shudder to think

I have three things I want to write about today. One involves real feelings, and may have to wait for a whiskey-mused moment because one of the people I want to type about is a reader/blogger/family member. Another people I want to type about is a non-reader/non-blogger/family member and is therefore off limits (call me if you need a guest poster). And the final thing is something that haunts my psyche to near sleeplessness but will make you laugh.

And the winner is...

I'll give you a good head-shaking chuckle today at my expense. Read on...

So, it's Christmas! As if you haven't noticed in my last eight posts and at K-mart/Walmart/Target/Macy's/insert-corporate-genericy-here.
And we are broke! As if you haven't noticed in your wallet/bank statement/credit card bill/insert-emptiness-here.

I mentioned the other day that we are going to start a collection of Geo Trash for the boy this Christmas. Payton's mommy forwarded me a (extremely helpful! thank you anonymous reader! and thank you for loving my niece!) email from a friend of hers that mentioned the deals she got on G.T.'s on eBay. Brilliant!

But wait.

When I was pregnant, the bed set that I just HAD. TO. HAVE for Jacob was rapidly selling out at my and your local Targets. I cried. And ate. And cried some more. And ate some more. (Please remember I was pregnant, and if you click on that link, please excuse the topless photo of a girl who was 7 months pregnant. Also, you may have noticed that I'm moving all my old Baby Steps posts over to this blog. So if you want to see how incredibly mad- I mean that in every sense of the word- I was while pregnant, visit the archives to the left).

I was absolutely devastated that my boychild mayn't have a duvet that matched his lampshades. Priorities are funny before you have your first baby, aren't they? Now I just make sure that everyone has their heads half screwed on before we leave the house and I feel like a wild success, and that carries me through the day by giving me high self esteem.

Someone at work mentioned eBay. Oh lord of lords and host of hosts! I can get any fucking thing I want on eBay! I can buy my brother the set of Bambi sheets he had when he was little (auction fail). I can buy my unborn son an original Star Wars bedsheet (auction win). This is fabulous!! I resolved to never buy anything new out of a store for my baby. Everything was coming off of Craigslist and eBay because I am slightly crunchy and I am going to be the best reducereuserecycle mommy evah! (Please also excuse the shameless blog promo)

Then I noticed that a lot of toys and baby gear were NiP (New in Package).

Then it hit me.

Oh Your God. (my god doesn't kill babies. must be yours.)

Those babies died.

All those mommies bought bedding and clothes and toys for their babies and those babies died before those mommies got a chance to open it up.

EBay is a haven for the goods of dead babies and if I buy dead baby's things I was going to wind up with a dead baby.

There is really no other explanation, right?

Right?

Well, maybe heroin addicts steal stuff out of stock rooms and truckloads and sell it for profit. But I don't want to go ahead and support their habits.

Srsly. Why is there so many NiP stuff on eBay? Baby clothes and toys=dead babies. Engagement rings and wedding bands=failed relationships. Antiques and collectibles=dad kicked it or ran away. What is a girl to do? Buy retail goods or buy cursed objects?

Anyone?

Anyone?