I have this joke that I say aloud for the benefit of myself and no one really gets it but I think it's wildly hilarious.
It goes "why does everybody always say that about me?".

Not technically funny, right?

But I always pull it out anytime someone asks me 'how do I get myself into these things' or 'how do I know someone like that' or 'why am I so weird' or 'why would I ever try eating that in the first place' or 'why would I say something like that out loud'. I pull it out because it reminds me that people notice things that I do, for better or for worse so the things that I do better have purpose.

It's fun to get myself into these things. Like tonight Diane and I are going to my cousin's house to look at dildos (-es?) with my family. It's not like I suggested it. My cousin requested that everyone come over for her birthday and someone will be there selling artificial manhoods. And there will be drinking. I hope.

It's interesting to know "people like that". I'm proud of the fact that half of my friends are smarter than normal and the other half would have been burned at the stake 100 years ago or that some of them look like they escaped from a traveling Midwestern sideshow. I'm not happy that I'm the bearded lady, but whatevs. Moustaches are a sign of dignity and maturity in a lady, and I have them all over my body. They're like grey sideburns on men.

I like being weird. I always have been. The words 'weird' and 'strange' appear in my yearbooks one hundred times over and not one of them were meant or taken as an insult.

Peanut butter and mayonnaise is incredibly delicious together. I've been eating it all my life. It exes out the stickiness of it.

And as for why I am saying things out loud, it's because as soon as I put them out there other people start chiming in. Everybody pretends they don't want to talk about poop and kinkiness and raw human emotion, but they sure don't hold back once you bring it to the table.

Have fun this weekend. Spring is finally here for most of us. Go out and do something weird and wild and wonderful that you will remember forever.