I swear that the powers that be in blogging come through at exactly the right moments all the time.
I've been tossing a bunch of stuff around in my head lately about what to do with this blog and how to do it and how to stay happy amidst everything that was being tossed and how to/whether to even let people know that I would be changing things up around here and then all of a sudden Scrambled Jill from Jillie Side Up gave me the Honest Scrap award.  I love this award more than anything because I get a chance to lay ten very heartfelt things right out on the table and no one can say boo about it.

If you aren't reading Jillie Side Up already, please start.  Jill is so brave and so smart and she seems to work really hard to find happiness in her life.  There needs to be more of that in the world.  Jill lives in Colorado, again.  She and her husband up and moved to ElDiego earlier this year.  First Jill, then her husband.  Then they didn't like it.  So they moved back. 
You can always turn around, you know. 
That's why it's called home.
That's what home means.

So here it is:

And here we go.  In ten steps, this is my inner blog torment of late:

1.  You may have noticed that my email connected to my blog and your comments has changed.  My Blackberry is tied into my Gmail account, and my Gmail account was tied into my blogger account.  Every time I got a comment or an email regarding a post or an email response to an email I sent or a post I commented on my Blackberry would beep.  Well, ChiGong chime.  It was just too much.  Especially while I was playing with Jake or doing work at work or trying to find a moment's peace. 
My real world life was being interrupted by my online life and that was a little too much "I live in my mother's basement and play things that were inspired by Dungeons and Dragons" me.  So I have all bloggy stuff falling into a yahoo account that is not tied to my Blackberry or my Gmail.  My new email bills me as Lora Neely.  That's my first and middle names, and I think I've gotten more "OMG! why didn't you tell us you finally got married!"'s and divorcey sort of "I know what that's like and I'm sorry" consolations in the past two weeks than regular emails.  Thank you for your well wishes, but things are the same as always at home, just not so much on the email. 
I'm also trying to separate my last name from the blog.  People love to Google people.  I know this because I love to Google people.  With Jake getting older and going to school in the next few years and me and Dave having jobs and all, I figure that it's best to save people we know from reading all this crap.  Our last name isn't very common so once you have us pegged, you know you've got us.

2.  I have to cut down the time that my Current State of Blogging eats.  I've tried a few different ways of doing this. 

3. Not posting every time the spirit moves me was my first attempt.
And it works.  And I usually get things sorted out in my head by the end of the day.  Because the things I talk about here aren't usually the things I talk about in life, things have to get sorted out in my head.  There isn't any feedback about these things, and I end up working around and through these things rather than with them (if that even makes sense, but without other people's input, I have to do it all on my own and only with the tools I keep in my brain) but it works.  Mostly.
But it doesn't make me happy.  So I'm almost back to posting as needed, but I just can't find the time to do this.  It's a horrible cycle.

4. Not responding to the comments people leave on my posts was another.
This happened accidentally, when I posted about something that I just wanted to get out and move away from.  Something that hurt too bad to revisit 40 times then 30 times then 20 then however long people kept up the email string that started with their comment and my reply.
But this doesn't make me happy either.  I love the relationship I have with my readers.  Some of them are more intense than others.  It's a giant two way street where there is a lot of headbutting.  A lot of love.  A lot of contradiction.  A lot of headnodding.  A lot of teaching.  A lot of learning.  A lot of support.  That's why I've kept this blog up for so long.  Because I really appreciate that.
But it takes a lot of time.  Less now that I've transferred to a new email address because I only check it when I want and when I can.  Oh, and if you don't have an email tied to your profile and I don't have your email?  Sometimes I go to your blog and comment on your last post, but sometimes I don't.  It's really hard for me to get to an actual URL from work sometimes due to filters and stuff and it's a rare thing for me to use my home computer.  But whether or not I reply, I do read and absorb and love every comment left- good bad or indifferent.

5.  I tried cutting down on the amount of blogs I read.
This helps immensely.  I cut out the news feeds and the funny pictures and the mindless junk that I subscribed to because I needed news feeds and funny pictures and mindless junk at a certain point in my life.  Now I don't. 
So I cut it down to people who I know in real life and people who read my blog.  This group isn't a perfect overlap, which is okay.  I know plenty of people in real life who have a blog but don't know that I do.  I know plenty of people in real life who have a blog and have absolutely zero interest in wanting to read what I have to say here but I like their blog.  And there are a few people who read my blog but I have absolutely zero interest in wanting to read what they have to say on theirs.  Not because I  hate it, but because I have no use for info on the newest and latest tech gadgets or product giveaways or movie reviews or whatever.  It's a way to save time.  It was hard for me to do at first, because I feel like if people take the time to read my blog, I should return the favor.  But you know what?  I don't.

