jake's monthly

Before I had Jake I categorized women into two groups. One group told everyone how many weeks pregnant they are and how many months old their brat is. The other group was sensible and knew that no one cared how many hours ago they got knocked up and how many milliseconds old their kid was.

Then I got pregnant and I couldn't figure out how many months pregnant I was. If I am twenty-one weeks does this mean that I am four months because I've successfully completed four months of pregnancy or am I five because I'm in my fifth? But what about the books that start the sixth month at twenty-one and some months are three weeks long and some are five because they go by gestational stages and not calendar days. And is a month four weeks long? Five? Twenty-eight days or Thirty? What about when I was pregnant during February and January and those months have three days difference? It was all very confusing and I still can't figure it out and truth be told, it is one of the reasons I don't want to have another baby.

Now that Jake is born, I can't just say that he is one, because what if you think that he just turned one and he is an over-sized freakishly talkitive thirteen month old who really creeps you out and haunts your dreams like Dakota Fanning does mine? Or what if you think he is a slightly-slow twenty three month old and you assume that I'm not working with him on his motor skills and development and he is a little under-sized and you immediately call children's services because I'm not feeding my boy and then I have to deal with all that crap? It's really a delicate balance of the time-baby continuum that I don't care to upset.

Jake turned seventeen months old today at 2:48 am.