Getting on stage in New York City is so much extremely very different than getting on stage in Philadelphia.
It's the whole Little Fish in a Big Pond thing I think. Rather than here in Smalltown USA where we are Actually Pretty Good Sized Fish in a Little Pond.
We (I) get nervous and our confidence drops. We get shifty and shruggy in the greenroom and hemmy and hawey after the show. It's a strange dynamic (I just typoed dymanic. Sometimes I'm dymanic) for us. But it's So Effing FUN. So that's why we do it.
The theater was gorgeous and awesome and so super cool. Way different than our theater here. Maybe someday we will have something gorgeous and awesome and so super cool- we're working on it. On the inside of the pillars to either side of the downstairs stage was painted "Follow the fear", a Del Close quote that is nice to see when you are up there under the lights. I failed miserably at the fear following. Maybe next time, I'm working on it.
Our show was good. We thought we had a prime spot, 8pm on Saturday. But there were other things going on in NYC at 8pm on Saturday night too. On the stage upstairs from us, the curly headed high pitched bubbly lady from Flight of the Chonchords and now the new Page on 30 Rock was performing. And across town, Christina Gausas was performing in her last show for something. So some of our friends (friends! in New York!) went to those shows instead. I understand. Plus we still packed the place so it's all well and fine. And I had people I love in the audience, that always makes me feel one thousand times better, and I saw some new New Yorkers that were previously Philadelphiers until recently in the lobby. Nothing is cooler than walking out of a show and seeing people you know when you are a couple hours away from home. It feels very homey. To see some homies.
It wasn't our funniest show. But we hit the form really well, so that matters. And there was Cher. I love it when Cher makes an appearance in our shows. We all do her, and we all do her very differently and I love every single different way we all do Cher.
Cher. Comedic Genius.
And I got to be a dinor waitress, which is my ultimate post-retirement career goal. But I won't be as gross as I like to pretend I am.
I spent the night in a hotel room all by myself for the first time. I was a little nervous at first, but I slept amazingly- after I checked the room eight times for bedbugs. I escaped New York with zero bites and (hopefully) no tagalongs. Victory!
You get to do all sorts of things in a hotel room that you can't do at home. Television in bed, hot baths in pitch blackness, quality uninterrupted underpants time, eight solid hours of sleeping. Bliss.
3.30.2012
3.28.2012
found
Of course my heart wants all of them (except that orange one. I don't really like orange cats, they tend to be mean. And boys. And I don't really like boy cats either, they tend to spray all over the house. Except your orange/boy cat. Your orange/boy cat is so much different than all the rest) but I'll only take two. I really hope that top tabby is a girl. I am already in love with its back and the racing stripe behind its ear.
My friend/teacher/Reiki Master Susannah has a son who works at an animal hospital in the next county over and he is fostering these kittens (who were found in a box at just a few weeks old and separated from their mother and hopefully the mother is healthy because I can't take a cat with leukemia or any other health problem because there has already been too much family loss and I don't have the wear with all to nurse a sick animal) until they are big enough to be immunized and fixed and adopted out. Which will be in a month or so. I don't know if I can wait that long.
I know I've crossed into a new realm of crazy because seeing these kittens squeezes my nethers the same way holding my baby niece does. Isn't that lovely?
3.23.2012
back
Day two back from Florida, and it's really hard to get into work mode when it's 80 degrees outside. It's also hard to stick to my rule of No Visible Feet on Weekdays until May (there is a clause that allows for Weekend Sandals after Easter). Luckily that rule doesn't apply on vacation, so the dogs got plenty of air last week.
The family vacation went really well.
We did the Sea World water park Saturday, where they have a not-lazy river. I could have stayed in that all day. Warm water and rapids that just push you along really fast. I like really fast. I do not like lazy rivers.
Epcot on Sunday, I was really excited for the space simulator because I heard it makes people throw up. If it makes people throw up, I usually like it.
Loops, corkscrews, spins, heights, I like them all.
They help me to feel. Something. Anything.
It was cool, but I didn't feel much of anything. Proving, once again, that I am hollow and/or numb and/or dead inside. I did feel a jarring of my teeth when the ride started. That's something. Or maybe I need a dentist.
My brother said that maybe I was built for space travel. Maybe he's right. Maybe I'll join a boyband and plan a space mission and find out the hard way.
I think I am just built for spinning. The trick is to stay still and don't wiggle your eyes around in your head.
It works in tunnels and on bridges too, if you aren't a bridge and tunneler. That may be why. You can't look around you, only in front. Concentrate on the toll both or the license plate on the car in front of you or the squirty thing for the windshield wipers.
