I'm guessing I can get pre-boarding privileges since I'm traveling with the boy. And his carseat. And a bag of fun so he doesn't freak the eff out halfway over America. Holler atcher new portable DVD player. I'm expecting miracles out of this thing.
I'm thinking of asking if we can get on first so my rear end isn't sticking way out in the aisle while I struggle with turning a car seat into a plane seat. Or maybe I can check it at the gate and they can keep it in the closet with the strollers and golf clubs and wedding gowns? I'll have to check. I don't want people brushing up against my butt with their nasty selves and their bags that they probably set on the floor in the bathroom. Germs. Ack.
I hate sitting in the middle of a row at the movies or a baseball game, because I never know how to pass people when I get up or go sit down. Is it more polite to put your butt in their faces, or your crotchal?
And done. With the checking in and everything else pressing. We got A's. I feel like I win if I earn anything less than A30. And I did. 24 hours from now, I'll be on a plane.
So, I've flown with Jake before. Never for more than an hour. I hope he doesn't turn into a total asshole for the sake of everyone on the plane.
I hate children. I really hate children on planes.
I hate parents. I really hate parents who bring children on planes.
Or in public, for that matter.
What's that old saying about children's place being in the home? Or something about only being seen pregnant and not heard because you're in the kitchen?
Learn it. Live it. Don't leave the house after you've spit your child from your loins because no one wants to hear that brat. Or you. No one cares about poop or milk or Polly Pocket or the dumbass milestone that every kid hits and your kid isn't the only baby to ever sit up all by herself or gasp! start walking or pushing around a car and making vrrooomm sounds.
I hate that hundreds of people are going to be looking at me tomorrow morning with that look in their eyes that brands me as a traveling vampire that sucks whatever little tolerance anyone has in them while suspended miles above their homeland right out of their airborn souls.
I hate, I hate, I hate.
I will be hated.
I will hate myself.
Hopefully we can prove everyone wrong. And then we'll walk off the plane all smug and let the other passengers feel like judgmental losers who are going strait to hell for being so prejudiced.
Jerks.
Think you know us?
You don't.
Want to know where we're going?
Here's a picture of a state park where I hope to be picnicking Sunday morning. Be the first to name that state park and get a souvenir:
There are bears in them woods, and I have mixed feelings about that.And zebra mussles in them waters. They were big business throughout my childhood. I wonder if their shells wash ashore and cut your feet here?
I view them the same as I view cockroaches. They must have a purpose, somewhere. Just not in my life.
It's west of the Mississippi.
It's made out of granite and was carved by glaciers so my inner geologist (dream job) is getting really and nerdily excited. You don't know how hard it will be for me not to buy a book on glacial formations and read it to Jake on the banks of ________.
Have a safe and happy holiday.
51 degrees {comments}:
No clue where you are going, but it looks beautiful! I hate zebra muscles as well...they suck. We used to have to go to the beach just to wash the bottom of our boat to rid it of these nasty suckers. People used to burn them on the beach...I remember when we didn't have a bazillion of them in the lake too...Have fun, be safe, and prove all those bitches wrong on the plane!
You have just earned some major points with me on this blog... I really wondered if anybody loathed children in a public place more than me...I mean, why the fuck would somebody bring their screaming, still-in-nursing-stage child to a nice restaurant with them...
When my wife and I go to the Olive Garden tonight, the first person that brings their stinking pukey toddler in will get the evil eye from me...
And on a plane? Oh boy, that's the kiss of death...good luck to you...hahaha!
You don't know how much I'm envying you right now. That's where we got married...on a cliff overlooking EB at LT by Pastor Bob and his wife was our witness/photographer/musical arranger. I don't envy your plane trip though. Have a wonderful time - give CA a big hi from me!
P.S. - Is my nerdy self coming out - initialling the places so no one cheats. I'm such a dork.
Don't stress. Okay, I'd probably stress a little but you know, I bet it won't be half as bad as you think! And nobody will hate you - especially since I'm sure you're not one of those parents who will let him stand and jump in his seat and run around the plane (if they even allow that sort of thing).
