I had to do one of those dumb exercises in a workshop the other day where we had to share what we would ask Jesus if we had a chance to meet him.

Well, I ask Jesus all sorts of questions all the time, so this was hard for me to come up with.  I wanted to say "I'd like to ask Jesus how he feels about being part of this stupid exercise, and why someone paid with tax dollars thinks it's okay to ask a room full of strangers- some of whom are wearing kufis and burqas- questions about Jesus".

But I didn't.

And I wouldn't ask him how he dealt with farts and hard-ons and acne and stuff when he was a teenager.  I already asked him that.  And I wouldn't ask him if there are aliens because I learned the hard way that he's a ultra touchy about that kind of stuff because he sort of was an alien for awhile.  Landing on Earth from the Heavens and all.  Did you know Jesus gets mad when people don't believe in aliens?  And when Jesus gets wrathy?  Watch it.  He's all like, "Bitch!  Don't you know I is one?  I came down from outer space and shit.  There's a little book about it, called the Bible.  Maybe you've heard of it.  Sucka.".  And I didn't ask him about peace or sandals or whether manna was made from grains or algae and whether forty years then is the same amount of time as forty years now. 

All valid questions, by the way.

I want to know how he feels about being responsible for so many deaths.  People have killed mad amounts of other people in Jesus' name over the years.  And I just want to know what he thinks about it.  I mean, does he feel bad about it from time to time?  Does he pace around and rub his beard and think "Dad dammit.  What is up with these people? Stupid inaccurate translations of ancient texts gots people in a tizzy".
Does he really believe that people have to follow him in order to get to Heaven?  And if so, when someone dies because he or she doesn't accept him into their hearts, is he all like "too bad fool, now you're going to hell" and releases the trap door at the Pearly Gates?  Because that is WAY assholish.
Or is he all like "my bad.  I'm really sorry about that guy who took your head off in my name.  Just for that I'll give you a free pass into heaven.  If you'll just take this harp and these wings and this toga, Roger here will get you settled on your cloud".  And then Roger would come over and take the person who died in a crusade or something over to his spot.  Or is he just like "meh" and shrugs his shoulder about the whole thing.  Is Jesus a "that's the way the cookie crumbles!" type guy?

That's what I would ask Jesus if he and I went to lunch together.  BTW, my question was a little bit different than everyone else's question.  Sometimes it amazes me what people haven't already asked Jesus.  Seriously, it's like people pray about the most boring crap ever.

I'm guessing Jesus would be like "Lora, my child.  I know that my name is responsible for the untimely passing of many souls.  But like Genghis Khan, or Kim Jong-il, Hitler, or good MEian (Jesus doesn't feel comfortable saying CHRISTian, so he says Me-ian) people like George W., it was not I that took those lives.  It was the hands of others doing work that is dirty.  I have no guilt nor reason for blame laying.  Now, please go about your business here and stop bothering me with such ponderances.  I have a meeting to go to, and there will be nectar and unleavened breads served.  I'm effing starving.  Peace be with you."

And I'd be all like "and also with you!".  Then I'd have to get back to work to write a case note about it since it was done on work time and figure out a way to enter Jesus into the database.  It's tricky when someone doesn't have a social security number and the system won't let me enter 0000 as a valid year of birth.