sheath

I've found my self shocked! and appalled!  at the number of women my age who wear panty hose these days.  I thought that we, as a society, were past that.

Panty hose with shorts and panty hose with open toed shoes.  Barf.  It's like wearing condoms on your legs.  All day.  Webbed up toes and compression in weird places.  Seam running up your belly like a worm.  Leaves a mark like you are too fat for your pants.
I know I need to cut back on the snacking if I can tell where my pants have been after I take them off.

I can't handle it.

Panty hose sounds like an insult.
"Sheila?
Man... shit. I hear she's one of them panty hoes.
You best steer clear of that one.
Get you in trouble, them panty hoes."

I'm weirded out by socks in general.  Socks that are visible when wearing shorts are creepy.  German tourist creepy. The tiniest peek out the top of the shoe and it's totally over for me.
Ankle socks under long pants with visible ankle skin makes me wish we had decency laws about something like that.
I can't stop staring and wondering how that feels okay.
The odd gap in cotton.
And toe seams?
And sock heels that don't cup your heel just right?
OMG stop.

I buy these amazing shoes for Jake each summer.  They aren't open toe, they  have a great sole, they are rugged, they don't have laces he can trip on, they are machine washable and can handle once weekly washings all summer long and still be good enough to pass down to someone else for another summer of wear.  He calls his pair his "strap shoes" and calls the ones I have my "camping shoes".

His school calls them inappropriate.
He has to wear "real sneakers" or put socks under his strap shoes.
Did you just puke a little?
Me too.

He doesn't have "real sneakers" (never mind that the girls can wear little Mary Janes or flats) and he isn't about to get any.  Strap shoes are fifty bucks and that about does it for the shoe allowance.
He didn't have anything other than white crew socks left over from winter.

So there went my child yesterday.  To school.  Wearing white socks and sandals.

I tried to fold them down and make them invisible, but white under red and black strap shoes are anything but invisible.

I tried.

And when I picked him up from school, he had them pulled up practically around his neck.  He knew he could take them off when he saw me, so they were off right away.  And I threw them out.

I bought two 3paks of little black Peds socks at Payless yesterday afternoon.  That helps.  A bit. Plus they were on BOGO.  Score.

I didn't tell him I have this problem.  I don't want to pass the crazy on down or anything.  But he's 5.  And 5 knows there is something wrong with socks and strap shoes.

I never wore socks as a kid.  My 6th grade English teacher, Mrs. Brown, told me I'd get arthritis if I kept it up.  My ankles are one of the only places where I don't get arthritis pain.  So I'm guessing not wearing socks actually behooves an individual.

My grandfather used to tell me I'd get piles if I sat on cold concrete, so I should stay off the step unless I had a blanket under me.
Piles of what?
Hemorrhoids. 

We learned in seventh grade sex ed that the birthing process gives you hemorrhoids.  In the car that night I asked my mom if I had hemorrhoids when I was born.
I was confused.
She thought maybe there was something wrong with my butt.
There wasn't.