People will think I have an adjustment disorder or an anger management problem or some sort of problems with sobriety or something.
Clearly I have some underlying decades-old issues that, through the miracle of blogging and follow-up email conversations with my extremely insightful and experienced readers and years of therapy and walking around the block eighty times with 79 different mental health professional co-workers, I have worked my way through at an impressionably measurable pace.
The take home lesson is, if you don't want to make my neckhairs stand up:
Don't blame others for your problems.
Don't assume that I will judge your flaws.
Take ownership of yourself and your actions.
Find strength in yourself before you seek it elsewhere.
Leave well enough the hell alone.
I like helping people, I like when people help themselves. No one should have to live with an addiction, so I'm very happy when people work to clean themselves up. This is the first time I think I've ever really been angry like this. The fact that this is the first time in 6 or so years that I heard from this girl gets me in a bunch. The fact that she basically felt she needed to bring me into her Step 8&9 amends-making to let me know that she was sorry she let me turn her into an alcoholic makes me want to spit. That's not what she is supposed to be doing, I hope she is ready to have come this far along. I hope she doesn't crash. I've never even bought her a drink. She was drunk when I met her. It was 11am. At work.
Taking care of someone in a drunken stupor is not enabling that person to put themselves in a drunken stupor.
Maybe it is. Who knows.
It's done.
I'm taking the rest of the week to re-focus on the glad parts of getting older, not the sad bad mad parts.
***
I'm wondering if I should write one of those About Me sections for my blog. Does anyone really care? Is there anything really left that I haven't already shared here that I'm willing to put on the internet?
It's just that I love the About Me sections. It's my favorite part of everyone's blog.
I can't believe I'm having a hard time coming up with an essay on myself.
20 degrees {comments}:
perspective does take 80 walks around the block with one's self, 'cept if you can do it in 12 easy steps and skip to the end w/o doing the work? not so much.
sunny weekend ahead---enjoy! we're going to the lame ass local circus despite any and all ethical objections. I'm in it for the cotton candy.
Do an about me section! I love those too.
You know, addiction is serious, but 12 step programs are funny. Look at the statistics, they just arent very succesful.
The only time any of those programs are succesful is when the person has reached the point where they are really ready to be finished with the addiction. Sometimes that happens and sometimes it doesnt.
And, truth be told, you really dont need 12 steps at that point, but rather just some basic guidance in getting your life straightened out.
Playing the blame game is part of the definition of an addict. It certainly has nothing at all to do with recovery.
And as for the barber shop, I have been more than a few times, sat with my son, and left without a haircut.
Bottom line, fuck her and the rock she crawled from out under. I hardly even remember the dumb bitch.
I don't know that much about the 12 steps, but I doubt their underlying goals is to point fingers and find other people on whom to lay the blame for your problems. You're right, it should be about taking ownership over yourself and your actions.
And I would definitely read your about me section, I love those. I haven't been able to come up with anything for myself, but maybe I'm just not that interesting.
you already have an about me section. i think they call it a 'blog' weirdest thing.
some blogs are about other things, those peeps might take use of an about me section. for others, who write about themselves and their musings, and about me section is really just another post in a different place.
i'm a pro enabler. maybe the best. i'm actually that good. (oh, and humble, too. maybe the humblest.) constantly sober, and constantly saying 'why not'.
I don't think anyone has a right to blame an addiction on anyone but themselves. Except for maybe babies born to crackhead mamma's but that's an all together different subject.
You either do or don't have the courage, strength, will to stop an addiction. You do or you don't. Simple. Blaming someone else for anything really, just shows how ignorant you really are. I'd tell the drunkin hoopler to jump off a bridge into a vat of booze.
I'm about clueless to an about me page, can't think of anything to put on it.
An enabler can't enable someone who isn't already ready to be enabled. Or something like that. Bottom line, this world would be a much less pissy whiny place if we'd all just man up and take responsibility for our own (in)action. I can totally see why you would be pissed with what I'm imagining this situation to be.
That said, I've been known to subscribe to a blog simply because I thought the author had a witty About Me section. I like feeling like I've gotten an glimpse beyond the published curtains. Of course, as troglodytis suggested, this blog is more or less one About Me post after another. Your openness and honesty here go so far past the published curtains, right past the couch and straight into the kitchen, shoes kicked off and bread crumbs stuck to elbows because there is nothing more cozy than those barefoot conversations that go nowhere and everywhere at the same time, only to be interrupted by reaching for another bit of this or a sip of that. That's why I keep coming back.
you said it beautifully. i wish people would leave well enough along, too.
you should fill out the About Me! i love reading those too. i wish i could make mine more clever.
I like everyone else's about me. I'm not in love with mine though.
I have to admit your "ranting anonymous" post really made me mad and another blogger's post inspired me too so I had to write a post about it today.
Oh, I should clarify, not mad at you, mad at the idea of 'blaming' you.
I'm over people blaming others for their life situations. When you are an adult you make your choices. I understand addiction is rough but you have to own it, not pass the buck.
I'm thinking of a blog makeover and doing an about me tab too and other things!!!
I loved it.
And I hardly even drink.
I think you should have a contest for your readers to see who can write the best "About Me" (You) section for you. I bet you would read so many great things and who doesn't like that? From what I can tell from comments, as I have mentioned before, you have some wise and wonderful readers so the entries would be fun to read. Plus, it is always easier to write about someone else. I am far too busy (read:lazy) to write anything, but I will throw in a few "What she saids" when someone writes something good.
As someone who has worked the Steps, I can honestly say that the step program is not meant to blame anything on anyone. It is an opportunity to clean your side of the street by making amends for things that you did, not what anyone else did. The girl who "let" you do something is not making amends, and doesn't know shit about the program.
And yes, sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. It works well when the addict continues to work the program. It's not like re-hab where you are done in so many weeks. It's for the rest of your life. The people who can't accept the fact that they will always be an addict (even though they could be a recovering addict) have a lot of growing yet to do.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
1. Yes, you should write an about me.
2. I've been thinking about your last post and stuff and I owe you a proper e-mail which I will send to you. By no means was I pissed off or anything. It is impossible to piss me off - go on, try, I dare you.
3. You're right. The way you describe it, she's not doing it right.
Like you said, it's all about owning your OWN mistakes and moving on. That's where the real recovery takes place for all of us.
I can't believe you're having a hard time writing an About Me section for your blog either. You could start by linking some of your past posts. But then you run into the problem of which ones to link. Your whole blog is a great "About Me" in general.
Holy cow. She made amends by blaming you for her drinking? AA: yer doing it wrong!
Definitely do a ME section!
Sounds like she's trying to re-enmesh.
Resist Lora... Do not enmesh!
Can we post your take home lesson on every street corner and lamppost and stop sign and door and everything?
I hate hate hate the blame game. Hate it with a passion.
I would so read your "about me" section.
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