There was a thing floating around blogs a few months ago where you were supposed to list everything that you didn't like but felt like you were supposed to. I didn't do it because I'm always so negative and I didn't want to dwell on stuff I dislike. I hate chocolate, and red wine, hillbilly "rock" music like Nickleback and Lady Antebellum. Who isn't a lady so much as it is a group of one girl who reminds me of a tubby Tori Spelling and two dudes who look like I would hate them if I knew them in real life because I don't like their haircuts or their clothing choices and I really hate all the gratuitious wedding band shots in their video about getting drunk and horny. I guess it's okay to get shitfaced and slimecrotched if you are married and white. But when single black guys start rapping about drinking and doing it everyone goes up in arms.
The music is not good. Despite what America is voting for on VH1. I lump people who like those two bands and all music that sounds like those two bands into the same group as cigarette smokers. There has to be a reason why people like it/do it, but I can't identify with those reasons and it is polluting my atmosphere and scrambling my aura and it's unpleasant to eat near it.
I don't like dandruff. It's tiny pieces of people's heads that fall off and stick to their shirts. The last thing I want to look at when I'm talking to someone is small chunks of their head all over the place.
I don't like pants that make girls look like they have ill-placed penises. When the fly sticks straight up when they sit down, you know?
I don't like cell phone ringers.
I don't like unfitted t-shirts. On men or women. If you don't think you can pull off a fitted t-shirt, chose another form of top. Unfitted t-shirts make everyone look 20 pounds heavier and eight times sloppier than they really are.
I don't like socks that aren't perfectly matched. Even if I buy bags of identical white socks, I still match them according to dinginess. I've been known to Sharpie marker each pair with a number so the same socks get worn together and paired together for life. Socks:Swans. This was a subject of controversy on The Marriage Ref recently. I don't normally watch the show, but I did catch this segment and the wife's lack of respect for the importance of properly mated socks disgusted me and made me think less of her as a wife, a woman, and a human being.
I am mad at my favorite personal care company, Aveda. They continue to sell products that have been discontinued, they aren't taking steps to reduce packaging, and there are parabens in the face cream I use. I'm anti-paraben, which is why I shop there. They've discontinued the cream because so many people complained, but still sell it on their shelf. I went to Lush the other day, despite the revolting smell that oozes out from the store. It smells worse outside than in. What the heck! Remember when they used to say that KFC and Dunkin Donuts pumped a smell out of their vents to lure people in? It's sort of like that. It smells all producty outside but inside it smells like bleach and grease. Well, Lush doesn't smell like bleach and grease, but it doesn't smell like a dirty hippie inside.
I don't like patchouli. My brother used to have a HeMan guy named Skunkor and it was scented with patchouli. Enough said.
I bought a shampoo bar from Lush, and the girl who sold it to me swore up and down that there were no sodium lauryl sulfates or parabens in it. So, I bought it and then I went online to see if there were directions (I wasn't sure whether to rub the bar on my head or make lather in my hands and rub the lather on my head) and sure enough, guess what is listed in the ingredients?
Do I think that these things are going to kill me and my family? No. But we are a tender headed and eco friendly people, and they are irritants to both our skin and the planet. So, I try to avoid buying them. It's hard to do.
But the good thing is that the shampoo bar doesn't have packaging, so even if I'm poisoning the ground water and the outermost layers of our scalps, at least I'm not buying plastic.
I do like that the local hockey team is winning, even though I don't really like them in real life.
I do like that the Phillies are doing well.
I do like that even though yesterday was torturous weather, the 10 day outlook is sunny and warm.
I do like that I am almost totally over my stage fright, which is good because I have a show in 11 days. I did some improv stuff in front of some famous people (name dropping: Scott Adsit from 30 Rock and Christina Gausas from the late and great Conan O'Brien Show) the other day and even made one of them cry (her, not him). Not all improv is funny, and I've been trying to do some serious stuff lately to challenge myself. I mean, I know I'm funny. That's why I felt comfortable starting this whole thing. Doing not funny stuff is harder for me, but much more therapeutic. Because that's healthy, right? Working out all my issues on stage and letting Pete Hornberger think that it's acting and not me talking publicly about what keeps me up all night...
I do like vegetables.
I do like some fruit, as long as it's ripe and not too sweet.
I like my toenails. They are adorable. Even when they aren't painted.
I like having a suntan.
I like having two or three fingers of scotch when everyone else is drinking wine.
I like wearing dresses.
I like my hair, even though it's unruly and weird in some spots.
I like my job.
I like my house.
I like all the beings that live there, even that thousandlegger I found in the shower the other day.
I like the thousandlegger better now that he's dead.
I like rotary phones, and how I can't remember numbers that I have memorized when I'm using it. My fingers know more numbers than my head does.
I like my record player, and all my records, despite the fact that only T.Rex is getting playtime these days.
I'm a jeepster for T.Rex.
I like contemplating what tattoo I may or may not get next.
I like Pilot Precise V5 Extra Fine Pens.
I like pink Himalayan salt.
I like playing with blocks.
I like exfoliating.
I like washing dishes and clothes but I hate putting them away.
I like taking cell phone pictures of my surroundings and posting them on the internet.
I like finding an extra fifteen minutes today to make lists like the crap slapped down above.
I like blog awards even though I learned that people stop reading as soon as they see an award at the top of the page, so here they are at the bottom:
Jon at Me Vs. College. The zombie award goes to bloggers who "teach and enlighten their readers". I've never thought of myself as a teacher, and certainly not as an enlightener, but I'll take the compliment!
Sammy gave me the versatile award and likened me with a camel pregnant with quadruplets. Um, thank you. And that's actually the nicest thing someone said to me, seeing that you equate versatility with lumps. Speaking of lumps, have you guys been watching Adventure Time on Cartoon Network. Holy wonderfulness. It's the best show on television.
Lucy passed out the colorful heart award and the rules are to list ten things that you love. I think there are ten up there, but I'm not sure. Lucy's blog is fun because it's a giant mix of things she hates and things she loves, plus she was on The Tyra Banks Show and did a bloggy tell all about her time there.