Tiny teensy insey winesy pink things. Hoppy floppy mopsy cottontailed green and brown bun buns all over the bedding. Flowers and flounces and bonnets and ruffley muffley underpantses that go under ickly bickly dresses.
Makes a girl's ovaries want to throw a party.
What?
Oh come on! For like a minute. It was all over an hour after I left.
Blogga, please. Me with a girl? That chick would be spittin' and sassin' before she could walk. One thing I know about little girls? They turn into big girls. And quick. Something very very right in the universe happened the day that Jake wasn't a girl.
But what if he was?
What would I do?
How would I dress him? Her? It? Her?
Like me? Cargo shorts and jeans and v-neck sweaters and tanktops? Oh hey! Maybe I didn't tell you. I've made a pact with myself. No more men's clothes (in the summer, in the winter I'm free to be me, whatever that me may be). Well, mostly. I'm wearing dresses instead of shorts all summer. And this may or may not have something to do with the fact that I'm too, um- womanly- to fit into the largest size at Gap Kids Boy's section anymore and I'm not loving the super long crotch of their men's pants these days. I'm betting they must have changed the way they are cutting the fabric or something. Ahem. Emah. Right.
I'm guessing I'd probably dress my daughter more like a girl. But no pink. Very little of it at least. And hardly any purple. No frills or glitter or weird appliques. Ever notice that the clothes in the little girls departments look very similar to the clothes in the plus size department of the $9.99 stores? I just can't stand it. Pink looks like something that would cure a bellyache and that pastey little girl purple color is just it's ugly cousin. Reminds me of crushed up Necco wafers.
I like plain stuff. Like plain stuff that you can't find for girls.
Would I have to brush her hair? Because even though Jake's hair is longish, I don't really comb it. I just let it do what it does. It's really boho punk rock. That's his style. That's the way he likes it, and I'm fine with that. Is it different with girls? I mean, I don't comb my hair. I just cut it all off the back and tuck it behind my ears in the front until it dries and then it has this nice wave to it and it hits about chin-length so it sort of looks like a bob. Is that okay to do to a little girl? Buzz her head I mean? I'm sure as shit not going to pigtail it every damned day. Is it okay to cornrow whitebaby hair? Because I'm open to that option.
For me, I over-compensate for the short hair with eyeliner if I'm going anywhere that requires girlishness. I'm no Mrs. Jon Benet or anything, but can I over-compensate for buzzing my daughter's head with eyeliner? I'm not gonna pageant the kid out or anything. Just take her to the store or wherever. Keep people from calling her "boy".
Would I have to buy her Barbie dolls and baby dolls? No, right? I don't know. We aren't supposed to buy dolls anymore I don't think. Something about they cause bulimia and MTV specials and misguided adulthood goals or something like that. I don't keep up with toy politico. I've struggled with this before.
What do little girls play with?
Horses? Are little girls still into those plastic horses?
I loved plastic horses.
Black Beauty?
Flicka and Banner?
"Arrrrrrrrtaaaxxxxxxxxxxx!"
Would I have to balance swim class with soccer practice and piano lessons and ballet/tap/jazz the way my mom and dad had to do with me? Because you can't just do one of those things. Too much dance and you'll make her too femme. Too much soccer and she'll get lots of tattoos and buzz the back of her hair...oh. Never mind. Too much piano and she
will
hate
music
class.
And none of that can interfere with school of course.
So when we aren't figuring out to do with her mop and stuff, we could read. I think. I used to read everything I could get my hands on.
My brother was recently appalled to find the following books in his daughter's collection:
"My Perfect Wedding" starring Cinderella.
"One True Love" starring Aladdin's girlfriend Jasmine
"My Prince has Come" with Sleeping Beauty
"Cleaning House" with Snow White.
Yeah, no that's not good. Those books would be firestarters in my house. The pages would make nice kindling. Twist 'em tight and light the ends and poke 'em deep under the logs to start the fire.
Shifting from the topic of "What the hell would I do with a girlbaby" and back to real life. Jake and I read a condensed Disney version of The Little Mermaid last night. Now, I've never seen the Disney version of TLM, but I was hesitant to read this story because I know the real Hans Christian Anderson TLM story. The one that starts with exotic piercings and ends with suicide. So, yeah.
Anyway. Poor Jake got all choked up at the end of the story and said:
"stories about girls make me so sad. i'm so sorry you had to be borned a girl, mommy. girls have such sad and bad lives until they get loved. and then girls have to leave their family to keep their boyfriends so they don't have bad lives anymore."