Good luck!
YES! Children on planes (or any confined public space for that matter) are indeed the worst. Not to make you feel worse about your plight or anything...I'm sure it will all work out fine considering you seemingly have an excellent perspective on the whole situation. My mother put the fear of god into me about causing scenes in public from a very early age, and as such I learned quite quickly to, quite simply, not. 'Tis something more parents should take into account I think, and children would not be the annoyances to those around them that they often are.
Have a lovely vacation!!
I know where you're going...I used to live in Reno so i know ALLLL about LT. LOL Have fun!! And you know what? I don't have kids and I still understand how hard you moms have it when travelling so I don't judge you and your kid. You can't help that your kid hates to fly or his ears hurt so he cries....people need to learn to be nice!
southwest sucks. they wouldn't let us preboard when we travelled with a toddler, carseat, and me hugely pregnant 2 years ago. Grrr.
so jealous/happy for you. that's one of the prettiest places in this country.
i always feel kind of sorry for people with babies on planes. i mean, unless they are total self-obsessed jerkbags, most parents are aware that they are being glowered at by everyone around them. self-obsessed jerkbags, however, can go to hell.
that's lake tahoe. i know a crazy lady who rode her bike around the whole thing...twice.
That's Emerald Bay. I used to hike up to Eagle Lake with my family on our annual summer Tahoe trip. I know it well.
That looks like Emerald Bay in Tahoe! You comin' to my neck of the woods lady? I feel you on hte flying with a munchkin.... We took the Duke to Cabo with us last year and thank god, it all went quite well. We sat across from three older couples who totally understood when the boy started freaking out during our steep decline into Cabo. The portable DVD player was his best friend the entire flight. Beware strapping a car seat into those damn Southwest planes. We learned the hard way (got the damn thing stuck and it took 20 minutes to get the seat belt unstrapped!)that when strapping in a car seat you should flip the release lever of the seat belt down (toward the plane seat)so it doesn't get hung up when it comes time to unstrap it...
Have a blast Lora!!! The weather has been great... Enjoy the Lake! It's amazing this time of year!
I just used that pic (or one of the bajillions like it, anyway) on a marketing piece. Have fun at the 'Hoe! As for flying, I clocked a bunch of fucktards in the head with my diaper bag "by accident" when we flew with the princess last month. Heh heh heh. Losers.
Looks pretty! I was just talking to my coworker about this, who traveled with her baby for the first time. She told me it was awful and everyone gave her the death stare, and I felt a little guilty because I'm usually on the other end of that stare, screaming internally.
And "only being seen pregnant and not heard because you're in the kitchen?" Brilliant. I laughed.
I feel for you. So far we haven't had to travel with Bubs and I don't want to. I definitely don't want to get him on a plane. OMG.
I think it's funny, though, I read this and was nodding the whole time. You sound exactly like my husband and me.
Oh, and have a safe trip! Forgot that part.
I once had someone else's 1 year old puke on top of my head about an hour into a cross-country flight. It was almost enough to make me sterilize myself on the spot. Almost.
Do kids not take valium before flights?
You going to Yellowstone?
Have fun on the plane. I hope it works as beautifully for you on the plane as it does for us in the car. We have one that I can take in and out by attaching the screens to the head rests. It's the only way we can all make it to Erie without wanting to leave the kids in one of the turnpike bathrooms.
Thank God you're going to Tahoe!
I had you in Lake Erie- which apparently has a huge zebra mussel issue. Clearly I missed the Southwest/west of the Mississippi clues.
Have a blast- and don't worry about the kid. Pack treats for him to open every hour or so(games,cards,snacks, cool markers, new book, those crazy find it things from Highlights Magazine, etc)
http://www.highlightskids.com/GamesandGiggles/gamesArchive/hpTopArchive.asp
People won't even know you HAVE a kid!!
My guess is that picture is of the Lake of the Ozarks. No? Well, then I give up. They have zebra muscles and places that look like that...
