Kelly at Dare to be Domestic did this meme, and since I'm running short on brain power, I think I'll play along.

But first, read this if you are new here and click here as many times as you can stand to:


a. area code: Philadelphia will always be the Two One Five in our hearts, but my cell is a Two Six Seven.  My office phone is 215, and I think if I got a home phone number (which I haven't had in over a decade) it would probably be a 215er too.

b. bed size: Queen. And that is not nearly big enough to share.  It's high time to break Jake of the habit of crawling in there in the middle of the night, but I have to admit that I like it better when he's in there.  ME!  The girl who doesn't share the bed with anyone but her cat!  I was doing just fine until I sat in on a parenting group and listened to a mom my own age who lost her child suddenly one day.  She wasn't a normal "client", she was a mom just like me, middle class, white, with a three year old boy who choked on a grape.
A grape.
While he was snacking and she was in the shower.
She went to parenting class because she was having a hard time taking care of her daughter after the loss of her son and thought she would find some support there.
She said that she was struggling with keeping her son in his own bed in the weeks before he died and did everything in her power to keep him there.  Parents who are reading, you know how it is.  It's such a battle.  And sometimes voices get raised and you hold that little hand just a little too hard while you march that kid back to his room in the middle of the night...
Well, of course she would give anything for one last night with her boy in her bed with her.
I don't want to be in her shoes.
But I also don't want to get kicked in the head and guts and kneecaps all night either.

c. chore you hate: Housework.

d. dog's name: I don't have a current dog.  But I've had Benji, Hershey, Jake, Sam, Fritz, Wimpy, Kelly, Shadow, and Marley.  I think that's it.  And I'm not calling my son a dog.  I had a dog named Jake before I had a boy named Jake.  Everyone has had a dog named Jake, right?
I like big dogs.  If a dog isn't over 75 pounds, I have no use for that dog.  If a dog is under 20 pounds, I'm looking at a cat who doesn't know how to use the litter box.
Useless.

e. essential "start of the day" item: A shower and a double check to make sure my zipper is pulled up.  Anything else can be purchased on the way to work.

f. favorite color: Orange.  Followed by green.

g. gold or silver: Gold.  The yellow kind.

h. height: 5'7"

i. instruments you play: my favorite joke here is: the skin flute.

j. job: I'm a Social Work Program Monitor.  Doing lots of stuff lately that isn't in the Job Description.  But that's okay, in these days you do what gets tossed your way 

k. kids: I love that movie.  I plan on showing it to Jake on his 12th birthday and tell him that all stuff happens to you if you do drugs and have sex.  Maybe I'll show it to him on his 11th birthday, because I'm quite sure that I had done drugs by the time my 12th birthday had rolled around.

l. living arrangements: We own a two bedroom rowhome in the south part of the city.  It's not a bad life at all.

m. mom's name: Janet.

n. nickname: Sometimes my mom calls me Sis, sometimes my dad calls me Sparky.  When Jake hears them call me that, he'll call me that for a few days too. 

o. overnight hospital stay: Just the birthgiving and the time I had to have my face rebuilt.

p. pet peeve: there is not enough time in the day.  Everything.  Everything everyone does annoys the piss out of me.  But you've probably figured that out by now.  I can't even stand myself most days.  People are so gross.

q. quote from movie: I'm so bad at this, I'm not even going to try.  Say Anything is probably the best movie for quotes.  Now that I mention that, I'm thinking maybe I should have said Better off Dead.  Hell, just click on both those titles and it will take you to the IMBD quotes page.

r. righty or lefty: Righty

s. siblings: One brother, two step brothers, and I used to have a step-sister but I haven't seen her in a decade and a half, no love lost.

t. time you wake up: the alarm is set for 6.30, but this has no bearing on the time I get up.