(did I ever tell you that one way Jake likes to buy more awake time at bedtime is to get real deep with me? It kills me to have to leave him hanging, but I have to draw the line somewhere because I know it's a game he plays.).
So I say, "what do you mean?"
"well, just like ariel had to leave her daddy and her friends so she could be loved, that's what you had to do too. that's why you live so far away from mimi and grandpa and you live in the town where daddy comes from. because that's what girls do. just like in the story. you moved here so you could get happy and loved."
WELL...
"Yes, I do live far away from my family and some of my friends, but I didn't move away to be loved. These are just stories and I don't even really think they are particularly good stories and we will talk about all this another time because it is way past bedtime and now it's time to go to sleep."
"mom?"
"i have more questions"
"tomorrow"
"but you always say i can ask you anything at any time and there is never a time that isn't a good time for a question"
"Is this an emergency?"
"yes"
"Yes, Jacob?"
"I love you, and can I have some water?"
"I love you too and you can get it yourself. Goodnight."
***
Jacob may never know the reasons I moved away from home, and all he needs to know about the reason I never went back is because I'm happy now.
It may not be a fairy tale, but it's a nice story.
32 comments:
OMG Jake is pretty damn amazing girl! He might have simplified it but all too often the girl does leave her nest to find love or keep love. (Thankfully when I left my nest there was always the option to go back home to be close to my family but I think that's rather smart of him... maybe when he finds a special girl they'll compromise for both families).
If I had a girl I don't know how I would dress her. I melt when I see cute stuff at the store but honestly... I wasn't a girlie girl at all. I wore 2 tshirts RELIGIOUSLY... and by religiously I mean until they were holy! One was a bright orange Dukes of Hazzard Tshirt - Bo was SO dreamy. And the other was a pale pastel yellow GLITTER IRON ON Miss Piggy Tshirt - my all time favorite!!!
Any other time I was always dressed in something that might have purple on it (my favorite color as a kid) and it always needed to have a unicorn on it. The only glitter I wore was iron ons from the shore. And they had to be RAINBOWS and UNICORNS!!! HAD TO BE!
Bottom line I was a tomboy who liked girlie things like Barbie, My Little Pony and Unicorns but I had more fun playing with the boys, being out doors etc. I think the girl stuff only became common when I made friends with more girls.
Once your kids are old enough they tell you what they want to wear anyway.
P.S. Being girlie in the summer is easier.. IT'S TOO HOT to wear shorts/pants you gotta let that shit breathe!!! ;)
I think if you had a girl she'd be the younger sister of a boy and that would explain away the boy clothes.
It's a good thing I didn't have girls either. People always ask me about my girl and I tell them that I'm trying for a granddaughter.
Nice job with the happily ever after!
Well I didn't have a girl either; but, I have four granddaughters!! woohoo! And I dressed them frilly and sparkly and did their long long hair and let them play dress up with heels and make up! Yes I did and I loved every minute of it. LOL!! And we still play dress up but now with hip clothes and we do fashion shows. I love that too!! So I thank my boy for giving me four fabulous girls!!
Hugs
SueAnn
It is a bit crazy having girl babies. I frequently get criticized for dressing Lucy in Sam's hand-me-downs. I'm sorry, but kakhi pants are kakhi pants, and I refuse to dress her in those short shorts they make even for babies these days. Dut I do occasionally indulge in some purple, cause it's my favorite.
i had one of each, The Girl is 23 and The Boy is 21. we chose to raise them as children. when gender matters? you know it... and they do, too.
The Boy naturally evolved toward rolling in dirt, running until he fell down, and wanting to be an army guy, a forest ranger or a bird.
The Girl evolved toward arts, books and music. She briefly (thank god) went through a barbie phase that ended after about a year when we started finding them mutilated. She was making them war criminals for her brothers Army Tribunals using GI Joes...
Now? She's an arabic linguist, working to make enhance understanding of middle eastern cultures. He's a skater punk, and a junior in college. It works out. And i am thankful that they haven't felt too constrained by gender.
but their old lady is an engineer, who rebuilt an '83 cj-7 for shits and giggles... sounds like jake is a good human. that's what the hokey pokey is really all about!
hahahah the first part had me laughing. I think girls do still like those plastic horses, from what I have seen.
Thats too cute ans sweet that Jake gets philosophical just to get you stay up with him.
You couldn't be less of a girl than me and yet my daughter is growing up to be very girlish. They don't need active encouragement.
Girl, I don't love me any kind of pink, and yet my daughter lives in it. She's only 3 -9 days, so it's not like she's picking them out herself. And you'd be surprised, purple is unusual to find, so I kind of like it. Though browns (almost always w. pink now, tho) and greens and blues work, too! ;)
I tell JT to get his own water, too.
