get into this boy's soul

Can you believe that Kelly at Dare to be Domestic doesn't watch Always Sunny?  Gah, Kelly.  Netflix, Netflix, Netflix.  It's the most retarded piece of retardedism out there.  And I use the word retarded in that way that I don't mean retarded like the people who have a disability just like sometimes we say gay and we don't mean homosexual so I don't want any hate mail from the people who want us to stop using those words because clearly they aren't the kind of people who watch this show and can understand what I mean.  It's just so retarded.  And kind of gay.  But right there I mean gay but gay like homosexual because there is definitely some gay stuff that happens sometimes.  It's so not pc and so far-fetched that you won't even know what you are watching while you are watching it.  You have to watch it so you can see how much you won't get it until you do and then you will and then you'll laugh and then you'll be all like "what?" and you'll try to talk about it with someone the next day and you won't be able to so you'll just say "Netflix, Netflix, Netflix".


Sometimes I hate Always Sunny in Philadelphia because they aren't always in Philadelphia even when they say they are and that gets me mad.  Just stay here.  Don't take the show on the road, as it were.  Tina Fey did that when she filmed that horrible movie Baby Mama.  I almost wrote her a letter and boycotted 30 Rock, but then I thought to myself, "who are you really punishing, Lora?  Yourself or Tina?".  It was me.  Tina doesn't care that I knew she was lying about where the movie was set, and I love 30 Rock and it is the only television show that I watch that isn't on the History Channel or A&E.  It's my only tie to popular culture.  My only "in" with the "in crowd". 

Kelly gave me this awhile back, and ever since I've been singing the songs constantly.  Thanks Kelly.

(This award is all about recognizing friendships that have been made while blogging.)

The Rule:
1. List 6 things you are a master in.

My Six Things:

1. I'm a master at making things up so Jake won't be scared anymore.  Last night I told him that monsters are afraid of the dark.  So, when I turn the hall light off, they get scared because they can't see where they are going and they don't want to stub their toe so they go to the neighbor's house and that's why those two brats scream all night.  And when he called me out and said that can't be true because they live in dark caves because there isn't any electricity in caves and it's too damp to make a fire, I told him that just like he can find his way from his room to mine in the dark, monsters know their way around their own caves so they don't mind the darkness there.
2. I'm a master at soups and sauces.  You just can't mess up a soup or a sauce.  The worst that can happen is that you make too much while you try to even everything out.  Big deal.  Freeze half of it for another day.
3. I'm a master at bleeding people for information.  I can drain you dry by the end of the night.  It's why I'm good at my job.  I promise I don't use that skill in real life.  Sometimes when people find out what I do for a living they don't like to talk to me because they think I use my 9 to 5 skills in the 5 to 9.  Hardly.  I shun them like leprosy.  
4. I'm a master taco bar creator.  I love the taco bar.  I wish I had a mile long counter and a clean up crew.  Because it would be on like Megatron.  Beans and rice and pineapples and lettuce and tomatoes and and and.  You need it all.
5. I'm a master at saying things that no one really gets.  Things like "on like Megatron".  I love making up words that sound like real things.
6. I'm a master grosser-outer.  Sometimes I wish I could surround myself with ten year old boys all day just so I could cleanse myself of all the pent up nastiness that is plaguing my insides.  Because no one my age wants to hear it.  I'll spare you the gorier details, but I practically got kicked out of the car this morning when I shared how I think that fresh raw steaks smell like the inside of a Bobrick.  In all fairness, no one even wants to hear what a Bobrick is.  The Bobricks in Suburban Station have ashtrays built into them.  Classy!  Retro!  Nasty!