Oh come on! That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. I don't know where he got it, he has never come into my bedroom in the middle of the night. Mostly because I tell him to stay in his room because it is dark and he could fall down the stairs and I'm not one to baby proof my house. It's good because he never does that creepy kid thing where it's dark and all of a sudden there is a face in your face but bad because he calls for me to help him into the bathroom. I'm constantly shooting myself in the foot with the rules I set.
It hit me the other day that I don't see much of my kid. The 150 minutes between 5pm and bedtime are so grueling sometimes that I didn't realize how few the minutes actually are. And morning? Forget it. Weekends I see enough of him to wear me out. Mostly.
That's sad.
Not so sad that I want to quit work, because I am not cut out for stay at home momming, but sad.
This morning the daycare lady called me about 5 minutes after I left. My heart dropped. She has never called me in the 3 years she has been caring for Jake.
Then she told me to hold on a minute. Panic.
Then Jake got on the phone "mommy i love you and i wanted to tell that to you one more time so we both have a good day. be safe and come back for me when you're done. i'll be here playing".
Holy crap. I don't know what con he pulled to make his lady drop breakfast time for 6 mouths to dial my number but I'm glad he's tricky like that.
Jake fills my heart and my soul and my life to the tip top. I don't need anything else. I don't want anything else. I don't think of anything else. When we are together the world melts away and I don't have to pay attention to anything other than him. My ears are closed to all other sounds. My eyes are closed to all other sights. I can only smell the top of his head and that spot behind his ear. I can only feel his grubby little hand in mine or his little body straddled over my hip. I still carry him every once in awhile because I like talking to him eye to eye. It's a quite spectacular way to spend a few hours per day, as long or as short as they seem.
I know that won't last forever, and when it starts to end I will do my best to fill my time with things I used to love, things I can show Jake are worthy of loving. Books and music and bumming around town doing nothing mostly. Cooking. Eating. Visiting with friends. Maybe we can do some of that together, but most likely we will do it apart. But then we can talk about it later. Or not.
That's how it goes.
That's the way it's supposed to be.
That's how I know I'm doing all this the right way.
~*~~**~~~***~~~**~~*~
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13 degrees {comments}:
Aww, that is one of the sweetest posts that I have read... so cute! My kids sneak to the nurse to have her call me once and a while... the nurse must know my # by heart! LOL
That is so sweet! I'd have gotten teary!
I don't see you ever coping very well if Jake enters the teenage tunnel.
That has got to be the best cure for insomnia I've ever heard!
I don't see enough of Gabriel either. 150 minutes sounds pretty accurate. In perfect world land I'd work like 25 hours a week I think. That'd be good.
Ah yes, I remember those hours after daycare pick up and before bed. They weren't long enough or short enough all at the same time. It doesn't matter if you work outside the home or stay at home. It's the time of day. Those are the longest minutes in my SAHM day as well.
I can't see you coping with Kindergarten very well let alone the teen years. $100 says you cry on Jake's first day of school because you're secretly mushy like that.
That boy, he loves you!
you're a rockin' mama!
I love your relationship with Jake! I mean, at least the one you blog about! Its so freaking cute! You are such a great mom! He will so want to hang out with you and do fun stuff later in life. :)
Yeah, I see Tyler for about 2 to 3 hours a night, and NEVER in the morning... my in-laws get upset that we don't go visit more often because I, God forbid, want some quality time with my son. If it was up to them, we'd be up there, or they'd be down here EVERY weekend.
Personally, I don't give a shit what they think, so I'm not losing any sleep over it.
Anyway, Jake sounds like a great kid. He's definitely got a good mommy.
Jake is adorable and he must be just like his mommy.
I don't like kids. Oh, I think your kids and her kids are adorable, but as a rule, I don't like children. Barely wanted one. And I'm a terrible, impatient teacher. I get bored easily. I'm a rabbit, remember? Can't maked the recipe twice the same way. Ran $30M architecture projects. Climbed the corporate ladder.
I thought I'd hate staying home.
But I love it. Sometimes I can suprise myself.
In my dream world, your relationship with Jake is how I'd imagine a relationship with my child. I'm sure there are moments that aren't so warm and sunny but the moments like these are what must make it worth it. Hope you are spending lots of time with that precious little guy this weekend!
Beautiful, well-written piece! Jake will read this one day, and be so amazed with the wonderful way you poured your heart about your relationship through writing--I know I was!
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