back to work

From time to time I like to check back on what I was doing last year at this time. Well, 12.27.05 had me starting my third trimester, and I felt really fat. You be the judge. I already know what you are going to say here. I know I was lucky but I still felt gargantuan, for what it is worth. No matter what you look like on the outside you still have a human child in there.

I guess you are all wondering how magical Jake's Christmas was. Pretty damned magical. He has loads of presents and Dave and I didn't buy a single one of them. I'm now wishing that we had bought stock in LeapFrog, because it must have skyrocketed over the past week.

Dave and I went to a friend's aunt's on the Eve and spent Christmas day with the same friend and his wife at our house, eating $70 worth of Chinese food and watching the Eagles win. Then the girls went to sleep and the boys stayed up late playing board games, fueled by the (non-alcoholic yet euphoria-inducing) Jack Daniel's coffee and the Hickory Farms Summer Sausage gift pack that Santa brought for Dave. Jake had fun pounding on his new boxes, poking at the tree, and getting attention from the houseguests.

Dave also scored a new clarinet from the Big Guy and I was so good this year that I got two (count them, two) little blue boxes under the tree. I really am a wonderful wife and mother, when measured in Christmas swag.

And my gift to you? I'm telling you to start reading AARP magazine. I am a long-time fan of the publication, starting back in high school when I would steal my grandparents' copy and take it up to bed with me when I would sleep over. My gym subscribes to it and keeps it near the low impact aerobics equipment. Everything in there is about living well, feeling well, and doing good things.
There are no anti-aging cream ads or eye makeup tips that will change your life. The only diet secrets are ones that will actually make you healthier, rather than skinnier. Fashion advice comes with the phone number to LL Bean, in case you want to order the catalogue. I said phone number and catalogue. Not email address and website.
The Jan/Feb issue was out today, and I learned that a half an hour of sunshine without sunscreen per day can help with hypertension, rheumatism, anemia, and a bunch of other ailments that are associated with a Vitamin D deficiency. I learned that heavy cream shouldn't be substituted with half and half, milk, or anything else in soups and sauces because those things have too much protein in it and will curdle when heated. I learned that our brains are wired for socialization, and we can actually catch emotion like we can catch a cold. Read this word: Yawn. Are you sleepy? Did you yawn? Sorry. I made that happen.
I didn't learn how to please my man in bed or how to apply lipstick that won't feather, I didn't feel bad about my thighs and wasn't tempted by a very expensive handbag. I didn't see any haircuts that I should get, and I wasn't jealous about a pretty girl's new engagement to some hot guy or their impending wedding in the Hollywood Hills. It's good stuff, and I highly recommend it.

That and self-tanner. It does wonders for the masking of cellulite and spider veins and pasty winter face. I prefer Neutrogena, and a lot of it.