The Tour of Countries was different than I imagined, I thought it was more about diverse/authentic food (and of course beer) than building replicas but the food (nor the beer) was very diverse/authentic. It's just a place to get drunk within the confines of Disney. But I liked it. Especially after a couple beers. It was a good place to hang out.
First stop was Canada, where we watched a Martin Short short film about the country to get out of the hot and had Molsons and Ice Wine afterwards while we all talked like Canadians. Growing up so close to Canada affords the family a fantastic Eastern Canadian accent.
My favorite word to say in Canadian is "Manitoba".
My favorite Canadian beverage right now is Sortilege Maple Syrup Canadian Whiskey. They didn't have that at Epcot, but I have it at home. It's great over an ice cube. It's sweet, but not sickeningly so. My friend Mikey brought it back for me from Montreal. He knows me well. I think I might try it over ice cream. Also, I used some to make the birthday cut out cookies for Jake's class (only a teaspoon or so, so it's not like I really boozed them up. It's no worse than extract) and two of the kids asked him for the recipe. It was good.
There is a mom who is buying Happy Meals for the whole class for her daughter's birthday today. Yeah. Jake asked for his regular lunch to be packed because he doesn't feel comfortable eating McD's unless it's Monday and his (adult) cousin takes him and there is a Play Place there so he can exercise too. Don't ask. I don't. I can't. It's all too much with that kid.
Happy Meals, Alkidholics, cookies, Mikey, Whiskey, Canada, oh right. Epcot.
We all ate dinner at the nice restaurant in Mexico. It was good. And I was the only one who got carded, despite being the oldest of us seven "kids" that were there. Well, second oldest- but only short by five months.
Dos Equis Amber is good. Good tasting and good for the self-image.
If you go, get the ice cream. They say it's vanilla but really it's some sort of dulce de leche and maybe the best ice cream I've ever had in my whole life. They bring it out with a candle and a song if you say it's your birthday.
Animal Kingdom on Monday. I liked the DinoLand because it was kitschy and adorable. The park was gorgeous, but it smelled like animals. Not entirely terrible and zoo-like, but you could tell there were animals there. My favorite part of that was the Asia part. It was so well done that the crowds of people only made it better. Disney sure knows how to do it up.
We did Magic Kingdom last year, and decided not to go again this year. Jacob was excited for his cousins Payton and Fia to go, "because it's really just for babies and girls". I sort of agree. If Jake was a girl, he would have loved it way more, and I probably would have enjoyed taking him way more.
Also, Jake hates anything exciting. Born of two parents who thrive on things that make other people cringe, he can't handle much more than the Dumbo ride.
"I'm the opposite of you guys", he says. "You're outdoorsy, I'm indoorsy. I'm a homebody, you're awaybodies. You're into wild things, I'm into calm things. I don't like to be risky. You're risky. It makes me nervous". Seriously, this kid lives for weekends where we get home after school on Friday and lock ourselves in until the first bell on Monday morning.
Sometimes temperaments don't match between parents and children and that can cause stress, anxiety, and frustration.
-FACT.
But he did have fun. And so did everyone else.
And we all got a gross rash from Banana Boat spray sunscreen.
Or maybe it was from going to Wal*mart to buy it. It's hard to avoid hitting up Wal*mart if you are ever in Central Florida.
This is the second year that Banana Boat sunscreen caused rashes. Last year it was the lotion sunblock in the orange squirty tube. This year the spray in the canister with the blue top. No more Banana Boat ever.
I'm going to pick up some Badger next time I go to Whole Foods.
I'm Disneyed out for at least three years. Or until Jake grows another few inches.
He shared that he's "really starting to get in to Harry Potter lately". Which is a switch from Christmastime when he "really hated Harry Potter and doesn't get why other kids like it". I told him that I still want to get him a birthday present so we'll buy the first HP book on his Kindle and read it together.
I still can't believe that kid has a Kindle.
I am happy he's really starting to get in to Harry Potter lately. And the non-animated Star Warses. I thought we were out of Cars but he re-watched Cars 2 a couple times and now he likes that. For all the reasons he didn't like it the first time (the explosions and masterminding and killing) is why he likes it now.
Welcome to 6.
Oh, and family portraits. We did those. The photographer was adorable and super talented with a great eye (oh man, does that matter) and her little girl was seriously the cutest thing you've ever seen. I'll get her information asap and post it here for anyone in Central Florida who may be looking for a photographer. She did my sister-in-law's maternity pictures and they turned out gorgeous.
We were outside in the sun so I'm guessing that my eyes are closed for most of them. I don't do well in the sun. Warm, yes. Sun, no. I have sensitive eyes. I like hot cloudy days with high humidity. I like to swim in the weather.
