coming out

So, I wasn't sure how to tell you this, or even if I should, or if it's too early, or too late, or if we're supposed to talk about it, or whatever, but I'm going to BlogHer.

Sort of.

I mean, it's right up the proverbial street from me this year, and if I don't like it or no one likes me I can always just jump on the Chinatown bus and come home whenever I want.  It's not like it's hard to get from here to there or there to here.  And I already have roomies. 

But, I don't have a ticket.  Or pass. Or whatever they call it.

And I'm not going to buy one, or try to score one off eBay, because I don't care a lick about networking and advertisements and sponsorships and promotions and all that other stuff that BlogHer (trademark) is all about.  Namely, I don't feel comfortable giving my money to The BlogHer Conference Fund for the same reasons that you don't see a BlogHer banner on my sidebar.  I think that BlogHer does a lot of good things, it's just not for me.  I'm weird like that.

I just care about togetherness and rainbows and kittens and sunshine and chronicling the human experience and hanging out with my internet and real life writer besties in New York a few days before my 34th birthday.

can I get a what what
from alla my bloggers
who ain't gotta intrest in
no monetizin' confrence.
but would ratha getta getta bus pass
and maybe maybe hit the City?
now lemme see who wantsa
bounce wit me bounce wit me .

I mean, all I'm saying is that all you writers out there who have ever felt like a failure because you aren't making bank off your words and photos or like you aren't good enough because you don't have a giant followership or those of you who don't have the hundreds of dollars to fork over or those of you who don't have a desire to spend the hundreds of dollars that you do have on something Corporate (fight the powers that be!), or those of you who don't want to be put on the waitlist... yeah... New York City is still open for business, and we can bring peanut butter and jelly and granola bars and loaves of bread so we don't have to spend tons of money on food.  And I'm pretty sure there are liquor stores and grocery stores and corner stores there.  So we don't have to spend mad dollars on food and booze.

No need to be intimidated.

And if we aren't going to the conferences, we don't have to worry about business casual attire.  So NO SPANX.  Do you hear me, ladies?  NO SPANX, or control tops of any kind.  No high heels during daylight hours unless you absolutely want to, since we will be walking around and getting cultured.  So many people complain that they enjoyed BlogHer but missed out on getting to know the host city.  Well, not us.  We are going out as we are and coming back better people for it.  Who cares if our stomachs stick out or our legs aren't elongated?  How about it?  We are writers.  No one ever stops a supermodel on the street and asks her to stop quick and draft a coherent essay.

And we will hang out in public, lessening our chances of being slaughtered by psycho blogstalkers.  (read: no hotel parties, especially with boybloggers.  Sorry, fellas.  A bunch of us ladies will meet you somewhere else if we all agree that's what we all want to do.).

And what else?  I'm trying to use this paragraph to list all the reasons I haven't yet been to BlogHer.  Can you tell? 

I did buy an Expo Hall and Cocktail Party pass though. 

And maybe I'll have some business cards made up.  It sounds douchey, but I think it's the normal thing to do there.

Anyone else headed to New York in August for this BlogGer thing?