Boyfree Night Two brought an amazing dinner and an okay movie.

Alternate Title: this is why I can't be a film critic, so you may as well just stop reading now unless you've had 4 pots of coffee today like I have.

So, after dinner we watched The Wrestler starring Mickey Rourke who I thought was dead or at least better looking and that chick from My Cousin Vinny who is just like the Nanny but not the Nanny and that other girl with the brown hair who didn't play Juno I don't think but she was in that MTV documentary where she slept with Marilyn Manson or maybe that was her real life but she is practically a child oh! and I think she was in Running With Scissors but I don't know because I only read the book.

I pretend like I'm really smart and I only read the books and never watch the movies even though that is SO annoying to everyone I know. And then I'm all like "but that's not how it REALLY goes because in the book this is what happens" and what I mean to say is "they really dumbed down that movie because people like you just can't handle something so deep as literature".

I've heard of the movie before, kind of. I thought it was about the guy from that movie Mask (the one with Cher, not Jim Carey) who was rekindling his relationship with his estranged stripper daughter once his wrestling career was over.

The beginning was so gross and bloody and violent that I almost puked my pants so I stuck my nose in a book that I'm really enjoying- that was written by one of my readers who is constantly inflating my head by telling me I'm a good writer so I bought the book- until the hospital scene. I'm not so crazy about watching wrestling because no.offense.but I'm not a 12 year old boy stuck in a trailer with a loserboozer father and/or a chainsmoking mom and it's not 1986 anymore. I don't want any parts of it. It was horrible and unexpected and whenever I see someone getting hurt I can only think about what if that were to happen to Jake and it makes me want to die and since I can't hold Jake right now and since I watched that fight on Saturday night and watched some dudes face and scalp spin loosely around his skull I'm a little on edge about gore.

Then the girl who I thought was supposed to be the not-Mask's daughter wasn't. I found that out when she was giving him a lapdance and her pierced little naked baywatchers were bouncing off her not-dad's head. It was confusing for a second.

Then I was obsessed about whether that bleached out spiral perm totally nineties mess was really Mickey's hair or a weave and how do the tattoos that movie stars have in films work because they are really amazingly done but not real so I had to Google that and I think I must have missed something because then there was some stuff that happened and then there was a coked up sex scene and then I was back on track again and even though I was both thirsty and in need of a good pee I didn't want to get up because I paid $4.99 to watch this, dammit, and I wasn't doing a good job and I never know whether to drink first or pee first because if I hear water I might pee my pants a little but if I pee first I sometimes secretly wonder what my pee tastes like and whether people really drink it if they are stranded at sea and oh, gah, that guy in college who would gargle with his own pee before singing in church and I don't think that God intended us to rinse our mouths with our filth just to sound halfway decent in his house. It's gross. And complicated. And best avoided altogether if I can help it.

Then things fell into place and I decided it was a really good movie for about 15 minutes out of the entire 111 and I'm not sure if he died at the end or not so I cried a little bit anyway but thinking about seeing Marissa Tomei naked made me feel lots better because she is really hot except for when she is dressed or talking and then I went to bed for ten hours.