So, there's this girl.

No, wait.  That's not a good way to start this story.

So, sometimes I ride the 23 bus downtown in the morning.  And there's this girl who gets on round about Ellsworth and I am just over the moon about her.  I'd say she's almost 40, but she looks just a little past 30.  I don't think she's a little past 30 but looks almost 40.  She's just not that kind of lady.  If I get on the bus around 8.40, she's sure to be on there, and I study everything she does and wears and the way she moves and how she breathes and situates her toes under her knees and and and and.

I was a bit preoccupied by my book this morning, and didn't notice that when the guy next to me got up, she sat down and I'm sort of glad I didn't but I almost wished I did and for three blocks I considered skipping my stop because I have a couple hours of comp time today that I was planning to use to clean the kitchen but I could just as easily use it to see where she works but that would be creepy and I didn't want to have to bother her by making her get up because she was clearly busy checking her phone and she looked so peaceful that I didn't want to cause a stir.  But, I did.

"Excuse me"

And she said, "oh sure.  I love your bag"

And my brain said "I love you, I love your hair, I love the way it curls and you don't try to straighten it but you know how to manage it and I love your glasses and your earrings and your nose and your wine colored lipstick that isn't matte but it isn't glossy and how you wear it all year round and I can depend on it in rain or shine and I love all your dresses and the way you make your jeans look and I love your shoes because I really love maryjanes and you have at least six pairs and I love your phone- I have a Blackberry too we can messenger each other all the time if we exchange numbers, and I love your rings and your bracelets and the anklet you wear in the summer and I love the books you read and the way you use Pilot V5s to do the puzzles in the Metro and the way you put your bus pass in the same spot in your wallet (that I love) and I love and admire the way you are on time every day and how you shake out your umbrella outside and put it away before you get on the bus so you don't make a mess and how you give your seat to old people and ladies with babies and little girls in skirts while you compliment them and do you have children because maybe we can make a playdate or we can just get a coffee during the day sometime or a tea maybe or do you like Thai because I know this great place at the Terminal if you want to get lunch sometime and maybe if lunch goes well we can get a drink one day after work or maybe on a Saturday and talk about starting a bookclub or a writers club do you write because you look like you write, I love your neighborhood, I love the way it's one neighborhood up from mine and although it's pretty much the same it's a little bit different and the Mexican food is a little bit better in yours but you have to deal with the tourists and the vermin from the Market more than I do, I love the Market, but I don't love tourists and vermin, do you deal with that much, and did you know that peppermint oil can keep away mice and  I love peppermint oil because it's not just good to keep away the mice, but it's also a disinfectant and it can help with bad breath and headaches and bellyaches and it's really good for clearing your sinuses if you put a little on the back of your neck and  your temples it helps clears you up and oh, have you ever neti-ed if not you really should  I love neti pots, I feel the way about neti pots the way some people feel about Jesus, I could seriously stand on a mountain and preach the Gospel of Neti but secretly I like to call it the Snot Pot, so gross right, have you done it, you really should.  Neti Saves.  You wouldn't believe what comes out of your head the first time you do it, I mean like, buttons and shit I had cat hair and, like, black, like, dust and stuff up there I almost puked when I saw what came out so can I get your number, or maybe your card, or should I give you mine and that way you can call me if you want to, I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to because no pressure, I wouldn't be offended if you didn't, I mean you really must be busy you look like a busy person, with the Blackberry and the books and the paper and you wear a lot of dresses so you probably have, like a real high end job or something so you might not want to call me or whatever I mean, whatever, do what you want.  I love you.  Call me.  Or don't.  I love you.  I've been watching you for years.  You're amazing.  You're everything I want to be.  You define the word "woman" for me.  Sometimes when I buy things I picture you wearing them.  One time I got close enough to you and I breathed really deep so I could smell your hair and I smiled because we use the same shampoo.  I love you.  Let's be friends and drive to the countryside when the weather breaks and make daisy chains and wear them in our hair and hold hands and spin in circles until we fall down laughing and just lie where we fall for hours and days.

But my mouth said, "thank you!  I like your...
and a thousand years passed and countless suns rose and set and I formed my word carefully because it was early in the morning and I wanted to be very cautious with what passed my lips because I'm still all dysphasic from the migraine meds and now my allergies are in full force and that never helps and so help me Neti if the word 'vagina' or 'breasts' or something of the like came out right here I would absolutely effing die and I would probably be sitting in a jail cell with a slapmark across my cheek right now
"jacket!  is it new?  I've been looking for one like that but it's near impossible to find something like that." 

And she said "oh, it's ages old, I'm almost embarrassed to tell you how long I've had it."
And then I laughed and she laughed and I got off the bus and maybe next time I see her I'll say hello instead of staring at her like some icked out creepster.

Is it just me who gets this way around certain people?  I'm normally extremely outgoing and comfortable around everyone and can think of one thousand conversation starters and middlers and enders and I never have a problem around most people.  But then I get a girlcrush on someone and I turn awkward and inept and and and desperately in need of a helmet and kneepads and 28 days of intensive inpatient therapeutic programming.


I was just going to say that maybe next time I see her I'll sneak a camera phone pic of her so you guys can see her, but that's probably a step in the wrong direction.  Plus, you'd be all, seriously Lora?  What's the big deal?  Just say hello.  Make a new friend.  People do it every day.  Stop being such a stalker.