I have never, in all my life, eaten the way I did this holiday season.  It just didn't stop.  The dinners, the lunches, the brunches, the parties, the mass amounts of homebaked goodies that people put on my desk at work and brought to my house out of the goodness of their heart.  People that know me preface the gift with something like, "I know you don't eat this sort of thing but I made it and would love if you tried it and if you don't eat it, you can put it in Jake's lunch".  So I tried it and I liked it and not much made it into Jake's lunch.

It's been awful.

It's been wonderful.

Now I see how people fall down that slippery slope.  Treats every day, drinking things that aren't water or coffee, rich and fatty foods at every meal.  It all sort of just snowballs on itself. 

Like an addiction.  One little bite won't hurt.  One cookie, two cookies, eight.
No one will know if I eat this at my desk. 
Or in the dark.

My body is seriously breaking down.

This is not a fat post. 
Because we all get a little rounder this time of year.
Big deal.

This is a post about how it's hard for me to climb a flight of stairs all of a sudden.
A post about how it's hard for me to get through an hour without sugar.
How I get angry.  Get the shakes.  Get desperate.  Get angrier.  Get a fix.  Get better.  Get worse.  Get angry.  Get the shakes.  Get desperate.  Get angrier.  Get a fix.  Get better.  Get worse.  Get angry.
It's a vicious and disgusting cycle.

If I don't stop now, I'm going to hit some sort of point of no return.  Point of difficult return.
Point of needing to go clothes shopping, and I don't want to do that, because then all of this is real, and heading downhill quick.

So, I'm cutting out the c-word.  C-words.
Lately all of my favorite things start with c

cookies
candies
custards
confections
cocoas
cheese
cakes
croutons
cordials
caramels
condiments
chips
creams
crackers
cupcakes
cobblers
crepes
chocolates
colas
coldcuts

I'm eating things I don't even like, just to feed the beast.

Things I haven't eaten in years, just because they are there.

And yesterday it stopped.
No it didn't.
I tried.
Today it stops.
I hope.
I'm trying.
Tomorrow will be better.
I think.
I'll try.