corny

When I was little I never really understood the whole "you are what you eat" thing.
I thought maybe my arms and legs were made like chicken drumsticks one week if we ate chicken and like ham hocks the next if we had porkchops.

I had issues.

Issues so bad that one time I cried because my grandmother was eating giblets, and I was worried that because I didn't eat hearts I might not have a heart left for very long.

These are the things I thought of before bed. No wonder it took me three hours, on a good night, to fall asleep as a kid. Now I think of more important things before bed. Like last night I wondered if Star Jones' mom used to tickle her and sing "tickle tickle little Star" because that would totally be a mommybaby game in my house if I had a baby named Star. Did you know that Star isn't her real first name? Of course not, it's Starlet. No one names their baby Star.

Anyway. You are what you eat.
But do you know what your food eats?
Corn.
Corn is cheap and easy and cheap.
Corn is the your mom joke of the vegetable world.

Like beef? That cow probably ate corn all it's life.
Pork? Corn fits nicely into the troughs.
Chicken? Most are corn fed.
Eggs come out of corn fed chickens.
Milk comes out of corn fed cows.
Cheese and yogurt comes from that milk.
Did you ever notice how everything in the dairy aisle has been squeezed out of tits and vaginas?
I have.

And those animals aren't eating the farm fresh corn that we are buying on roadside stands. Oh, no. They are eating industrial corn.
Robot corn.

And corn is sometimes fueling the tractors that pick corn and the trucks that deliver corn to the animals and the trucks that deliver the animals to the chop house and then the animal parts to your grocer's meat case.
And corn is in corn syrup, surprisingly. That glass of Coke has corn in it. Sometimes my poop has corn in it.

Corn, corn, corn, corn, corn, corn, corn.

I wonder how much corn is in my body. If they ran a drug test on my hair, would they find the chemical components of corn? Probably. No wonder it's so silken soft. With tiny bugs in it.
I wish I could come up with something clever about my ears being ears of corn, but it's too early in the morning for all that.
I have corn coming out of my ears? No. That reminds me of potatoes in your ears, which is a nice way of saying "get a Qtip".

Have you ever heard of feedlot bloat? It's basically what happens to cornfed cows because they are supposed to eat grass, not corn. They suffocate on the gas buildup in their bellies. Ever see the movie Se7en? That fat guy and the spaghetti? Yeah, like that.

So corn.
It's big business.