Power to the boy raisers.
Having one of each, I would say that my girl hates her brothers clothes. He wears them to bits.
As for the pink, the lengths to go to avoid it are not worth the trouble. I just dress her in Girl clothes, not mini-sexy clothes.
OMG, "It's a boy" were the sweetest words the sonogram tech and then the doc in the delivery room said to me - twice. WTF would I do with a girl? And the PMS? I couldn't handle the PMS. I'm glad my sister had a girl. I can buy the cutesy and borrow her and then give her back to her rightful parents. There was a time my ovaries used to ache for 1.5 seconds, but then I got a nasty stomach virus this weekend and I was reminded of what it's like when I'm pregnant, so NO WAY IN HELL, NEVER EVER AGAIN.
I love the last part about leaving home, never going back, being happy, and that's all that matters. A-MEN.
As somebody who really wants a girl (or two), I read this post and think, "Right on. Powerful, independant, defining-her-own-gender-expectations kid is what I'd raise."
But then I think of the example of my best friends back in Michigan. Goth/Industrial parents, into all things dark and geeky. The daughter? Pink. Pink, pink, pinktastically pinkest of all. We used to talk about how girly she was, and wonder where she got it from. Disney? Grandparents? Secret Taffeta-pushing Bogeymen?
Us: "Hey Trin! What do you want to be when you grow up?"
4-year-old Trin: "Married."
I'll never forget the day I got this triumphant phone call from her dad, when she was about 6-
Trin's Dad: "Pat! I took Trin to get some work out stuff, y'know, like a track suit?"
Me: "Yeah..."
Trin's Dad: "And SHE CHOSE THE BLACK ONE! There was even pink, and she wanted the black one!!!! I just had to tell somebody! Okay, bye."
Me: "Um...bye?"
[Scary no cost addendum: neither of these anecdotes seem that long ago, and Trin has a driver's license now.)
If you had a girl she would probably love pink and tutus. It is the law of opposites. I love how you ended the post. Life isn't always a fairy tale. It rarely is.
OMG Jake is just too cute for words! What an insightful, loving little boy you have, you should be very proud of him and you too for raising such a great kid! By the way as I was reading this I thought back to my childhood and remembered having to wear those frilly lacy underpants and I hated them. I could never seem to stay seated on my booster seat, the damn lace gave no traction and I was always slipping away to the floor!
You know, you could at least mention (or at least write an amendment) that I was also appalled when I saw those books. Don't want your readers thinking your brother is raising a girl in awful ways.
As the mother of a girl who loves all things frilly, let me assure you that you would have been fine. Just as I am fine. Because no matter what, your child is who THEY want to be. ultimately, you are just along for the ride.
I am a tomboy. My daughter is a princess who refuses to wear anything but dresses that swirl.
Drives me nuts. But...she is strong, smart and self reliant.
The clothes don't matter too much.
I know I don't want to do pink and ruffles and "happily ever after." But I know that if I have to I will, and I just may enjoy it one day.
Kids are funny. Right now my boy would wear his two football jerseys everyday of the week if I let him. He also has a thing for heels. I never thought I'd be telling my toddler "no more high heels." Or wrestling frilly tulle and lace and satin Easter dresses away from him at the store. Or chasing him through the boys' department while he clutches hot pink glitter pajamas.
You just never know what you're gonna get.
"Is it okay to cornrow whitebaby hair? Because I'm open to that option."
OMFG. You are one funny chica. I adore you and the way you think. You are one big charming contradiction, and yet, you make perfect sense.
I want us to be sisters. Immediately if not sooner.
Send me the papers. Thank you.
You know, you can TRY to keep that stuff out of their repertoire. The truth is, if they have a propensity for it, it will happen. Sometimes that girly crap is genetic.
I have a mom friend who is a college professor. Feminist studies. Her daughter is OBSESSED with pink, leopard print, skirts and girly shoes. They tried their best to keep it outta there. And at the age of nine, she's got waist-length hair with bows, pink dresses and cheetah boots. Ugh.
God, Jake is waaaay too wise for this planet! How insightful-- what is he, the Dalai Lama of the Greater Philadelphia Region??? Holy crap!
Anyway, my little girl was her own independent person (still is) and more than once I heard comments that 'she's more like a boy than a girl'. Never a tomboy, just sort of not gender-typed... She's strong and independent, and I'm so proud of her.
The one thing I find about the clothes and stuff you see for little girls today is that they're either 'slut-ready' or 'princess'. They both make me hurl, so it's very time-consuming to find clothes that are just normal for girls. Clothes that don't restrict, confine, or expose them... It can be done, it just takes tremendous effort.
