And the only kind of mustache it would give you could be taken care of with a napkin? And when someone said "drink up so your boobs will get big/your chest will get hairy" it was just a way for you to get you finish what you were given and not the gadshonest truth?
What? Your parents didn't tell you that milk made your boobs big or your chest hairy? I guess you didn't grow up in the seventies.
Now milk can be scary. Long time listeners know the battle I have with milk. How every time I give non-organic cow's milk to Jake I gag because I know what's in there. Udder pus. Because I know it's responsible for filling out kids and giving them 16 year old bodies when they are nine. Boobs and mustaches and hips and butts and and and worse. We did the Almond milk for a year or so, but I hated how you couldn't recycle the containers and that made me feel low class.
I don't get to a real grocery store very often so I was constantly buying udder pus.
Real grocery stores just don't happen much in my life.
And it's not like my corner store is stocking organic.
I mean for who?
Joey an' his cuzzin 'rounda way?
Yo bo. I takea bagga chips. The 25cent one, not no 99cent one. I ain't dat hungry an' my momz is cookin' tanite. A packa Marberreds. Some gum. I'm meetin' my girl afferdis. An ice cream samwich. A hamsamwich wit' 'merican cheese'n bof mayo n oil. Saltpepperegano. Gimme a packa dem Jokah papers. Anna lighter. No wait. Matches. I gettem free wit da papers an da marbers, right? Oh, and I'll take a gallon of milk, but only if you carry organic. Nonna dem hormonal shits in der, grass fed, free range, an' it betta be from a farms in delco or somewheres close, yo.
As if.
Enter my new corner store, Green Aisle Grocery. Two local boys who know what a girl like me needs in a neighborhood like ours.
I'm not a complete (insert adjective of choice here) about organics and local foods and all that. But I think dairy matters. If it comes out of a boob or a vagina and I'm going to eat it, I want it to come out of the cleanest, closest boob or vagina possible. Simple as that.
And the best part of it all?
The whole thing helps me perpetuate my Betty Draper fantasy.
I don't know if I want to be Betty Draper or (insert verb of choice here) Betty Draper. I mean, I've never seen the show or anything, so I don't know what she's like in pretend life, but that girl is a looker for sure.
Green Aisle carries all sorts of stuff, not just dairy and not just hairy armpit calico jamband overpriced hippie dharma annoying crunchy opentoed granola bongo stuff. If you live nearby, stop in and feel free to ask questions and stick your nose in the jars and read the labels and poke around for as long as you want. It's encouraged.
They deliver all over South Philly and beyond, but there is really no reason NOT to be in the neighborhood. Everyone knows it's the hotspot.
Also, free cocktails Mondays from 6-8. Hear that? FREE COCKTAILS, MONDAYS FROM 6-8.
Just saying. And saying it loudly.
Green Aisle in no way endorses me or this blog. However, both me and this blog endorse Green Aisle.
37 degrees {comments}:
What I've found in the last year is that local tastes better. It doesn't have as far to travel, so it actually gets to ripen on the plant it grows on instead of in trucks. Organic tastes better some of the time. The store didn't have any decent pork, so I sucked it up and paid more for the organic. You know what? none of that funny pork aftertaste (I can't be the only one who tastes it, can I?). Now I only buy organic pork. I've been converted on chicken too because it tastes better. We tried organic pasta though. It tasted gummy. Not all organics are created equal. It's trial and error.
If I lived in Philly, I'd be there Monday. But alas I don't, and I don't think they deliver this far...yet.
I remember going with my mom to Sterling. It was a main stop every week to exchange our milk bottles and get more milk. That's all they did. Milk. Long gone.
And yeah, my local organic store carries all the armpit bongo hemp stuff. Drives me insane. But I suppose in a good way. I just remember to wear my Earth Shoes.
:-)
I'd like to point out that we are the only animal that consumes another animals lactation. Just throwing that out there....
My mom used to force milk on me when I was a kid. I hated it, unless it had blue and red food coloring in it. Purple milk.
When we lived in KS, we could get local milk in a bottle at our grocery store. It was SO good and I don't even LIKE milk. But I liked that milk. Now we are in OH and you would think we could get local milk here at our grocer. I mean, come on, it's still the midwest. Not. I guess I could try Whole Foods. I'll do that soon.
I never liked milk when it was supposed to be good for me, but I feel the same way about feeding milk to my kids now. B was just saying about his organic beer the other night that everything organic just tastes better, but it's easy out here in the land of the hairy armpit, to find organic.
Free cocktails??? wowzers!! And for the record...I don't drink cow's milk. Only soy here! And I only cook with that. I just don't do milk of any kind. Yuk!
