Philadelphia has chain restaurants now. Ten years ago there were none, we are a big restaurant town but everything was privately owned. Something in our zoning made it impossible for chains to move in, but it seems that ordinance has been lifted because we have Buca and Five Guys and a Capital Grille and Ruby Tuesday's and Applebee's and Chili's and Fado and a Friday's and a Slainte. That's a lot.
When I was in Houston there was a Slainte, and the locals pronounced it "sl ain't".
Right there in the alley across from Buca and beside Pistola's someone let their dog poop without cleaning it up. And there was a pigeon standing over top of it doing that weird pigeon head bob thing and it looked like the pigeon was pooping out a giant poop and it made me laugh uncontrollably all the way to the el stop underneath the clothespin.
And when people see someone who doesn't look bitshat crazy laughing on an autumnal day when the air tastes like honeycrisp apples and the sun shines through the buildings like angel trails, they get happy and sometimes they laugh too. And then other people laugh when they laugh and pretty soon lots of people are laughing. That's exactly what happened along the half mile stretch between my office and my el stop and it was magical.
All because of a pigeon that looked like he dropped a giant load.
***
In other super funny news, Jake's eardrum ruptured last Tuesday in the middle of the night. It was so loud I heard it happen. Like Pop Rocks.
"Mommy, I think I need a rag because my ear just puked"
That's not the funny part. The funny part was when we were at the doctor's office Wednesday morning and the doc asked Jacob why he was there today and Jake said "It's because I have the drip". The doctor looked at me with her mouth wide open and I said that the drip was coming from his ear.
Have you ever taken a child with a bloody and pus-ridden ear downtown on the bus?
Well, it's uncomfortable but nine times out of ten he won't be the only person who has blood or pus draining from a hole in his head. Whether it's a hole one is born with or one that was put there in recent days.
He's doing better now but had to be switched from the pink Amoxicillin to the nasty white Augmentin because the pink stuff wasn't working. Now it's an exercise in getting the meds down with minimal vomiting twice per day.
Rough stuff.
***
The second tooth came out a couple weeks ago. I offered to buy it for five bucks.
"Yep. Sold. And we don't have to talk about what happened last time."
***
Soccer is almost over, thank all that is good. Three more games and then the parents vs. kids where the players get the trophies and we're done.
I'm about up to my neck with the Soccer Momming. And the other Soccer Moms.
Jacob will be playing in a different league next year instead of the South Philly Yo Bo league he's in now.
And that's all I have to say about that.
***
My dad took Jake to church on Sunday. Unless someone else has taken him in the past, it was his first time there.
"Mom, have you ever been to church? It's like the most boring place in the world. And people say a LOT of bad words."
"I've been there, and it is super boring. What kind of bad words did people say? You can tell me and you won't get in trouble"
"Hell. And damn. And Jesus. And Jesus Christ. Isn't it funny that Jesus' mom gave him a swear for a name? Like, if you know your last name is Christ, why would you name your kid Jesus? Why not something normal like John or something? John Christ is not a curse word. It just makes no sense."
"It's weird but we'll talk about that another time. When I go to church and I'm super bored I count all the bad words I hear. Also, the scary words like ghost and blood and evil and death and demon. One point for each bad or scary word. Five bonus points if there is a topless Jesus somewhere in the building and there are nipples drawn on his chest. I try to get to 25 points."
"I'm glad you're my mom. You give me lots of good ideas. I'm not bored when we're together. I love that about you."
And... scene
7 degrees {comments}:
I laughed out loud. Okay, I 'snickered' because laughing out loud would scare my co-worker. But WOW. I really hope I can be as cool of a mom as you are. No joke.
I'm still laughing at "My ear puked" and "I have the drip." Poor kid. We've had a couple ruptured ear drums here between the boys. They are no fun.
Really, the whole post had me laughing and snickering. Aaron wants to know what's so funny.
loved the 'pigeon drops a massive deuce' tale - made me laugh out loud (i don't actually "LOL"). happened while i'm in a workshop, bootlegging internet, and playing around when i should be paying attention. oops.
as for passing the time in church? we'd read the names of songs in the hymnal, and add the phrase "...between the sheets" to each title to see who could come up with the worst one. he might be a touch young for that game...
I giggled through this post. I do hope your little one is feeling better soon.
In my little town in Arizona we have no chains and sometimes I miss them.
Church? Gosh, I forget what I did when I was small, too long ago but when I hit middle school and high school, well, I was horrible I checked out what everyone was wearing and how they did their hair and makeup, I guess the girlie girl in me LOL.
My son's first trip to church, he said as we sat in the pew, "so when's the show starting?"
Obviously, we had been to see live performances before!
I kinda wanna go to church with you now.
And Get well soon Jake!
You guys are BOTH hilarious. Seriously. And props to Jake for not totally freaking out over his eardrum. That would have killed me....
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