And dammmmmnnn full of hate today! LOL! Though I have to admit, I do tend to be on the hater side of life myself when I happen to be one of those parent with those children, their screaming I'm screaming, blah blah blah! Yeah, I definetly know that feeling...
Hopefully though, and I'll cross my fingers for you, that it will be a nice ride and you can be smug!
Bon voyage--send me a postcard!
On the top of my list of people to kill...kids on planes. Worst ever. Good luck with your endeavor and I hope we're not ever on the same flight cause it could be bad ;)
Have a safe, fun, awesome trip. I'm too late to guess. Like I would've known anyways...
Have a fun vacay! I heart glaciers too.
A carefully timed Dramamine tablet and a big bag of Hershey's Kisses worked wonders at keeping everyone happy on our flight to Dallas. (Dramamine for the boy, chocolates for anytime the seats surrounding the boy were subjected to the kickingshakingpoundingscreaming that is inevitable after the initial excitement of being on a plane wears off, 30 seconds after take-off.) Happy travels!
If it makes you feel any better, some people seem to really enjoy seeing parents with kids on planes. We took our 1.5 year old Emma on a four hour flight - I was completely dreading the event (pretty much for the same reasons), but the whole time, people were talking to her, touching her, laughing and playing with her. It was crazy. At first I was relieved, then a little annoyed - it went from one extreme to the other. I mean, who just starts talking and playing with a stranger's baby? Apparently a lot of people do! ;)
I don't have a problem with kids in planes, restaurants, anywhere for that matter - as long as the parents aren't allowing them to run around like naughty, wild animals! I don't really notice crying anymore - I think my ears are so accustomed to the sound that I tune it out ;)
My pet peeve are women who breast feed at their table in nice restaurants. I'm paying a lot of money for my meal - I don't want to see that (no matter how natural and healthy it is, at your restaurant table is just not the place for it). Maybe that's just me.
That's what they taught us in sex ed. "When you join the mile high club, sometimes you later join the mile high diaper changer club." One's cooler than the other. I don't mind kids on planes except when they sit behind me and kick my seat and then I get up and try to kick them because I'm understand a teachable moment when I see one and I'm trying to TEACH them what it feels like and their parents get all mad. Just don't be one of THOSE parents.
I actually really like kids-- but yeah, on planes its tallywhacked.
P.S. My dad asks to sit in the no-children section in restaurants. I can't wait to make him a granddad and chase him around with his own once-removed offspring.
LOL I came back to read comments (like I always do because I'm a blog stalker like that). I have to agree with Silly Swedish Skier's Dad. I even ask to sit in the no kid section when we are out with our kids, only I phrase it as "We don't want the Sesame Street section." Really, whose "brilliant" idea was it to put all the screaming babies and toddlers in one area? I don't want to hear that when my children are behaving just fine. And *gasp* when one of our kids starts a screaming fit, we get the check and take out containers as quickly as humanly possible and LEAVE. I hate other parents and their kids sometimes.
Have fun! Don't you wish you could stand up and say "remember when you brought your kids on a trip and/or remember when you were a kid traveling, get over yourselves."
Enjoy yourself,it looks beautiful, reminds me of the Colorado River, we took a beautiful boat ride on the Colorado River when we went to the Grand Canyon.
I haven't flown with the kids since we moved back to philly. I think that by this age Sam and Jake would be ok. It's children Lulu's age that would be the biggest pain. Either way, have a great trip!
i have no idea where you're going, but i just found your blog and it was a happy day. hope you have a great holiday weekend!
ps. i suck at geology but i did make diamonds out of peanut butter at school. that mess was impressive, even if i couldn't tell you why it worked.
all that hate is gonna burn you up
Who cares where it is, it's freaking gorgeous!
You and Jake will be just fine. Fuck everyone else.
Enjoy your trip!
No idea where you're going, but I'm nervous about your blog stats because of this post. You say the word "butt" twice. You also say "hard", "wood", "screw", and "sucks". Let me know how that turns out ;)
The zebra mussels part reminded me of Presque Isle, but I guess that's not it.
