free

If I didn't know how much it pains some of you moms to hear this, I would tell you all about how Jake is at my dad's house all. week. long.

Whatever shall I do?

Last night Dave and I kicked it off by eating ice cream on top of marshmallow-filled cones and raw sugarcookie dough for dinner in front of a Netflixed Season One of 30 Rock. Awwww yeah. That'sa way we do when we don't hafta set no examples.

Tonight, dinner at The Palm since we don't have to pay for daycare or feed a hungry mouth this week. Plus we have coupons and know the waiter which means it's not awkward to use them. Why is it that I'm always weirded out by getting a discount in a restaurant?
And I can drink my weight in whiskey without revealing my magnificent tolerance for the stuff to a stranger who may silently judge. Maybe I can get Dave loaded too, and convince him that he should stop around the corner and buy me a new necklace for Mother's Day, despite the fact that I think it is a dumbass pretendo holiday that I refuse to celebrate.

Gifts just for being everydaywonderful, on the other hand, are never dumbass and always accepted.

I still have a list full of things to accomplish that didn't get done last time Jake was at his grandparent's, so maybe this will be the week the touch up paint gets done and the old toys get sorted and a bookcase is purchased and assembled and my dressers and closets get cleared.
And I want to get 8-10 hours of sleep each night and wake up naturally. No alarms, no child, no problems.
I'm considering getting my hooves shaved down professionally, they still have a layer or seven of winter on them. Can you catch swineflu from a pedicure? I'll wear a condom just in case.
I wish I needed a haircut, but I don't.
I wish it wasn't supposed to rain all week, but it is.
Tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo, and I will be officially Mexican for the day.
(upside down questionmark)y usted, quiere ser Mexicanos conmigo?
Bueno.
(upside down exclamation point)vamonos!
If someone feels like bringing tequila on Wednesday, I'll make Miercoles Chili. I love to stretch out a holiday. Especially a fun one. Should I buy a pinata? I know where to get them cheap. And authentic.
And filled with actual Mexicans.
But the American kind. Not the viral kind.
Never mind.

What would you do if you didn't have to be a mom this week? Let me know and I'll do it for you and tell you all about it.