Logging out.

My birthday present to myself this year is to get off Facebook.  I've been there for a bit over a year, which is long enough to know it gets in the way of me writing, blogging, reading, cleaning, working, playing, and actually sitting down with the people I love and having real life conversations about things that don't involve what we are having for lunch and how annoying traffic, grocery shopping, weather, working, neighbors, housework, whining, and getting older is.

Negativity and ennui tend to go viral on the Facebook.  And false cheer.  And pictures of teenaged cousins and nieces in tiny bathing suits and too much makeup.

So, if I'm not there it's not because I hate you or you said something wrong or anything else. 

It's a process, this getting off of the Facebook.  I'm collecting telephone numbers and emails and addresses.  Checking out photos one last time.  Seeing what people are doing this fall.  Seeing what the kids are up to.  Re-adding blog feeds to my Google Reader.  Sending out disclaimers of why I'm pushing "unfriend".  "Unfriend" sounds so unfriendly.  I wish there was another term used. 

"Refriend", maybe.  Like an "I want to be your friend again because I feel like we are keeping up with one another but really all we are doing is looking at three sentence status updates twice daily and I really don't know what is going on in your life" button.

The Facebook has put me back in touch with people I haven't seen in awhile.  In decades.  Some for the good, some for the bad.  The good ones I'll stay in touch with.  The bad ones will float back into the ether. 

It has put me in touch with family that I have never known as adults.  I mean, me being an adult and they being an adult.  It's different than being kids.  Or adult and kid.  I'll miss that connection, but hope to keep it up in real life.  And if not, well.  Okay.

It has informed me of things that make me very very sad that I would not have known about otherwise.  Things that could have passed by without my knowledge.  Without my emotions.  Without making a difference in my life.  Dead friends, sick extended family members, deformed babies, dying babies, dead babies, benefits for deformed/dying/dead babies that I don't know and will never find it in the budget to send dollars to. 
Things that happen on the fringe of my existence, far enough away that no one would stop to think "I better call Lora on this one".  And I would have been happier that way.
I'm trying to think of happy things I learned on Facebook that I wouldn't have learned of otherwise.  I can't think of one.  Of course there have been babies born and degrees earned and parties announced.  But I'd like to think that I'd have gotten birth announcements and word and invitations via mail or phone or conversation.

It has taught me things about friends and family that I didn't want to know.  Things that friends and families shouldn't really be saying to one another.  Things that friends should only tell their families and things that families should only tell their friends.
There are quite a few people who I will never look at the same again.
That sucks.

I will keep my account open.  I have admin rights on quite a few sites.  I do things in places that require a Facebook log in to do.  I may keep a close circle of friends on my page.  No friends of friends or obligatory family or spouses of friends or second cousins or any of the such.  I may drop or add from time to time.  Not because of love lost or love gained (well, maybe love gained) but because sometimes it's easier to stay in touch with a group over there.

I have a photo blog for Jacob, for those who are close enough to want to see his photos all the time.  Aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, and friends close enough to be considered those things may ask for the site.  Those who are not will be politely declined.

I have a You Tube account, for those who are close enough to want to see silly family videos.  All those interested may have access.  It is a public account.

Improv videos I can post here, and anyone may follow along on the fansite for the team.

And there's blogs.  And Skype.  And Google+.  And email.  And text messaging.  And I hear that with all these new technologies coming out, there's an app that lets you use your phone to speak to another person.  With voices that you hear in real time.  You just punch in a code with the buttons you usually use for texting and a tone sounds and the other person pushes the "send" button and says hello and you can talk for as long as you'd like.  And lunches, shared in the same place at the same time.  Dinner guests!  Saturday outings!  Happy hours!  Many many happy hours spent with people you care about today.
Amazing.
Absolutely amazing what we have these days but rarely use.