u. underwear: I buy it by the bag.  I love bagged underwear, provided you get a good bag.  There is nothing worse than buying a bag and getting stuck with 4 to 6 pairs of faulty drawers.  Fruit of the Loom bikinis size 6.  No elastic band, please, if you're offering.  I hate those big inch-wide elastic bands.  They leave marks and make me feel like a fatty.  There is nothing less flattering than when your clothes leave marks in your skin.

v. vegetables you dislike: raw onions, olives, artichokes, and anything else briney or pungent.  There is a reason we were given noses.  It's so we don't eat anything that smells disgusting.  Like onions or briney vegetables.  Or cheese that smells like homeless peoples' balls or feet.  Or fish that smells like hookerpus.
Do I know what homeless peoples' balls smell like?  Absolutely.  It's not like you  have to get that close to smell them.

w. ways or reasons you are late: Jake.  That's it.  I was never late until he was shoved up in my guts.  That's not even a period joke.  But that was late too.  I was the most punctual person you've ever met until he was here.  Now I can't get anywhere on time.

x. x-rays: teeth, of course, I've had a few bone scans done, and I've had my hands done a few times because I keep forgetting how long my arms are and my hands have gotten caught up in doors and stuff plenty of times.  Most recently I got my neck x-rayeded:

Everything's fine.  My neck is super long, yes.  I'm gangly.  But I'm more careful with my head than I am with my hands.  Rest assured.

y. yummy food you make: Chili.  And I don't care what you people from Texas say, you need beans in there.  I hate chili without beans.  It's like meat sauce.  Ick.  Who wants that?  I'm also the queen of pasta sauces that aren't boring old marinara.  Which is the impetus behind Wednesday Spaghetti.  Do you do Wednesday Spaghetti at your house?  I invented it a couple years ago when I noticed that the world would be a better place if we just sat down and ate together like we used to.  There's a blog for it and everything.  Please let me know if you want to join the WedSpagger movement.  All you have to do is sit down and eat with your friends or family. 

z. zoo animals you like: Let's pretend that doesn't say zoo because I'm morally opposed to zoos.  Of course I am, right?
For the record, Jake has been to the zoo, just not on my watch and not on my dime.
And let's flip to the B-side and say that I even worked as a volunteer at the Philadelphia Zoo for awhile, until my  heart couldn't take another day.  If I didn't work there, I would probably be a card-carrying member of the zoo.  The animals are all cared for according to specifications, but the specifications are just not up to my standards.  I couldn't take it.  Lots of disease (including in the petting zoo.  I'm sorry, but if I was required to wear rubber gloves to feed the petting zoo animals because of all the salmonella and other nasties, why are we letting kids in there?) and tiny cages (read: Rubbermaid Shoeboxes with holes poked in them for those animals that are part of the "shows" that are put on in the Kiddie Zoo) and teasing goes on behind the scenes.  It's fucked up.
You know how I'm reading the Complete Works of John Irving?  I had a hard time getting through parts of Setting Free the Bears.  I wonder if Irving volunteered in a zoo, because that night guard?  Yeah...
I have fond memories of going to the zoo with my parents, and Jake will have fond memories of going to the zoo with significant people in his life.  Just not his mom.
I don't go to the zoo.
But you can, and I think it's totally fine.
I also don't feel that he needs to go to the zoo because it's educational, he needs to go because it's fun to run around and see everything and eat junk all day.  What the devil does my White American Child have to do with seeing a penned lion from 20 yards away?  How is that educational?
"Look, dear.  See the lion?  That's how they lie still on the savanna when they don't have to work for their food.  See how his sides go in and out when he breathes?  See the flies get swished by his tail?  See the matted fur?  And the scabs?  See him yawn?  If you see one of those in nature, run.  Moving on."
My favorite animals that don't live in our houses and can't usually be found here in the States are: Giraffes, Lions, and Tigers.

My least favorites are any sort of non-human primates.
Then again, toss the human primates in there too.

You guys ask me how I do my job?  It's because I'm not a big fan of people.  See p. pet peeves and z. zoo animals.  I could never work with animals because I love them too much so I have to stick to something I can be objective about.