I ate a perfect banana today. Just a little giraffey, soft without being mushy, opened from the bottom to eliminate the strings, and in the privacy of my own cubicle a half hour before everyone else gets in.
There is nothing more uncomfortable than eating a banana in public.
Well, few things more uncomfortable.
Did you know that well-ripened bananas are full of good things that help you poop, while green ones are full of things that keep you from pooping? True story. I did an obscene amount of independent internet research on the fact because I couldn't figure out why some people won't eat bananas because they get stopped up and some people won't eat them because they get a case of the trots and bananas are part of the BRAT diet and why would you eat something that was unreliable to the guts?
Did you know the BRAT diet isn't recommended anymore? Bananas Rice Applesauce Toast. Did you know I've never heard of the BRAT diet until Jake was born? Did you know that I was lucky enough to never have to use it anyway?
Apparently the BRAT diet isn't recommended anymore because it lacks the nutritional fortitude that your body needs to repair itself when you are feeling crappy. Or not crappy. When crappy is taken in it's most literal sense.
I really didn't come here to talk about poop. I don't start my days thinking "I'm going to talk about poop five times today", but in a typical day I end up talking about poop five times. At least.
I came here to talk about food. But I forget what about it.
Food is just pre-poop anyway. I love arrogant chefs. Seriously? You make shit. You are at the start of the assembly line of poop-making. Everything you touch and everything you make turns to shit.
Maybe that I'm supposed to make an icebox cake tonight for a graduation party on Saturday. Two days in advance is best. It's pudding layered with graham crackers plus a layer of iced graham crackers on top. I like vanilla pudding and the Betty Crocker triple chocolate fudge chip frosting. Butterscotch pudding is good too, especially if you skip the frosting and sprinkle toffee bits over the top layer of pudding right before serving.
Maybe it's because there's this whole Chick-fil-a thing where they came out that they are against gay marriage.
Obviously. They are run by extreme right-wingers who are supposedly quite charitable with the dollars spent at the food chains. They talk about God on their packaging (so does In-n-Out Burger). They are closed on Sundays. I've always sort of guessed that they aren't very liberal at all. Like: at all, at all.
I don't agree with their stance but I admire the fact that they came out about it. So many places take your money and funnel it into things and you'd never even know where it went.
Walmart, Tyson Chicken, and Toms of Maine are run by ultra Christian Christians. So is Forever 21, which is funny because the clothes are so slutty. And Terminix kills God's creatures even though it was founded by super religious people. Whole Foods is run by Buddhists.
Religious people with extremist agendas can have business sense. Why this is such a shock to people is beyond me.
I don't think that Chick-fil-a is going to take a major hit, seeing that so many of its restaurants are in places notorious for Overweight Conservative Christians. The OCC.
But they put a pickle on every sandwich!
I SO want to make a joke relating those Chick-fil-a ads with the cows who don't know how to spell to Right Wing protesters who show up on the internet because they can't spell for shit but I don't want to be a jerk plus I really just don't care all that much. There are a lot of things I believe in that large sectors of the population don't think is right, and even though I'm a very good speller there are things I do that would probably go viral on the internet if I put them on film, so whatevs.
And I don't have the brain power to be coherent or funny. Thursdays are my favorite day of the week, but brain power must be reserved to get me through to Monday morning.
Am I the only person in the whole world who doesn't really love weekends? Not that I love waking up early and coming to work and rushing home to get dinner together and chores done and bedtime to work five days back to back to back to back to back, but two days off in a row always just seems like such a bleak expanse of nothingness. I much rather one weekend day and one week day off, like it used to be before I got a Big Girl Job. One day of rest and one day of getting things done while the world is open for business and most people are at work. I hate the mad rush to all the stores on the weekend. Fighting traffic and crowds and fatigue and the pressure to just! have! a! great! weekend! Hate it, hate it, hate it.
Ideally, in a world where I could live all by myself like a hermit in one room filled by hardbound books and white furniture and shiny things made of brightly colored glass; three stores up with floor to ceiling windows looking out onto a green-space park, I'd work 2pm-10pm.
Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, Sundays.
I'm not sure what I would do for a living. My two favorite jobs I've had so far were waiting tables and stocking medication on shelves.
Sounds like a job that might be available in Amsterdam.