A friend (who I've never met in real life and doesn't blog but reads mine and we are on each other's Facebookses) emailed me the other day and asked if I am as gregarious in real life as I am in my pictures.

Gregarious is a funny word.  A good word.  A strong word.  One of my favorites. 
It sounds like the proper name of someone who wears bedsheets and ivy hairbands out in public. 

I hear it used wrong all the time.  As if it means boisterous, or hauty, or vain, or obnoxious.
But it doesn't.

Websters defines gregarious as:

a : tending to associate with others of one's kind : social

b : marked by or indicating a liking for companionship : sociable

c : of or relating to a social group

And I answered something like:

yes.  (Until I'm not.  I sucumb to hermitism sometimes but under normal circumstances I am quite gregarious.)  I believe it is so important to find and build and develop and nurture a community around oneself.  A support system, a chosen family, a safe and welcoming and reliable assemblage. 

I have a friend who claims that I collect people.  This is true.

That I collect people for the sole purpose of putting them all in one room together just to see what happens.

Guilty.  Interesting things happen.  Everyone comes away learning something about themselves, about others, about group dynamics and shared consciousness and differing opinions and things we have in common and things we certainly don't.  It's amazing.  No matter how outgoing or experienced or aged we are we come away from a gathering or a party or a class or a dinner or a meeting or a bus stop or a queue or whatever changed.  Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot.  It's an amazing thing to have happen, to observe, to enjoy, to orchestrate.

I'm gregarious because I have this burning need to feel connected, to feel like I belong, to feel normal, accepted, to not feel lonely.  To make others feel connected, to feel like they belong, to feel normal, accepted, to not feel lonely.

I answered something like:

I think that it's so important to feel close to others. Mentally, socially, spiritually, emotionally, physically.

We are so afraid to be ourselves and to share ourselves with others, to let others share themselves.  Afraid to let people in and to gain entrance to other people. Afraid of looking stupid or weak or vain or proud.  Afraid to touch one another- to give a hug, a stroke, a good long hand holding.  Afraid of being/feeling rejected.  Being rejected is awful, especially if you don't have people to fall back on, people who make you feel like you are good and true and whole and worthy and wonderful.  We all need people to fall back on, to make us feel good and true and whole and worthy and wonderful.

It's important these days, you know?

The world is scary. Much too scary to have a go at it alone.