mythbuster

There was an article on yahoo.com laying out how dumb people can be about pregnancy. They discussed twelve myths, a few of which I am about to debunk. Because everyone knows what happens with me is indicative of what happens with everyone else in the world. Because I am the pinnacle of normalcy. The article text is in blue. Read on.

It's not surprising that a large number of myths have arisen regarding the unique challenges associated with pregnancy.
Dr. Robert H. Shmerling, a physician at the Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center and a member of the faculty at Harvard Medical School, has unearthed the following sample of 12 pregnancy myths that he says can be safely ignored. I've never heard of any of these myths; but then, I've never been pregnant.

The worse your morning sickness, the more likely you are to have a girl.
I never had morning sickness. I puked once while pregnant, and it was definitely not in the morning. Jake is a boy.

If you raise your arms above your head while pregnant (as when hanging up clothes on a clothesline), the baby will get the cord wrapped around its neck.
I painted two ceilings when I was pregnant. And I keep all my favorite snacks on a shelf that my husband isn't tall enough to reach, and my greedy hands were always rooting around up there for a bite. I never hang clothes, but if I did I still think I'd be fine. Jake's cord was not wrapped around his neck.

If you get a lot of heartburn during pregnancy, your baby will have a thick head of hair.
Water gave me heartburn. Swallowing my own spit gave me heartburn. Breathing gave me heartburn. I gave birth to a monkey.

Avoid sleeping on your back; or, always sleep on your left side.
I slept on my back until 7 months. Then my belly compressed my lungs and I got lightheaded and woozy anytime I tried to. So I turned over. I read somewhere that the left side sleeping thing was never tested on humans, only sheep. I didn't heed this warning.

To keep your unborn child safe, avoid sex and exercise during pregnancy.
I went to the gym four or five days a week, walked everywhere, and did tons of sit ups until I was six months in because I was afraid of a mommy-belly after Jake was born. I wasn't allowed to have sex when I was pregnant. It was torture. I don't want to talk about it ever again.

You should not touch a cat while pregnant. Women are indeed advised not to handle their cat's litter while pregnant because a cat's stool may carry a parasite that can cause toxoplasmosis, a serious infection in the mother and a possible cause of deformities in the fetus. However, other activities, such as petting your cat or allowing it to sit on your lap, are not prohibited. If you want complete peace of mind about this, you can have your cat tested for toxoplasmosis.
I made out with Tyler all day and all night. I needed to get some action from somewhere. In theory, it was Dave's job to clean the box while I was pregnant. In theory.

If you are pregnant, you cannot have x-rays and should avoid microwaves and computer terminals. Excessive or needless radiation should always be avoided, pregnant or not, but you should follow your doctor's recommendations for x-rays that are necessary. Modern microwave ovens and computer terminals do not expose the fetus to harmful radiation.
I did try to stay away from my microwave because it was produced in the early nineties and I'm too cheap to buy a new one. I stayed glued to my computer, blogging about every damned thing that every happened to me when I was pregnant.

Don't take a bath if you are pregnant.
I don't wash myself now.

If the weather is stormy or the moon is full, you are more likely to go into labor, even if you are weeks away from your due date.
When I went to the Labor and Delivery ward, it was packed solid. My doctor, the nurses, and the doctor that finally delivered my baby days later all apologized that I had to wait for anything, blaming it on the full moon. Maybe I should change doctors.

Avoid spicy foods — they can trigger labor before you are ready.
I can't vouch for this, since by the time I was anywhere near the point where labor started I couldn't eat a spice if I tried. I would have gone down in flames.

Avoid bumpy car rides — they can trigger labor; or, labor can be triggered by being bumped in the abdomen or by lifting groceries.
I was the queen of taking the bumpiest path possible whenever I drove after eight months because I was ready to get that brat out. Bumps in the car and to the belly definitely caused some contractions a few times, but nothing productive enough for me to get my way. I lifted everything when I was pregnant, much to the chagrin of all the old ladies on my street who base their medical knowledge on Voodoo and hearsay. There is nothing worse than wrestling a five pound jar of peanut butter away from a senior citizen.

You can determine your baby's gender by the position of sexual intercourse when the baby was conceived, and by how your baby is situated in the womb.
I don't want to let out all my secret boudoir behaviours, but lets just say that I know when I got pregnant, I know how I was doing it, and doing it like that is supposed to be a surefire way to get a boy.

Woof.