resolved

The head physician, who is also Jacob's regular doctor, called me yesterday and thanked me one thousand times for calling and told me they are going to be much more strict regarding adherence to procedure and going to re-instill best practices in everyone's brain.

I can't imagine that checking children's genitals is ever comfortable for anyone, but it needs to be done.  Kids get STD's and infections and abnormalities and other nasties down there, and sometimes the only way to be sure that your kid doesn't have a case of ick is to have the doctor check it out.

Children need shots, but they don't need to be told they are getting shots fifteen minutes before they get shots.  That makes sense to anyone.  Or should.

The developmental stuff supposedly was supposed to happen, but it didn't.  For one reason or another.

So that's over.

I debated whether to tell Jake I spoke to the doc, I was afraid of:
1) bringing it up and reminding him of it, and having to go through the emotions again.
2) making a bigger deal out of it than I should with a 5 year old.  Parents' reactions to events can be more likely to traumatize a child than actual events.  It's something to be aware of when helping your kid through stuff.
3) beating a dead horse.  We've been over it, Jake seems over it.

In the end I chose to tell him.  I told him that I talked to the doctor and no one will ever get their pants pulled down without being asked first and no one will ever be left in a room waiting for a long time waiting to get shots.
He said, "thanks for doing that for me, Mom.  For me and all the other kids who go there.  I don't ever want to feel like that again, and I don't want any other kids to feel that way.  Especially babies who might not be able to handle it very well".

And, that's my Jacob.
Jacob, who with every passing day is becoming less mine and more his own.