HAve fun!
Wow! I've never seen that picture of Lake Tahoe. Come to think of it, I don't know if I've ever seen any pictures of Lake Tahoe. It looks amazing! I wish I was there.
You'll get to board first. When my daughter was small, I made sure I had at least 1 (sometimes 2 or 3) new toys to play with. Nothing too expensive....lots of paper, crayons, colored pencils, coloring books.
But nothing works as well as the DVD player, a pair of headphones & a new movie....and lots of snacks/juice boxes.
Have fun on your trip!
We flew Zach from London to Adelaide via Florida. I was dreading the trip and he did brilliantly. I bet your boy will as well. And if he doesn't, screw 'em. Flying sucks at the best of times these days and a loud little boy is probably the least bothersome thing that your fellow passengers will have to put up with. Unless, that is, they've changed the Gestapo-esque airport security in the States recently.
Your boy is lucky - he sure has one funny mama! Hope the trip goes smoothly (for everyone's sake ;->).
Pretty sure that's Lake Tahoe but I don't remember the name of the island. There is an historic mansion or something on it, I think. I haven't been to Tahoe in a dozen years or so. My crazy brother lived there (not on the island) for years and years but he's in the Bay area now.
I ignore people who shoot death ray looks at the child when we fly. Karma will get them.
I dunno where y'all are going, but it looks beautiful. Have fun!
Hope you have a great time at Tahoe! I'm about to embark on my first plane ride with my 5 year old to Disneyland, and appreciate your sentiments about plane travel....
This post is going to really keep you busy answering everyone!
I'm a SoCal girl, so I know that NoCal is the most scenic and wonderful place to visit. You are going to love it!
What's all the hate stuff about? Maybe it's the stress of flying with a wee one. By now, you have already arrived and have realized that things weren't that bad. You brought enough to keep him busy, and, as long as the food didn't run out, you did everything right!
I hope you love this place and remember it for a long time. I still remember after 45 years!
Have a wonderful time on your vacation! Watch out for the bears.
Any people who look with hateful eyes at you and Jake will have a voodoo curse placed upon them by yours truly.
I will be there in 2.5 weeks! Tell the bears to leave the 2 blonde backpackers alone - we mean no harm... In all honesty, as long as a kid isn't kicking my seat, I don't mind them. The iPod drowns out the screaming, but nothing can drown out the jolt from the kicks.
I'm sure it was fine - sometimes the anticipation is worse than the actual event.
Have fun and enjoy yourselves!
bears?! yikes.... well despite the bears, seems like a sweet hang out spot.
i have three children and luckily havent had to deal too much w/ jerk passengers acting as if they themselves werent a child at one point in their lives...ridiculous. i DO have a problem when the parents just let them act like damian and raise hell...BUT, even then, still not a reason to make their already shitty experience worse ya know. what would the black eyed peas say, 'where is the love?'
Hope the plane ride was uneventful and that you're having a great time!
Who am I kidding I can practically hear your laughter eminating over those mountains of ours. Next time we just have to get you a few more hours west. M'kay?
Central Park, NYC? Did I win?
i don't know where you were...but that picture is gorgeous!!
You freaking bloglebrity. 48 comments plus mine? Why are you not famous?!?
Anyhooo...when the ex and I flew with Darenevil first time -- 5 hours, cross country, her 14-months old -- we over-compensated and literally packed a 7-foot long hockey bag full of toys and books and crap just so we wouldn't disturb the neighbours.
Looking back, I'm sure they barely noticed her over the canoe-sized, pre-9/11 bag of tricks we dragged into the cabin.
So how was the trip?
Hope all went smoothly!
Hope you had a great time on your trip. My guess is that as long as you didn't get stuck on the plane in some nightmare 10 hour delay then your son probably did just fine.
All adults were kids once and annoyed adults. It's a right of passage. I don't love it when my kids scream which is why I always told them that if they make too much noise on the plane the plane might crash...(I didn't really do that!)
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