6.  I stopped reading blogs when I should be doing something else.
Like working.  Or blogging.  Or relaxing.  Or cleaning.  Or hanging out with my number ones.
Most of my blog reading is done in the middle of the night when I can't sleep and I don't want to get up and do something constructive or watch television or turn on the light to read a book or lie there in silence and listen to my head.  So I rev up Reader on my Blackberry and read.  I'm awake two or three hours in the middle of the night four or five nights a week.  That's a solid 8-15 hours of quality time I can spend with your words.
Commenting from a Blackberry takes way long, so I usually don't. 

7.  I've cut down on the number of comments I leave.
This does two things (three if you count making other bloggers feel unloved).  One, it cuts down on the amount of emails that I get as replies to comments I leave.  Two, it saves both me and other people time because I'm not taking time to leave a comment.
If something huge happens to someone, I keep the post unread and go back when I can to comment from a real computer or I shoot a quick email from my phone.  That's easier.  I feel kinda shatty for doing that because everyone who's anyone knows that comments are better than email, but sometimes you need to get a message through and you gotta get it through ASAP.

8.  I'm talking to other bloggers to see what they do and how they do it without feeling overwhelmed.  Like, sitting down and talking.  Whether post every day or every month or you get two comments or 200 on every post, it takes time and effort and brains and heart to keep up a blog.  I want to know how other people do it.  So I ask.  Face to face.  Most recently over margaritas and beers and flourless chocolate cakes.  Sometimes over coffee.  Or spaghetti.  Or lunch.  Or more coffee.  And so on and so on.  And I learn.  And I borrow ideas.  Or I shake my head because there is no way that would ever work for me. 
Blogging is one of the most socially active lonely activities that I've ever done.  It's weird, and after years and years of it I'm still having trouble adjusting.

9.  I talk to people who have all but quit blogging how and when and why they are all but quit blogging and they say that it was just time.  That everything runs its course and when the course is run it's best to step back and move on, no matter how hard it is to do.  I think about that a lot.  And had almost decided that maybe today's post would be my all but last and then I say good bye and I love you to a friend I met through blogging and she says "goodbye and I love you too and you know, you've really changed my whole entire life" and it all clicks that maybe this hasn't run its course yet for me and I should stick around for a little while.
Because sometimes you can change someone's life by suggesting they maybe have a few friends over for spaghetti every now and then. 
And sometimes other people change your life by coming over to your house for spaghetti every now and then. 
And sometimes people you don't know and who don't know you change lives by having their friends over for spaghetti every now and then. 
And it happens all over the area, then all over the country, and then people from overseas send you an email and thank you for suggesting that they phone a few friends and put on a pot of water every now and then.
And it all seems worth it all of a sudden.

10.  I don't talk much about it here, but I started this little huge thing called Wednesday Spaghetti.  It started in my kitchen over a year ago, me and my girls and some babies and a pot of water, a pound of noodles, and a jar of sauce.  It went over so well that I told some other people about it.  And they had their own and it worked so well that they told some other people about it.  And they had their own...
My goal is to become a real live and functioning non-profit.  In Name and EIN and all that we actually are, I just need to find the time to get the ball rolling and the word out. 
Find The Time.  See, there's that little huge thing again.  Time.
If you are interested in holding  your own WedSpags, let me know and I'll get you hooked into the blog.  Everyone is always welcome.

So that's ten.  I feel better getting that stuff out.
Thank you for bearing with me.  That couldn't have been all that interesting.
Long story short?  Posting/writing is my priority.  That's why I started this blog, that's why I keep it up.
The friendships that have grown out of my posts and the blogs I read are priceless, but not as valuable as time spent in the real world.  I will do my best to keep them up, but not every day.  Hell, I don't talk to my own mother every day.
I had such high aspirations for what I wanted Wednesday Spaghetti to be by now, and I'm failing at meeting my own goals.  It's time to start digging in and making things happen.  I truly do feel that it is an amazing and special thing that has changed my life, and I know for a fact that it is changing the lives of others.  I want that to be bigger.