All alone
A pot of coffee
Google Reader cleared
A clean living room
Nowhere to be
A healthy amount of pissiness at my neighbor so I don't feel bad when I turn my music way up loud for
Lora&Tyler Present:
Underpancydancy Housecleaning Party
!Postmodern Glampoprock! Edition.
Last Sunday in June
7am til you drop.
Sometimes it's just so damn fun to be me.
Too bad I dropped by 8.30.
But the music is still up. Tyler is sleeping in a sunbeam, flat on her back. If she doesn't move soon, I'm going to hold a mirror to her nose.
Times like these make me think about getting ready to go out on a Friday night. Isn't that the greatest? Almost like a miniature version of a plane ride to Vegas. You never know what's gonna happen when you get there, even though you know getting there is more than half the fun. Pre-gaming is where all the sparkles happen.
Back in the olden days before I got the momming gig, I knew a lot of people in the music business.
By music business, I mean I knew a lot of bartenders at the local venues. But whatever. Time has romanticized the whole thing.
In through the back door, drinks free and strong all night. Turning down backstage passes because we were too cool for all that and had things to do after the show.
Good times, those. Good thing they didn't last or I'd be in a gutter these days.
I remember them more fondly than I lived them, I'm sure.
It's funny how your brain can do that. How one night turns into 20, twenty into 200. Two hundred into a decade. Good times into Great.
There was no 7am back then, unless it was bedtime.
I wonder how many times I did that? Ten or tenthousand, can't be too sure.
I wish I would have kept a diary.
Good thing I had a dayjob.
While I was living it, I always used to say that I was going to write a book and call it
Philadelphia Fruits and Nuts:
all about my life as a social worker/butterfly
Watch for it, I still may.
Until then, I have lots of tiny little shirts and shorts to wash and about 700 Matchbox cars to wrangle so I don't step on them and break an ankle.
Such is life.
I promise this is the last post about how much I miss those days, because this is sounding so pathetic. It's good now too, only different.
But I do miss those days, dammit. Yesterday was 80 and sunny and everyone I saw seemed to be having one of those fun afternoons where everything goes right and I was stuck with a cranky brat who kept kicking me in the crotch during his swimming lesson.
I was less than happy and it made me mad so I'm making up for it now.
As soon as I hit publish.
I think I'm ready to get back up and resume the dancy. And Tyler is stirring too.
Does anyone else do this, or just me?
Both the by yourself dancing and the frequent reminiscing?
Or am I the only wackjob spazziod asshole mom with an occasional bitter taste in her mouth around these parts?
15 degrees {comments}:
Sometimes I will wake up and stare at a bowl of fruit for hours...and then I will take two oranges and make "boobs" under my shirt and I churn butter for another 2 hours...I then give samples to all of the elderly people down the street... I ask them if they like how creamy my butter is...
So yeah...what was the question?
I just finished my leftover Chicken Tikka Masala for lunch; my kids and husband are out fishing; I'm puttering around doing laundry and cleaning the kitchen in a leisurely fashion, stopping only to check my email on my new Mac; I've got music playing.
I'm good.
Sometimes I think of how eager I was to start a family "right now" and I don't regret it, but I do catch myself wondering what it would be like to be able to be able to just grab the keys and head out the door sometimes or stay up past 11 without freaking out about my early morning or maybe having money...
Right now I'm going from poor me to pissy me. Say the wrong thing and you'll either get an emotional breakdown or every bit of nastiness spewing out of my mouth. And this instant I'd like to go back. Not sure where or when to, but back. I'm going to stop thinking for the rest of the day.
When my kids were small and driving me up the wall and most of my friends were still living the single life or married without children (see we had our children right away, our first one at age 22 and the second one at age 26, and a miscarriage in between) I would find myself jealous of them and then guilty for being jealous. God, us moms put so much guilt on our feelings. Anyways, I have to laugh because my kids are almost grown and guess who is envied now??? Oh, and I bet they feel guilty for feeling that way too. Bottom line, we all have those moments when are little darlings aren't being little darlings.
Lastly, my husband and I use to get up around 5am and have coffee and chitchat just to have some alone time and not be so tired because at night after they went to bed we were whipped too, so we started to enjoy morning time.
I often reminisce for the times we didn't have. We were both working 50-60 hours a week, got married, and got pregnant 2 weeks after that. Doctor said ti could take up to a year - 6 months was the average. I guess we're above average people. Now we look to the future. We love our kids, but we also love the fact that we'll still be young enough to really enjoy the fact that they're gone when they leave. We shudder at the people who live around us that have kids in our kids' age ranges, but are my parents' ages. Who wants to be in their late 40's or early 50's with a kid in Kindergarten? Not me.
I often reminisce for the times we didn't have. We were both working 50-60 hours a week, got married, and got pregnant 2 weeks after that. Doctor said ti could take up to a year - 6 months was the average. I guess we're above average people. Now we look to the future. We love our kids, but we also love the fact that we'll still be young enough to really enjoy the fact that they're gone when they leave. We shudder at the people who live around us that have kids in our kids' age ranges, but are my parents' ages. Who wants to be in their late 40's or early 50's with a kid in Kindergarten? Not me.
ive always wanted kids. i honestly remember being 12 years old and talking to my brother about how many kids i wanted, what their names would be, and what my wifes name would be...then i got to high school. i then wanted to 'chase girls' my entire life not committing to anyone. after a while that got old and the old thoughts of wanting kids and such crept back in...then i got to college. i did this dance for quite some time until i met my wife and had kids. three to be exact.
i say this only say that i think we always go back and forth in our brains/heart about the old times and where we've been. its not like i dont go out at all or drink like i used to. hell my boys and i go to vegas every year to catch up and...well to be boys, ahem, i mean, men.
i LOVE music and whenever i get a free moment, i turn the muzak up and turn the tv off! in these moments i often wonder what life would be like if i was single and without kids and i always eventually get to the same place...where i am now is perfect even though it may not feel like it 100% of the time.
yep, this is me (without the kids). Because im now single i have to throw myself back into the going out scene, and whilst im looking forward to it, im secretly scared that i wont be able to party like i used to...
I miss those days, too. Just like you. :(
I'd totally read it your book I mean
My only backward thinking is revisionist.
And my knees are too sore to dance.
But I sing.
I dance by myself when Im cleaning/cooking/whatever. Its what I do. Plus, my dog and cats won't dance with me...my husband can't dance. So it is me alone, with my dusting rag or broom. And I think back fondly to my college days that seem soooo long ago.
I have my own "Underpancydancy Housecleaning Party" every weekend...except it's Mara, Pusscat and Papi present...and it's funky house, not glam pop.
I do it, too. You can reminisce all you want. I know it doesn't mean you don't love your life now. I think it's great that you have so many wonderful memories and that you long for those days. When you're an old lady, you'll be longing for the days you are currently living. And so it goes.
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