 to avoid the sausage effect. And when you settle on a suit that is one step up on the evolutionary scale from the clam-digger skirted numbers that your grandmother wore, you realize that moms just really can't be all that cool. I've accepted it. I may as well put on white sneakers, high-waisted-too-short stonewashed jeans, and a college sweatshirt with a turtleneck underneath and go shop at Sears. Luckily, this thing will never be seen outside of my gym, unless I donate it to Greenpeace so they can clothe the whales.
Most Speedos have names like Racer or Sport or something else flashy. This one is called "Solid Conservative" (pictured above- see how happy the model is that her hand isn't touching any flesh down there?)and it has an industrial strength support system inside that is similar to the intra-structure of earthquake proof buildings in downtown LA. If Amish ladies took time off from churning butter and shying away from buttons this is what they would swim in.

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday, and all is well. I thought I hit a milestone- 140 pounds, but then when I weighed myself without my purse and coat on at the gym, I was only 138. Two measly pounds up from pre-pregnancy. I'm posting that here because people love to ask me how much I weigh and how big, exactly, is the bra. (The answser to that is it's as big as they come without five hooks in the back.) I don't know what I was thinking when I got on the scale with all my gear, and the nurse didn't say anything because she had just gotten into work, 20 minutes late and she was a little frazzled. Oh well. I am measuring perfectly, and that is what is important anyway. My uterus is above my belly button. I should be getting big any day now! Just in time for extra attention during the holidays.
I also talked to the doctor about the highish blood pressure issue I've been having, and he said it is normal within pregnant-girl guidelines. He said to add a day of cardio at the gym and watch the salt, and we'll worry about it later if it becomes worse. This time of year is pretty stressful at work...'tis the season for overdose, suicide, and child battering!, and he suggested a cup of coffee or a glass of wine to relax a couple times an hour. Um, I mean week.
Dave and I will get the ceiling tiles put in this weekend (right Dave??) and then I'll probably call and order the carpeting. I'm sure that once I see the new ceiling in the baby's room, I'll want one too! I am still operating with a me-first attitude, and I better enjoy it while I can.

back to normalish

I'm pleased to say that Jake is in his regular resting place (can you use the term "resting place" if you aren't talking about graveyards?), and my belly has returned to what it normally looks like, not the freakshow that it was a few hours ago. And here is a photo to prove it. Notice the stellar quality of the self portrait, taken in the mirror with my trusty phone. It is as good as it gets for the official beginning-of-the-6th-month picture. Please take time to enjoy the maternity jeans.
In other news, Dave and I kicked off the holidays with at the first party of the season tonight. It may have been the only party I have ever been to where I had a glass of ginger ale and a cookie and called it a night. Johnson&Johnson baby commercials are right on the money- having a baby changes everything.

Weirdest. Belly. Ever.

AKA- half naked pregnant girls look funny. And I blame Barry Manilow. Last night at a wedding, during the first few notes of CopaCabana, Jake turned around to get his head closer to the speaker, and has stayed that way ever since. Apparently I need to get out and expose this child to different kinds of music, because he seems to be a huge Fanilow. And he loves other classic wedding dance song artists like Ricky Martin, Buster Poindexter, and sadly, Gary Glitter- who is actually a hazard to children all over the world. This kid definitely takes after his father, who is a dancing fool.
I had to take a pictures and share with you. It isn't often that you see someone with an hourglass figure from the side! Oh, and that is a gourd pointing at my butt. I swear. And I have arms, but they are hiding my giant boobs from the camera. Shy girls!! Sorry about the crappy picture quality, but the most high tech thing that I own is my camera phone, which is more like mediocre-tech.

name game

Now that just about everyone knows we are having a little boy, I'll post the name. After months of deliberation, we finally decided on Jake, or Jacob Alexander when he does something bad or gets too close to the stove. What a way to honor our strong Judeo-Greco roots! Just kidding. We wanted something that no one in the family or circle of friends had, and there aren't too many nice WASPy-Guinea names in the world that aren't already taken by someone we know and love.
I really like the name just Jake, but you name your dog just Jake, not your kid. I'd have been okay with it since I really wanted a dog to begin with, but that isn't the way you should shape your child's future. That would be selfish. Although I did buy a little froggy chew-toy for him, but it will pass as a baby toy. To make up for his first toy being intended for puppies he can have a human child name.

The past couple days have been surreal, now that we have a name picked out. It makes the baby almost human, good thing that according to the info below it almost looks like one too!
We have been talking a lot about child rearing lately- everything from the foods that will be allowed to extracurricular activities. Gone are the days when you could just put your kid down in front of the TV... It turns out that now the shows with the words Dick, Dyke, and Beaver in the title are not the same ones that they were 50 years ago. You have to be way more careful these days!

I am finishing up my 5th month this week, which is crazy. At the un-official weigh in yesterday at the gym, I tipped the scales at 137! When I go for my 6 month appointment on Monday, I will have something to show for the hundreds of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I have fed this kid. The baby weighed 10oz on Friday, according to the ultrasound, and probably a fraction of an ounce more today. I am definitely getting bigger but I can still hide the baby in some of my clothes. I just look a little, um, voluptuous.

Speaking of which, I now own the biggest bra of my life. I had to step it up to the DD. My cat was actually curled up in one of the cups last night. ONE of the cups!

I talked to my Aunt Janie last night and told her about the Cat in the Cup, and she said that she carried her babies the exact same way that I am carrying this one- she was skinny until the very end except for the big boobs. I take after her a lot more than I take after my own mom, so I go to her with questions like that.

I will also find out on Monday if they change the due date. The radiologist said that it may be April 1st, but I know that my regular OBGYN refuses to change the date if it is less than a week away from the original. Babies come when they want anyway, so he says that he likes to figure out the date the old fashioned way. I know when this baby was conceived, and I expect it in March. Although, I say that I will have a tax day baby. I was late coming into this world, I don't see why this one will be any different!