LOL
Hugs
SueAnn
I'd love to be able to get organic milk in a bottle! I'm going to look into that here. There are dairies not too far from here. We already do that with our beer from Cambridge Brewing Company.
My father used to tell me that milk would grow hair on my chest, so I know what you're talking about. Although I'm sure your family was normal and they told you that you'd get boobs.
I'm not sure if you know this, but almond milk is ridiculously easy to make at home.
I am scared of what milk and chicken are going to do to my daughter! And she won't drink organic - we have attempted everything!
Refillable glass bottles! Oh how I would love to see a renaissance of those.
I just got finished drinking a glass of milk and I think I'm going to hurl after the pus comment... UGH.. totally going organic now!
My mom always told me the crust on my bread would make my hair curly. I don't recall a lie about milk but I always drank it like it was my job! (still do but again switching to organic now).
Omygosh. I'm glad I was drinking any udder puss at the moment, b/c I would have spit it all over my computer screen. I am so glad you found good milk in the city. LOL!!!
We are Lactose intolerant around these parts and the boy is allergic, so we don't buy it. I do, however, try to get things from our local CSA (available at a local co-op). And I also host the local pick-up site. It helps me secure the goods.
Yeah, I stopped drinking milk after visiting our friends' dairy farm when I was 19. It has been in the family for five generations. And the guy that runs it now? Doesn't drink milk. Go figure. Try being a vegetarian when you are a commercial dairy farmer. Not easy.
And? This year he is selling off his stock and raising heifers instead.
PJ when you say everything, do you mean you have tried half pus and half vanilla soy? It's delicious, like dessert. Then just slowly add more soy and less icky. That's how I started loving it.
Lora, I can't believe you wrote this now! I swore off the blood and pus two weeks ago after finding that-that was what I was drinking.
I used to drink whatever from the icky stuff to organic cow to soy. It's all soy for me now and I don't mind! It's yummy!
If anyone drinks protien, vanilla soy is THE BEST to mix it with!
My next blog post was going to be about music OR my body builder diet/lifestyle.
It's decided. I have to share what I eat.
I switched to organic milk in glass bottles and it's FUCKING AMAZING! I love love love it.
Sounds like the White Folks are moving in.
Free cocktails? SIGN ME UP.
We went dairy-organic recently after I read "The Unhealthy Truth." Scared the piss out of me.
Woah. That is one fab-o grocery.
We own 1/7 of a Jersey cow named Clara Belle, and we get two-three gallons of raw, fresh from the coobie (that's cow boobie, duh) every Tuesday.
It's lovely.
i really dont drink milk all that often anymore. these days i mainly consume with cereal, oatmeal, or mixed with vodka.
my wife bought some kaopectate, i mean almond milk the other day and i thought it sounded good enough to try...long story short, i'll just stick with the pus. the vodka kills most of the bad stuff anyway
The next time you go to that glorious store mention that if they ever want to move down to the desert I'd be their best customer.
o that udder pus image grosses me out so bad! ugh, i made the mistake of following the link and uggggg so gross! that image will forever taint my occasionally glass of ice cold milk. Changing lives, lora, changing lives ;-)
That bottle is too cute, makes me want to see if my store sells organic in glass? None of us drink milk. I use it to cook with and my daughter poors it over cereal, that is it, we get our nutrients in other ways, you know from bologna, American Cheese, spaghettios, mac and cheese, White Bread, I'm killing you and teasing you (LOL), although a few things on that list has been known to go down the hatch from time to time(LOL)
I don't get to the grocery store often enough- so I've actually taken to ordering my groceries online and having genuardis deliver them. It's the one in Wynnewood, but they still deliver into the city. People say it's lazy, but I think it makes me healthier to have real food in the house.
I wish I had started reading your blog beginning with the post after this. Udder pus? My cheerios are ruined.
We actually get real, non-homogenized, RAW milk every week. We have to go to the farm to pickup, but we know the farmers (a nice bunch o' Mennonites) and the cows (nice bunch of gals that only munch grass and hay), and we get to see the test results. 'Course, there are a bunch of hoops we jump through to do this legally in VA; the PA DepAG is more reasonable and does issue permits to dairys for raw milk.
Look to realmilk.com if you're interested in finding a source.
One of the benefits of living in rural ohio is that you know where your milk comes from. I mean, my uncle used to be the freaking milk man (well, he went to the dairy farms and picked up the milk to be brought to the store.) I can point out all the dairy farmers who provide my milk on my drive to work. Even better, Kevin's sister owns a dairy farm...can't get any better than that!
Wish I could check it out. Especially the free cocktail hour! How cool is that???
You're a very responsible mama! Jake is in good hands.
Milk grosses me out. I stick to soy.
