real moms

Amy Jo challenged me to a meme two years ago, and I've been going through old posts trying to figure out what to keep and toss, and I forgot how much I kind of liked this so I'm reposting, especially since the powers that be are actually making me work at work. Can you imagine? Bastages.

Real moms sleep in someone else's pee. And puke too, if they're lucky. Oh, and touch poop with their bare hands.

Real moms have a slight chemical addiction to caffeine and self soothe with Hershey miniatures.

Real moms wash sippy cups full of rancid milk despite a neurotic aversion to dairy products and the way they smell even when fresh.

Real moms sneak a few beers in with a good friend to talk about marriage and communicating with your almost 13 year-old about sex, drugs, and rock and roll when they should be running numbers for their program and rushing off to pick up their kid, who happens to have just come down with a terrible case of a stomach flu but no one told her because real dads can single handedly deal with a vomiting baby who is practically peeing outta its butt.

Real moms have had a real good dose of sex, drugs, and rock and roll in their day.

Real moms secretly think their C-section scar is sexier than that hot little freckley/moley thing that sits about two inches northeast of their belly button.

Real moms can tell the truth about things that real moms do without feeling guilty.

Real moms are very relieved when they find out that they aren't the only mom in the whole world who sometimes hates being a real mom.

Real moms keep Cheerios all over the floor and furniture just in case real babies get hungry. Real moms just can't bring themselves to try to keep up with the Cheerio shrapnel.

Real moms forget to feed the real cats. And the real dad.

Real moms replace Pfalzgraff with Corelle. Real boy can take all the old stuff to college with him someday. It's totally 90s and all purple, teal, ecru, and green but it'll do.

Real moms can spot a dime on the living room floor from the back yard.

Real moms have a new respect for her Real mom, who did all this at 22. And then again at 25. Sucker.

Real moms are quick on the draw.

Real moms have funny boobs. And a butt that seems to get closer to the floor each day. Real moms make up exercises to do at the desk and in line at the bank that they think no one can notice to get rid of the drag the ladyhumps are experiencing.

Real moms take a break. Real moms know when to ask for help.

Real Lora is going to make several pots of coffee, sort through the basement, clean out closets, run to Target, raid Trader Joes, maybe scramble some eggs, listen to the Beatles instead of Life is a Highway, play with her make-up to see what is worth holding on to, make more pots of coffee that might accidentally get spiked with a bit of Devonshire, organize cupboards, shave her legs past her knees, apply self-tanner, schedule a haircut, vacuum under the couch cushions, and take lots of naps next week while Jake is away on vacation.

(originally posted on 3/24/07)