Girlios,

If you ever want to feel really good about yourself, borrow someone's less-than one year-old baby and take it in public. But before you do, get your hair did and put some makeup on. You will look like the hottest mom ever and all the other moms will be jealous and will hate you because you have time to apply eyeliner and all the dads will look at you and wish their haggard wives look more like you do. If you really want to be hated, put on a flashy giant fake diamond ring.

Don't tell anyone that this isn't your kid or your real jewelry at any cost.

I'll tell you the secret to looking like a real mom. Ready? Before you leave the house, get a little bit of yogurt and smear it on your shirt. Just a little bit and you will pass as a mom, even to the keenest of judges. Babysitters and aunts will always clean up smudges. Moms are just too damn tired. If someone tells you about it, roll your eyes and say "story of my life".

Everyone will tell you that you look well-rested and beautiful. If you are anywhere under 300 pounds, people will tell you you look thin. Then you smile and say that you are breast-feeding because that really makes you a good person.

It's free, and you will be doing something nice for your friend/sister.