girl stuff

I'm hoping my morning isn't any indication of how my day is going to go.
It wasn't bad, really. It was actually kind of nice. Now that my brain is okay with the fact that I may never see the sunshine again, getting up in the grey is actually welcome. Sometimes I want to shake my fist at the sun because I'm so angry when it gets all up in my face at 5:45. I shouldn't have to wear sunscreen to bed. That's just stupid.
Pesky bright wrinkle inducing bastage, I'm glad you're in hiding.

I haven't mentioned it to anyone, but I'm getting a little nervous about my upcoming routine biopsy. The last-last time they told me I was cancer-free it was a fluke. So I'm puking a little bit in my mouth because I'm scared that this last time they told me I was cancer-free might be a fluke too. Fingers crossed and moving onwards.

This morning.

This morning right before leaving for work I was in so much crotchal pain that I almost cried. It was horrible. I could hardly move. It was awful. Of course I had to look. I took off my pants, pulled down my underwear and found... a twist tie. There was a twist tie in my vagina. A twist tie. I mean, I love bread. But I don't love bread. I have no idea. I'm assuming it was in the laundry, got caught up in the crotch of my unders and worked it's way up. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Let's never talk about this again.

So, cancer checks. Long time readers know what that means~
Eye makeup! More specifically blue eye makeup.

Last year's blue eye makeup is still heavily in the rotation, and I'm loving it.
This year I picked up some L'oreal HIP in Showy, which I would recommend to anyone because it is so fabulous. Trust me when I tell you that every lady needs some blue in her life. Even if you just like to arrange to have the house to yourself and put on glammy make up and 4 inch heels and 4 inch hotpants and a white tank with no bra and a giant fauxdiamond ring and campy music to do your housework (or is that just me? because that's the only way I like do it).
Because it is dirt cheap and on sale at CVS, I also bought it in Flare.

Did you know me in the late 90's? Remember when I was obsessed with that orange Revlon eye shadow and I made you all try it on and it looked so different on all of us but so amazingly stunning that you all bought it? Well, this is the same stuff, but better. And now I'm wearing it (at work even!) with brown eyeliner instead of blue because I realized that with the blue I kind of looked like a Broncos helmet. Give me a break. I was a bit of a hotmess in the late 90s.

I think that orange is more flattering than this silly pink eyestuff that people are putting on their lids for some reason and it really works with my coloring. What's that? You ask?
Well, my hair looks like the streak that happens when you toss a cigarette butt in a toilet. That reddish, yellowish, brownish color.
And have you ever skimmed duckweed and tossed it on dry land? And it turns yellowish greenish brownish? My eyes look like that.
And I have freckles that mostly look like coffee with cream but some look like Spanish olives.
And the skin between them is kind of like those intra-office manila folders where you cross off your name and write in the next name.

I'm pretty.
Dammit.
Beauty doesn't have to be conventional.

And this is not a paid product endorsement. Just me letting you know that I love something that I bought at a drug store and if you feel like you need MAC eyeshadow or you might die (raises hand) but you're too brokeassed to buy it, L'oreal HIP is an acceptable substitute at a fraction of the cost. Plus, it's much cuter to buy expensive lip gloss or a compact because you can pull it out in front of people and show them how classy you are.
I just want to save my sistahs a buck or 40.
And I want you to stop thinking about the bread tie.