So I guess I'm observing Yom Kippur today.
Kind of. Well, I'm eating. Crab. Grr. I suck as a Jew. But who can say no to crab mashed potatoes and a side of fettucini alfredo when the alfredo is roasted red pepper alfredo. Not this fat girl, that's fo sho.

I'm not wearing leather shoes! Back in the good graces of G-d! It's kinda hot today, so I've re-busted out the flip flops. My black toenail polish is disgustingly chipped and I have six festering blisters from all my new fall schoolshoes, making my feet look like Linday Lohan after a round of golf. I owe you a coke if you know that joke. Or- well- a bag of it if we are sticking to the LiLo theme.

I took a shower. Two points off. But I had a hot flash last night and I stunk to the high heavens to which we are looking. Seriously. Hot flashes. I've been getting them since I was pregnant. They bllloooooowwww. One leg out of the blankets, one leg in, fighting to take off my hoodie that has completely adhered to my soaking wet torso... Not as sexy as it sounds, my friend. Not as sexy as it sounds.

I'm not working! Two points back! But it's because I had to take a sick day to have the biopsy (no marital relations due to that- two more points!) and another procedure that is a little embarassing to talk about here, but suffice to say I'll be spending most of the day with my ass in the air, waiting for the bleeding to stop.

What?

Oh for petesake. I had a skin tag removed. There, I said it and I can't take it back. I had a skin tag down there. It was like a friggin' tail and I had it removed. Are you happy?

Yes, I had a tail.

No, I don't have it anymore so forget about asking me to see it.

For those of you celebrating, may you have confidence that G-d will accept your repentance, forgive your sins, and seal your verdict for a year of life, health and happiness. (I got all that from my desk calendar). For the rest of you bastages, get back to work.