fever: brat

6.04.2009

brat

And just in case you think I think that my kid is perfect and wonderful?
No.
He's actually been a bossy, impatient, bad listening, swearmonster lately.

Ask him to do something and he says "dammit" under his breath while he tosses his McQueens across the room so you are sure to know you are interrupting his day.
Ask him to do something and he pretends that he doesn't hear you.
I don't know which is worse.

He doesn't ask you to do something, he commands you to do something.
He doesn't ask you to do something eventually, he wants it now.

He wants the world,
He wants the whole world.
He wants to lock it all up in his pocket
It's his bar of chocolate
According to his tiny little brain.

I think it's high time to bust out the dusty old Beta tape of Willy Wonka and threaten him with trips down that icky snakey screamy chicken-beheady boat tunnel and horrid fates of candyland plumbing blueberry pressing bad egg dropping television shrinking. Or worse.

20 degrees {comments}:

Rinny said...: you mean he has a side that isn't rainbows and lollipops and perfect all the time? Well you could have fooled me.; June 4, 2009 12:43 PM
Children of the Nineties said...: Ha, I'm glad I'm not the only one who interpreted Willy Wonka as a threat as a child.; June 4, 2009 1:02 PM
Lizzi said...: Beau never "hears" me. And when you ask he laughs his "haha the jokes on you mama" laugh. And his dammit is "nasty." It's old.; June 4, 2009 1:09 PM
Jen said...: If you're talking about the Willy with Gene Wilder and not Johnny, it should definitely work. I have to say, Gene Wilder scares the hell out of me.; June 4, 2009 1:11 PM
Little Ms Blogger said...: Or show him Chitty Chitty Bang-Bang and threaten him with the jail that all the little kids are put into. I can't remember why, but it scared my ex as a child.; June 4, 2009 1:13 PM
M.J. said...: Preparation for the teenage years!; June 4, 2009 1:33 PM
MaBunny said...: hehe, yuppers, been there, still doing that! my daughter at 10, is doing a bit better, but omg trying to get her to do something is like pulling teeth sans novacaine, lol.
She is getting a bit better though, but things are about to change since one of her grandmas is moving in with us!; June 4, 2009 3:30 PM
Zip n Tizzy said...: Oh just take him to see UP!
That'll scare the pants right off him. At least it worked here.; June 4, 2009 4:30 PM
Emma said...: Hehe, I'm 20 and on occassion I still pretend not to hear my mum - hopefully it's something that Jake will grow out of a lot quicker than I did!; June 4, 2009 4:47 PM
DNA said...: my personal favorite is when you ask them NOT to do something for their own safety and they SMILE at you and DO IT ANYWAYS because they "wanted to."; June 4, 2009 6:02 PM
Joanna said...: The fact that he mutters "dammit" under his breath makes me smile. I work in childcare, and I've literally had a two-year-old scream the word "whore" at me. Consider Jake refined.

And if Willy Wonka doesn't work, maybe Coraline will. When you're cowering in the corner of a different room as he watches, he'll smell your genuine fear and it shall pass on to him. I apologize if this tip someday puts Jake and/or you in therapy.; June 4, 2009 6:39 PM
Children of the Nineties said...: PS I have an award for you on my blog :); June 4, 2009 7:12 PM
susanlindgren said...: The gypsies. I was always afraid of the gypsies. And "The Man" The Russian spies that contacted my mom, the wine rack was her special communicator. The old lady in the apartments next to our house who watched us while she sat on the toilet. Bloody Mary.
My brother crapped his pants every time he saw Max Headroom. We convinced him when you pull the laundry pole in our back yard the world ended.
Frick-No wonder I am so screwed up-; June 4, 2009 7:14 PM
Hannah Banana said...: That's why I don't have any kids yet! ;); June 4, 2009 7:56 PM
Amanda said...: Yes, we go through phases of this in our house. This is where I do things like make my 8yo scrub the toilet for HIS lack of aim. I aim just fine because I sit. I'm also not above making him help me sort laundry, put it in the washer, switch loads, fold, etc. You think I'm your servant? Guess again.

When I saw the title, I thought you were going to talk about yourself LOL. Jake is 3. They're called the Mother F'ing 3's for a reason. 2 is a freakin picnic compared to 3 imo.; June 4, 2009 9:15 PM
A Free Man said...: I assume you mean the original Willy Wonka, not the creepy pedophile remake. The latter would just be mean.; June 5, 2009 5:47 AM
Joe said...: When you say he's a swearmonster.... is "dammit" the extent of it, or does he have an actual pottymouth? I mean, is he all like, "Where the f*** is my juicebox?" and you're all like "Where did you learn that word!?" and he's all like, "What word? Juicebox?"; June 5, 2009 6:28 AM
Bridget said...: Just the thought of a small child throwing a toy car and mumbling "damnit" under his breath has made my day. It's totally just like Pearl.
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/74/the-landlord-from-will-ferrell-and-adam-ghost-panther-mckay; June 5, 2009 12:38 PM
Lucy said...: I have always referred to my two as "my little urchins" boy, the stories I could tell about my two. AND, they would say, "the stories we can tell you about our mom."; June 5, 2009 3:03 PM
lacochran said...: Gene yes. Johnny no. Willy yes. Charlie no.

Willy Wonka [after Veruca falls down the chute]: She was a bad egg.

Roald Dahl is terrifying. And wonderful!; June 8, 2009 5:38 PM

6.04.2009

brat

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