rants

If you know me in real life, or if you saw my Tweet (again, I'm sorry with the runover), you know that my biggest televisionary pet peeve is the appearance of a wedding ring in every damn commercial that involves a man and a woman or an adult and a child. Or genitalia. Or housekeeping.

If I believed what I saw on television, everyone with herpes is happily married and taking Valtrex, and the bride (it's always the man who has it), who loves her man despite his viral infection, still doesn't get scabby.

Kitchens are cleaned using a rag in a lady's left hand. Men don't clean. Especially married ones. That's why they have wives.

Erectile Dysfunction clearly only happens to old married men who still want to stick it in their 75 year old naggy saggy baggy wives. Eww. I've seen a lot of 75 year old women, and I don't want to bang any of them. I've seen quite a few 25 year old women who may or may not have a thing for sugar daddies, and I might consider pharmaceutical enhancement for the chance to get some of that sweet sweet candyass.

Every couple out on the town in their stupid leather interiored sensible car hold hands over the console, the man always drives and her hand is always on top, a gilded symbol of holy matrimony.

Every time people are sharing a bed (why people have to share a bed to advertise lotion or laundry detergent is beyond me) a ring is flashed. What married people do you know who loll around in bed all day? With their hands over the covers? Wearing jewelry?

Every mommy giving her new baby a bath in the sink is very careful to leave her rings on and the camera man is sure to focus in on her left hand that caresses her baby's pudding head. Really? Did you ever wear your rings when you had a newborn? Puke oozing between your wedding band and engagement ring, poop encrusted below your diamond, every prong a potential skin gasher?

Every daddy hanging out in underpants with his underpantsed son (this is why I shy away from Hanes. They still show little kids in their drawers) wears a ring.

It goes on and on and on. Pay attention when you're sitting in front of the tube tonight.


I'm still stuck on inferred messages. What kind of message are the ad execs sending?

And yes, I did say everything I said I said about the Hare in class and I also brought this up. I've been in class with these people for years, and they are only alarmed if I DON'T speak up. It was totally relevant. There was an ad for Courvoisier picturing Herbie Hancock dressed up fancy, rocks glass in an outstretched left hand, ring leading the way. The ad said, "I'm married, but I'm sexy. I'm taken, but get another one of these in both of us and we'll talk about that.". I'm not accusing Herbie of being an adulterer, I'm blaming the booze people for making him look that way.

What message are we sending to an unwed mother? She is just as capable of loving and caring for her baby as a married mom. What are we sending to those effected by venereal disease, married or not? Single people? Bedfellows without commitment ceremonies? Gay people? Children?

Is marriage really that important? Why? Can't we all just love one another and try to make our lives pleasurable? Can't we be good people/good parents/good sexual partners/good drivers if we aren't married to a member of the opposite sex? If we aren't married at all? If we are married and don't wear rings? I'm often mistaken for a single mom. Heads are shaken.
Or the opposite happens. People want to be my friend because they think I am living a similar lifestyle as they are, but when they find out I'm married they aren't interested in me anymore.

America really has to get over this.

And while I'm angry and spouting stuff that most people keep inside their brain, tune in later when I might talk about how I am furious at the alarming number (I didn't say ALL. Pitchforks down, please) of Holier than Thou Ultra-Conservative Religious Right Wingers who lack love, compassion, tolerance, and every other word that pertains to the message Jesus sends. Why are there more Atheists in my life doing God's Work than Christians doing WJWD? Why are so many of my Christian friends down on me for supporting basic human God-given rights? My Muslim friends don't seem to mind. My Buddhist buddies are into it. My friends who don't subscribe to any faith are the most selfless and eager to share what they have of them all. What is becoming of Christianity in America?

That is all. Something to think about/stew over on a sunny Sabbath.