Did you know that most children who are severely abused or die at the hands of their parents are abused or killed over potty training issues? Potty training is rough stuff. Add caring for other children (potty training coincides with new babies in a lot of families. Fun times in parenting for sure) and housework and relationships and the job and and and and you have a lot on your plate. If you don't have support or stability in your life, things can go south real quick.
***
There's a case going on in Philadelphia right now that blows the Orlando one out of the water. You probably haven't heard about it. The child was 14 and had Cerebral Palsy and weighed all of 40 pounds and was stuck to her bed and had maggots in her bedsores and was living in filth and had social workers who never went to see her and a father who abandoned her and after the dust settled nine people were charged related to her murder. Nine. NINE.
The little girl was much less than adorable, save for a picture taken of her on one of her birthdays where she looked happy and gorgeous and full of life. That's the one you'll see in the paper. Normally she was bobble-headed and her body curled up in strange ways. Her mouth didn't shut and her hair wasn't combed. No one wants to see that. It makes us uncomfortable. So they don't put it on television because we would turn away. Turn the channel. And there aren't nationwide prayer vigils for the little girl who lived and died in horrifying ways. No one is tuned into the courtroom proceedings. It isn't even front page news here.
***
There is this thing Ghandi (I think it was Ghandi) said about if you have to eat meat, you should eat beef. Because one cow can feed many people and people can use just about every single part of a cow after it is killed. You certainly shouldn't eat shrimp because it takes a dozen or more to fill the belly of one man.
I'm not sure how that ties in.
***
I feel for the little girl who died in Orlando. I also feel for her mother. That's an unpopular stance to take. Compassion. Care. Understanding.
Normal people who are mentally well do not allow their children to die or go missing without reaching for help. Normal people who are mentally well do not fabricate people's lives. People who are damaged, traumatized, fearful, unbalanced, desperate, and alone do. Ruined people. Broken people.
Instead of asking what is wrong with the mother, we should ask "what happened to her that made her the way she is?". Something happened to her to make her the way she is.
Awful things happen to an awful lot of people to make them the way they are. We should all learn, and do our bests to be sure it doesn't happen to us. To our children. To the children in our family. The children who play with our children. The children in our communities. All children.
***
I didn't watch the trial. I didn't need to. The case has no bearing on my life. But cases like it do.
Cases that touch me personally. Children that touch me personally. Children that are scared of their parents and cling to me, a stranger, for dear life so that they may have just a few seconds of human touch that isn't hurtful, vengeful, hateful. Children that hold on to me tight and whisper in my ear that they hate their mommies and wish Jesus would come and take them away. Children that pray to a God for death every night. Pray to a God that never seems to listen. Never seems to save them.
Pray for those children.
Leave your porch light on for those children.
And for their children. Because chances are, they will grow up to be just like their parents. Sick. Angry. Abusive.
Apples don't fall far, no matter how beautiful the blossom, how sweet the fresh fruit.
***
Please let go of your anger towards a woman you don't know. Her life will be a punishment unto itself. Use that passion you may feel to love and protect yourself and your family.
28 degrees {comments}:
Yes, ma'am. Right on the money. Finally - a voice of reason and compassion amidst all the mob reactions the seem to fill the airways and the Internet.
I do believe that someone said, a long time ago, something about "He who is without sin ...".
Put the stones down, people.
Word. Words. Many words.
"Please let go of your anger towards a woman you don't know. Her life will be a punishment unto itself. Use that passion you may feel to love and protect yourself and your family."
As always, you write so well about things that are so hard.
Some really rough stuff out there, isn't there? It's heartbreaking. I've seen a lot of it too. I remember learning the statistics putting together the relationships between job loss, financial stress, alcohol abuse and spousal/child abuse being pretty tightly linked together. More kids get their asses beat when the economy takes a dive. I don't know how to fix that, but I hope to god the numbers start to change soon.
Love.
This right here:
"Instead of asking what is wrong with the mother, we should ask "what happened to her that made her the way she is?". Something happened to her to make her the way she is."
This is how I've always thought. I'm so glad to see someone else thinks that way about people that do awful things too.
Thanks Lora.
Yes! Asking questions is the right answer..."what happened along the way"??? Good to remember this and to pray for the children...every single one of them!!
Thank you Hun!!
Hugs
SueAnn
You always have a way of making me see things clearer...you're so right. It's a sad world and things didn't get this way over night and where is the root and the why's!
You put into words exactly how I have been feeling about this case. Based on the media reaction and the reactions I've seen on Facebook I thought I was the only one who wondered what happened in Casey Anthony's life to make her the kind of person she is.