...cause we all know men's junk isn't getting bigger...
(for the longer cut crotches)
I'm alive.
I love this post!
Tell Jake it IS tough being a girl, but girls are strong enough to handle what life throws at them.
Too deep? Probably not for Jake. That kids thought process is amazing. He obviously thinks alot like you. . . at 200 mph.
I think you would be the perfect Mom for a little girl! You would be so cool with her. I think you would shock yourself.
When they told me that Aaron was going to be a girl I panicked. I had no clue on what to do with a girl baby or girl child. Slowly but surely I got used to the idea of having a girl. I was going to wing it and hope it worked out. Then Aaron was born male and I realized the universe gave me exactly what I could handle.
1. I've pretty much always had an emo boy's haircut. My mom chopped it all off when I was too young to do anything about it, and I never had the energy to grow it out myself.
2. I also compensate for this with the eyeliner, just in case. I suppose however, that these days that could still be confused as an emo boy.
3. I saw a mother and baby daughter both dressed in outrageous shades of pink today. From their pants to their sweaters to their coats and hats. It was like a giant blob of pink vomit and I was appalled. I would have been less outraged if they were both wearing matching Canadian tuxedos. My child (if that ever happens) will never be seen in public in pink.
girls do that bedtime-manipulation shit, too.
and yes, horses.
and no barbies because i said so.
and yes reading.
and no sparkly word on asses because i said so.
and wear whatever you want with the exception of things with sparkly words on asses.
and comb your hair if it needs it.
and if you don't want to comb your hair i will chop it off. yes i will.
that is all for now.
haha you're great. always a great read.
i have two daughters ages 10 and 8 (shit im old!) and my oldest is more the girlie girl and my youngest is the tough, borderline tomboy, meanie...well fake meanie because she is sweet as hell. she's also the middle child.
my wife is just like my younger daughter so she has an archetype right in front of her of what she will be like. my wife is sweet and beautiful but can come across as mean, or to be frank, a bitch. she's tatted up and usually has her pulled back and dresses in sweat pants or jeans unless we're going somewhere that requires fancier attire.
a woman recently told my wife she was crazy for letting our kids dress themselves. she couldnt believe that we allow our kids to head to school in shit that doesnt match or was 'over done'. sometimes the 8 year old will throw on excessive sweaters for no apparent reason. but anyway we dont care because we want them to feel in control of things that are appropriate for kids to handle and attire is absolutely in their grasp. in our opinion of course...for the record, i could see your 'daughter' dressing like my 8 year old
A child after my own heart: observant, intelligent and manipulative! Keeps a mom on her toes. Excellent!
I hate pink. It's right there in my blog profile. That's how much I hate it. I'm not a fancy girl. I have pottery, not china. I like straight lines and earth tones and black. I wear my hair really short now and, while I played them, I was only ever average at sports and I dropped out of college.
My daughter has hair down below her butt, was literally MVP in basketball, soccer and softball, is in grad school and on occasion wears pink. She is the kid everyone at school was afraid to cross. It all works itself out.
Your ovaries throw a party and mine shrivel up and die a little at the thought of a little girl, who will one day be a teen girl....
I'm all for skipping those horrible prince charming type stories and limiting your little girl's play toys to "girlie" toys, but glitter? There's nothing sexist about glitter. It's shiny goodness.
PS - I thought of you when I rented Coraline over the weekend. That is the scariest kids movie I've ever seen.
I've always said there is a reason I have three boys. I love girl clothes, hair, shoes, makeup. But my girlyness stops there. My mom said even as a kid, I would be all dressed up in a dress (I refused pants) and patent leather Mary-Janes, out climbing the trees and playing cars in the mud. I'm still like that. I don't know what I would do if I had to host a "tea party" with a girl child.
http://dailyinfluences.blogspot.com/
Oh, my goodness, I'm exhausted just reading this. Thank goodness I didn't see it before I had kids. Altho you seriously might want to think about publishing this as birth control. A whole new career...
Jake is too cute. But he needs some better girl-books, no?
As usual, you never cease to amaze me with your writing. Too clever!
http://www.islandroar.com/
I'd want to say I wouldn't drown my future daughter in pink, but I can't be sure I wouldn't get caught up in it just a little. It's a bit tempting, though I don't want to go too far down that princess road.
Blogga, please is my new fave expression.
I'm a personal fan of little girl dressed in Punky Brewster rainbow primary colors. Wow, I'm showing my age. (Which if anyone asks is 23- I just look mature).
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