Two or three weeks. That's when the kittens will come home. First they have to be spayed and inoculated and all the other vet stuff and then I can finally get my hands on them.
I'm having a hard time because I think I'm going to be a cool mom and let them sleep in Jake's bed, but I really want them in mine. Maybe they will be like Bailey was, and bed hop throughout the night. She would take us in shifts.
Feeding the cats will be Jake's job, so I'm guessing that will help them love him more.
I want them to love me more.
I need a way to get over this.
Jacob: Mom, do butterflies make milk?
Me: No, only mammals. A mom makes a milk if the baby grows inside of her, but not if she lays eggs. (I think that's right, right?)
J: I have another question? Do babies get milk from their moms like we get it from a cow? Like do they squeeze it like this (does udder milking technique) into their bottle or something? Because I think that would be really uncomfortable for the mom to bend over like that so the baby could reach.
M: That would be really funny to watch, but babies can just suck the milk right out of their moms boobs. That's why women have bigger and darker nipples than men, so their babies can find the milk holes.
J: Mom, mom... Mom. OH MY GOD MOM. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU MEAN I'VE HAD YOUR BOOBS IN MY MOUTH?!? (sticks out tongue and wipes it on sleeve and gags). Oh my gosh. I can practically taste it. This is so wrong. Now I'm thinking about putting your boob in my mouth. Now I'm thinking about how your boobs taste. This is not good for my brain. Oh my gosh. OMG. I can't even talk about this right now. I don't even know what to think. How could that ever be okay? Please tell me I don't ever have to do that again. I can't even... My brain... My mouth... Your boobs... Mom! Seriously? Why couldn't you just squeeze it into a bottle?
And then we talked about how healthy it is for moms and babies and how it's better for babies to get it right out of the breast because of skin-to-skin contact and brain development and how by the time that kids are old enough to think that is gross moms usually stop breastfeeding and he said that he has seen moms nursing their kids before but he never thought that the baby was actually sucking on the mom's boob but he wasn't sure what they were doing and didn't want to stare and then it was over and we were on to something equally important like is Bowser Jr. in Mario Party 9 or how surprising it was that Lloyd Garmadon is the Green Ninja or something.
It's funny what you know or what you see and how different it can be from the way your brain processes that information.
It reminds me of how I learned about the mechanics of sex. From a kid I was babysitting.
My parents were always very open about sex and sexuality and emotions and hormones and orgasms and protection and feelings and clitori and testicli and puberty and periods and boobs and bras and stuff, and I had grade-appropriate sex ed in school so I felt really comfortable with everything that I knew, but it seems that no one had ever really mentioned the penetration part of it all.
Until I was a couple weeks shy of 14 years old and babysitting these kids and the little boy found an empty condom box on the street and said something about putting them on your penis before you stick it inside a vagina and I was all "why would anyone stick anything inside a vagina?" and then the clouds cleared and birds fell silent and the wind stood still and the ground started shaking or maybe it was just a rumbling in my guts and it all sort of made sense. Inside, of course. Not just near. Not just, like, a tickle dance or a private rub party. Of course.
Anyway. Kittens! In two or three weeks!