As for the porch light on for Caylee campaign that has been widely popular on Facebook, I was also feeling rather ambiguous about that because I feel like in a week all those people who turned on their lights will forget about what those lights really stand for when this whole media zoo blows over. Caylee is just one of many, many children who are abused. I hope people get that. Let's do more than turn our lights on for these children. Like you said let it start in each of our hearts, homes, and families to put an end these tragedies.
You put into words exactly how I have been feeling about this case. Based on the media reaction and the reactions I've seen on Facebook I thought I was the only one who wondered what happened in Casey Anthony's life to make her the kind of person she is.
As for the porch light on for Caylee campaign that has been widely popular on Facebook, I was also feeling rather bitter about that because I feel like in a week all those people who turned on their lights will forget about what those lights really stand for when this whole media zoo blows over. Caylee is just one of many, many children who are abused. I hope people get that. Let's do more than turn our lights on for these children. Like you said let it start in each of our hearts, homes, and families to put an end these tragedies.
You put into words exactly how I have been feeling about this case. Based on the media reaction and the reactions I've seen on Facebook I thought I was the only one who wondered what happened in Casey Anthony's life to make her the kind of person she is.
As for the porch light on for Caylee campaign that has been widely popular on Facebook, I was also feeling rather ambiguous about that because I feel like in a week all those people who turned on their lights will forget about what those lights really stand for when this whole media zoo blows over. Caylee is just one of many, many children who are abused. I hope people get that. Let's do more than turn our lights on for these children. Like you said let it start in each of our hearts, homes, and families to put an end these tragedies.
I'm not quite sure why my comment showed three times. So sorry about that.
That is, without a doubt, the best observation on this tragic case that I've read. Not surprised-- you do it all the time. Thank you for doing it again. And thank you for the work that you do. xooxoxo,
L.
I do pray, all the time. I was them.
So, the part about the potty training really hits home. Remember my 9 year old? Still not potty-trained. And it has the ability to push. me. over. the. edge. every. day.
Why, oh why did I try to see if taking him off pull-ups this summer would work?
What an eloquently written post. Children who have been missing for years unnoticed and just-discovered dead kid bodies are a huge issue in Colorado. It's baffling how a community cannot notice they're gone.
Sad.
Lora, this is such a beautifully written blog. You've put some really difficult issues into words here and you've certainly made me think.
Your words hurt my heart.
We go to court tomorrow.
I hold two of those babies close to me right now.
My arms are tired and my heart is heavy.
And my eyes are open.
Sadly, I did watch the trial. Sadly, I did buy into all the media sensationalism. Sadly, I was a complete dip****. I'll never make the mistake again, that's for sure. I wrote something about this on my blog as well. The trial was doomed from the start, but the media is to blame for how it turned out, also. This happens everyday, yet we don't hear about the majority of it. Truly a sad day when it's all about the media spectacle.
Beautiful but so ugly at the same time.
Thank you for making abused kids' lives part of your life. I bet you are amazing with them.
I could never do what you do. You are amazing woman!
Well said, Lora. Well, although sadly, said. {hugs}
Danieal's case makes me horrendously sad and crazy and violently mad. I looked at the grand jury report (all 200+ pages of it) and saw a coroner's photo. Her back, from her neck to her bottom, looked as though it had been burned. It was one giant bedsore; the worst imaginable.
Once upon a time, she was gorgeous. And cared for. And I'm not sure what the hell happened following a breakup that could cause a father to leave his kid with a woman who obviously wasn't capable nor interested in caring for her.
And it's why I blogged about it. How many people will ever see that child's face? Save for some local folks? How many people will ever know how she died, completely neglected, left to starve, no love shown to her.
Thanks, Lora.
And now I'm crying at work. Great post, as always. Simply beautiful, and different than all the rest.
Best post I've read about the case. Thank you Lora. You're wonderful. Sidenote, I don't like beef, love shrimp. Cows aren't as prominent here on the coast and seafood is abundant, so... ;) hugs! Xoxo
I honestly don't know how you do what you do. Thank you for your strength.
I didn't follow the trial either. I can't watch the spectacle aftermath of a child's death. It's happened. It's beyond awful.
I recall years ago, the woman who drowned her children in the water. And another who drowned them in a tub. What makes people snap?
It makes me hug my own children a little tighter.
"Something happened to her to make her the way she is." -- Exactly.
Beautiful post!
That last paragraph really nailed it.
My Dad used to tell me (when I did something wrong as a teenager), that my guilt is punishment enough. Him saying that was worse than hearing "You're Grounded!". His love and understanding that I am Human, was enough to make me want to do better next time.
You do have a way with words...
J~
Thank you for saying all of this. It is so true. People jump on the hate/anger bandwagon so quickly. It won't bring CA back.
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