OMG. Udder Pus. You just scarred me for life, Lora.
I think I'll stick to calcium supplements, thanks.
What about white russians? Does the kahlua and vodka offset the health benefits of organic milk?
"I want it to come out of the cleanest, closest vagina or boob possible" ahhh if only we all could live up to your high standards!
Girrrrl you make me LAUGH!
I truly do not understand how my children lived to be the healthy vibrant people they are today. I remember one time period when plastic milk jugs were recycled. I wasn't sure if they were washing them out or what exactly, because it was 40 years ago. Hell, there might have been gasoline in the things before. That was when I drew the line on that goofieness. My husband is all for the bottom line when it comes to food.
We live in Texas and do not own a cow, and in fact I was fairly traumatized the first time I saw a cow milked with a machine. That didn't look like fun at all...and I was really creeped out at the thought of hand milking one. If I had to do it...well, I would, but damn I'd really have to...and not find anyone else to milk. Which they have to be milked twice daily or they start to dry up...remember after having the babies...yes..well, sort of like that. Where does your milk come from these days? That saying of "cow pus" was something I heard a girl on one of those reality shows call it. It isn't pus. I watched that show about eating only stuff that came from withing a 100 mile radius of your home. I was pretty good with that, but lettuce doesn't grow down here after it gets warm. It bolts and gets bitter as everything. I've seen my aunt wring a chicken's neck and it run around for a good while wondering what the hell just happened. I was traumatized then, too. But, how are we to get the food we need. Are you going to buy a fresh cow to milk 2X daily and put out to a pasture for the day so you can have total control over your milk? It would be in that 100 mile radius, and you would know pretty much what it ate. Would you eventually kill it to make your meat meals? Being a vegetarian is hard work. In order for your body to work at its best, then you must partake of complete protiens. They are the building blocks of muscle, etc. It is stuff you need. Well, it takes a special combination of certain veegtables to make a complete protein. Otherwise, you aren't getting what you need. One combo is beans and corn. They make a complete protein, but my guess is that it gets monotonous as your daily diet.
Anyway, good luck with the whole food thing. I buy a certain brand of chicken because it hasnt been shot up with saline to make it weigh more and we just like it. You already know about my tomatoes that ripened in the house when I pulled them while green because there was a huge cold front coming.
If you have a little place to make a small vegetable garden it would be fun for you and Jake to plan and sow some seeds and get some plants from the nursery to have your own vegetable garden. Be ready to pick off tomato horn worms. They are scary looking, but won't hurt you. We have a garden every year and my cousin is coming over this Sunday for lunch and the planning of our garden and which seeds we want to get a head start on for the garden. Hint: zuchinni is easy and prolific. Makes a good ingredient for bread, too.
Man..I got off on a tangent there. I see the Blessed Virgin Mary's niche has some new company. I keep St. Michael by my grandson's picture.
Maybe five months ago my body broke up with dairy. And not in a lactose intolerance way, with farting or whatever.
I mean like now if I drink milk I end up violently puking and breaking out in rash.
It sucks.
A lot.
Butter! How can I live without butter???
Free cocktails?! I will be at your house Monday see you then and we will go 'grocery shopping'!
Oh and yes my mom was always telling me to eat things to put 'hair on my chest'. As if I want that!
I'd love to write something funny, but the subject is really close to my heart.
When I was a kid, most girls were 12 or 13 before they got their periods and about the same age before they wore their first training bras. Now girls are 9 when they menstruate and 9 when they wear their first bras - and many of those are not the training variety! Why? Because of all the freakin' hormones given to animals, cows in particular...and because of all the freakin' fast food places that serve the crap and all of the overbooked children and parents who don't have time to sit down to dinner at home and eat healthy food.
The milk issue is part of that.
And of course that's just one example of what hormones will do for you. As people begin to drop dead from new and more virulent strains of cancer, maybe then we'll wise up?
Where does the buck stop? With the consumer. I wish people would think of the long term ramifications to their daily actions.
And now, I will jump off my soapbox.
my brain exploded reading udder pus, and then reeled when you mention what the hormones potentially could be doing to my daughter.
she drinks milk like its going out of style WTF
This is from the real Gwen :) (no offense to the previous commenter Gwen. I'm just not used to encountering other Gwens in my daily life).
I think that milk tastes better from a glass bottle. I remember when I was really little, milk always came in glass bottles with a red metal twist cap. It was yummy. I'm not quite so...up in arms about hormones in milk. But I get what you're saying about the whole boob/vagina thing. There are some people who think that the only time in our life we should drink milk is when we're newborn, and then it should only be human milk. I love milk (and milk products, like cheese) far too much to give it up.
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