The big ultrasound went really well, Dave and I got to see the entire show, and our moms were here to see the grand finale- the announcement of the gender. Dave really wanted a boy, and I really wanted a girl, and needless to say, one of us went home ecstatic, and the other went home and was totally happy that everything is in place and looks really healthy. I will post who was the winner of this contest later, as there are some friends and family members who would like to find out from us personally what parts the baby has. There was no mistaking it- we got a money shot. Hopefully when the baby grows up it won't realize how talented it is with getting its goods on film.

The baby has really long Arrowsmith arms and legs like me and cute little M paws. It has my little head, thank goodness. Dave's head is big and looks like it could really do some damage to the old escape hatch. I am in my 20th week now, and the legs are measuring almost a month ahead of schedule, and the head is about a week behind. The brain and spine look good, and the doctor didn't seem worried that the baby would have a pin head. I'm not worried because I am cranially challenged myself, I just have big hair that makes me look like I have an adult sized head.

After the appointment, Dave went to have a drink or six. Seeing your baby inside of someone can really warrant a few frosty beverages. My mom, Dave's mom, and I went to Karl's furniture to pick out a crib, armoire,and dresser. We found one that that we all loved, and it was a lot of fun to do something with the moms. That doesn't happen so often because of the geography issues. If I can find a link to the set, I'll post it here.

Today marks the halfway point in this pregnancy. Three more days until the big ultrasound when we will see if the baby is cooking well. I am pretty sure it has two legs and two arms and a head, based on the last ultrasound, and they are all in the right places. Now we will see if they are all the right sizes. I have sucessfully avoided Thalidomide and most forms of radiation, so I am not too worried. I am betting that this baby has Dave's bear-ish legs, based on the kicking and bulging that is going on. We may also be able to see if it is a boy or a girl(based on whether it has an innie or an outie). Official weigh in yesterday 136.5- I gained a whole pound. But, I haven't pooped in 6 days. I'm no mathematician, but I think I know where that pound came from.

Dave enjoyed a trip to our nation's capital this weekend to watch his team lose. I took the time alone to attempt to shave my legs. It took two razors and 20 minutes for each leg, but I got most of the hair off. Now I am regretting it because we have a wedding to go to on the 18th. I'll have to do it all over, unless I find a pant suit. But, I'm not over 40 so I probably will stick to the dresses. I kept the belly hair, I still like it.

I also caught up with a few friends who I have been missing because they live my old life and I am in bed by 9:30. Sounds like the most Halloween excitement that I missed was a house party that was scheduled to have pudding wrestling in the basement, but by the time the guy got to BJ's to pick up supplies, they were out of pudding and he substituted 100 gallons of pre-cooked green beans. I have so many problems with dairy products touching my skin that I would have avoided the pudding, I can't imagine what new neurosis could have begun with soggy, stinky green beans all over the place. We did get to have a little Halloween fun, Dave and I went to a costume party and I dressed like Dave. I bought an afro wig that I trimmed down to about an inch and a stick on goatee. Then we both wore jeans, sneaks, and a baseball tee. One guy asked me if I was supposed to be Mr. Kotter. I was bummed out that I didn't get to do a big Halloween this year. It is the only holiday other than my birthday that I even remotely enjoy, and both were dampened by pregnancy. This baby doesn't let me do anything fun.

The mass transit strike is over, so now I get to sit near strangers on the way to work instead of walk near them. Always an adventure.

Yesterday marked the beginning of a trying time in Philadelphia. The public transportation is on strike, and it is worthless to try to drive into work.

The lots which used to be anywhere from $15-20 per day are now about $25, even $30 a day. You could park about a mile south of downtown and walk from there, but by the time we get the car, fight traffic, find a spot, and park, we would have walked there anyway. It is only about a two mile walk from home, so it isn't bad for now. When it gets cold out that will be another story. The last strike lasted 40 days. It is amazing how many cars are on the street. In our neighborhood, all the crappy cars that have for sale signs on them are now on the road, and the exhaust smells horrible. The are all driven by fat old men, who probably just dropped off the wife at work and kids at school(they are not to be confused with the old men who sit outside the schools in crappy cars even when there isn't a strike. They are there for a whole different reason), and travel back down to their neighborhood to tend bar and make sandwiches all day. You know the type. They wear warm up suits and gold chains, and they've had that Cadillac since 1982, when it was new and byoo-t-ful.

I went to the doctor on Thursday, and he said everything looks good. I gained 1/8 of a pound! He said it was probably the boots that I had on, but, it could also be the baby's weight, which is little but enough to be measured when I am weighed. The doctor said it is fine that I'm not gaining weight. He can see that I am healthy and the baby is growing, based on what he feels poking around at my belly. He asked what I have been eating, I told him, and he said that the food I eat was perfect- lots of milk (with Carnation Instant Breakfast for vitamins and extra calories), yogurt, pb&j, cereal, fruit, veggies, and protein bars. I miss chicken fingers, my junk food of choice, but they give me heartburn. I'm still a little grossed out with sweets and salty stuff. They make my stomach ache. I'm not one for chips and candy anyway, so I don't really miss that.

The ultrasound is scheduled for November 11th. Hopefully everything is in place, and they will be able to tell if it is a boy or a girl. I really didn't want to know before the baby was born, but I made a compromise with Dave and now that we will find out, I really want to know. It will make bedroom stuff easier to buy. I'm not really concerned about clothes, because I don't think that babies really care if they are puking on yellow and green onesies or pink or blue ones. By the time that babies are big enough to be dressed to go somewhere (like picture day at K-mart), they have been around long enough to pick up new gender appropriate clothes.