better

My marathon of doctor's visits is almost over!

I never see my primary care guy, so I don't even consider him. I go to the dentist every six months, but you should too.

Both my rheumatologist and my opthamologist (who did the LASIK) told me not to come back until October.

My ENT said my sinuses (or what is left of them) are functioning at 100% and I can call him if I ever get an infection but I'm done with him other than that.

My ocularplastician said that I can stop going to him unless my eye falls out again.

The orthopaedist said to come back next March and he will call in my prescriptions for me in the mean time.

The gynecologist thinks she got all the cancer so I don't have to go back to her until June, but I do have to see a chassis specialist in March for some nerve pain issues, so it isn't like I'm getting a huge break from the stir-ups.

And that's it. I've had at least two doctor's appointments per month for the past three years so this is the best news ever.

I'm practically healthy. A living, breathing, kicking, jumping, screaming pinnacle of wellbeing.

What am I going to do now?

How much sick time will I accumulate this year since I'm not using it two times every pay cycle?

What will I use to identify me as me if I can't identify me as sick me?

What gross-out stories will I tell if I can't talk about my rotten pumpkin head?

How will I make people feel uncomforable if I can't talk about getting giant chunks of vagina scooped out?

What should I do with all the money I'm not spending on co-pays and hospital stay deductibles?