mommy-proofing your baby

I'll be the first to admit that at this stage in the game I'll let Jake run around and slam cupboards and drawers on his fingers and take a tumble or two off the couch just so he learns that there are natural consequences in the world that sometimes aren't so pleasant. Jake seems to be a once bitten, twice shy baby so he isn't constantly hurting himself on the same thing all the time.

Of course the few cleaning supplies I have are under lock, the outlets are all plugged, sharp knives and pointy things are kept out of Jake's reach, we have a smoke-free home, and even I don't know where the guns are (smart move, Dave). There are no buckets of water lying around, we keep the brat away from the toilet and stairs and his crib sheet is tightly secured around his firm mattress.

People often ask me if I am surprised about what motherhood is really like, or if I do things differently than I planned to. They are really interested about how I do things, being a professional in the parenting industry and all. Everyone knows I plan things down to the most minor detail, then I make a Plan B, a Plan C, and usually a Plan D, just in case. I usually have all bases covered no matter what because I'm neurotic and I need to have perceived control over every single thing that goes on around me.

I answer that I am thirty years old, I have several friends who have children, I work in public health, and I know how to read. There aren't too many surprises. I was truly amazed at how much a person can do on so little sleep. I find it absolutely incredible that I could love someone just a bit more than I love my cat. And I am extremely pleased to know that I can still be overly social and involved in everyone else's lives while trying to manage my own and my baby's.

I planned to breast feed for a year, and that didn't work out. But, I got over that and everything else is pretty much going according to plan. There isn't too much solid literature out there for parenting the under-two set, but there are guidelines about food, activities, sleep, and medication. Out there in the real world, there are two schools of thought to parenting the little ones:

There is the "Go Ahead and Do It, It isn't Going to Kill the Baby" approach. This includes feeding your kid pudding and cakes and juice and soda and chicken fingers and cereal in the bottle and Burger King and keeping them up past bedtime and forgoing a routine and keeping a diaper on a bit too long and giving them a bit more Benedryl to fall asleep and Tylenol for everything and basically doing anything and everything that isn't putting your kid six feet under but isn't really doing them any favors either.

Then there is the "Before Going Ahead and Doing It, Make Sure it is Good for the Baby" school. I subscribe to this curriculum. What is a better snack, string cheese or a cookie? Both are self-feedable and easy. Quick... better lunch... a burger with fries or a peanut butter and jelly with a yogurt?

We all know what is better for our kids. We all know deep inside that the doctor and is probably right and our mother is probably dated in her advice, if not completely wrong. Parents tend to go with what is easier or cheaper than with what is right or healthy for their children. Parents want to be smarter than doctors. They save money buying Chips Ahoy instead of a sixer of YoBaby, but it isn't the right thing to do. It's easier to let the kid stay up late and watch what ever it is that you are watching at eleven o'clock (Skinamax) than it is to put him to bed and listen to him whine, but it isn't the right thing to do. Top 40 Hits are so much more entertaining for mom than Shari, Lois, and Braham or whatever kids listen to nowadays is, CSI keeps dad's attention longer than Sesame Street, and we all know that ice cream tastes better than brussel sprouts. Unless you're Jake. Then vegetables and cheese are the best and the rest is junk. Sucker. He will believe anything I tell him.

No one said this would be easy, folks. Get up off your expanding arse and do something good for your baby. And for yourself while you're at it. And if you do, I promise that you and your brat can have a bowl of ice cream or a cookie after your done. Or you can be good and pick a book, a sticker, or a little toy out of the prize drawer in my desk.