I forgot to take my ponytail holder off my wrist, so there will be that in the picture too. And probably my bra strap, but whatever. Also, my hair gets really big and wavy in Florida so that was getting in the way. I almost forgot about the thinning issues for five days due to the bigosity of it down there. And due to the fact that there was no grate thingy in the shower to catch all the hair so I could scoop up the clump and examine it to death.
It was a good break from reality.
Tomorrow night you can catch me and most of the boys of Asteroid! live on stage in beautiful downtown New York City!
The other girls are on vacation, I think I did a show once where I was the only girl, I'm not sure. I have confidence I can swing it. Shows where some of the people aren't there are very different than shows where everyone is there. Usually there are eight of us, tomorrow there will be five of us and I think we get a half hour set.
That's a lot of stagetime.
Pressure: On.
The family vacation went really well.
We did the Sea World water park Saturday, where they have a not-lazy river. I could have stayed in that all day. Warm water and rapids that just push you along really fast. I like really fast. I do not like lazy rivers.
Epcot on Sunday, I was really excited for the space simulator because I heard it makes people throw up. If it makes people throw up, I usually like it.
Loops, corkscrews, spins, heights, I like them all.
They help me to feel. Something. Anything.
It was cool, but I didn't feel much of anything. Proving, once again, that I am hollow and/or numb and/or dead inside. I did feel a jarring of my teeth when the ride started. That's something. Or maybe I need a dentist.
My brother said that maybe I was built for space travel. Maybe he's right. Maybe I'll join a boyband and plan a space mission and find out the hard way.
I think I am just built for spinning. The trick is to stay still and don't wiggle your eyes around in your head.
It works in tunnels and on bridges too, if you aren't a bridge and tunneler. That may be why. You can't look around you, only in front. Concentrate on the toll both or the license plate on the car in front of you or the squirty thing for the windshield wipers.
The Tour of Countries was different than I imagined, I thought it was more about diverse/authentic food (and of course beer) than building replicas but the food (nor the beer) was very diverse/authentic. It's just a place to get drunk within the confines of Disney. But I liked it. Especially after a couple beers. It was a good place to hang out.
First stop was Canada, where we watched a Martin Short short film about the country to get out of the hot and had Molsons and Ice Wine afterwards while we all talked like Canadians. Growing up so close to Canada affords the family a fantastic Eastern Canadian accent.
My favorite word to say in Canadian is "Manitoba".
My favorite Canadian beverage right now is Sortilege Maple Syrup Canadian Whiskey. They didn't have that at Epcot, but I have it at home. It's great over an ice cube. It's sweet, but not sickeningly so. My friend Mikey brought it back for me from Montreal. He knows me well. I think I might try it over ice cream. Also, I used some to make the birthday cut out cookies for Jake's class (only a teaspoon or so, so it's not like I really boozed them up. It's no worse than extract) and two of the kids asked him for the recipe. It was good.
There is a mom who is buying Happy Meals for the whole class for her daughter's birthday today. Yeah. Jake asked for his regular lunch to be packed because he doesn't feel comfortable eating McD's unless it's Monday and his (adult) cousin takes him and there is a Play Place there so he can exercise too. Don't ask. I don't. I can't. It's all too much with that kid.
Happy Meals, Alkidholics, cookies, Mikey, Whiskey, Canada, oh right. Epcot.
We all ate dinner at the nice restaurant in Mexico. It was good. And I was the only one who got carded, despite being the oldest of us seven "kids" that were there. Well, second oldest- but only short by five months.
Dos Equis Amber is good. Good tasting and good for the self-image.
If you go, get the ice cream. They say it's vanilla but really it's some sort of dulce de leche and maybe the best ice cream I've ever had in my whole life. They bring it out with a candle and a song if you say it's your birthday.
Animal Kingdom on Monday. I liked the DinoLand because it was kitschy and adorable. The park was gorgeous, but it smelled like animals. Not entirely terrible and zoo-like, but you could tell there were animals there. My favorite part of that was the Asia part. It was so well done that the crowds of people only made it better. Disney sure knows how to do it up.
We did Magic Kingdom last year, and decided not to go again this year. Jacob was excited for his cousins Payton and Fia to go, "because it's really just for babies and girls". I sort of agree. If Jake was a girl, he would have loved it way more, and I probably would have enjoyed taking him way more.
Also, Jake hates anything exciting. Born of two parents who thrive on things that make other people cringe, he can't handle much more than the Dumbo ride.
"I'm the opposite of you guys", he says. "You're outdoorsy, I'm indoorsy. I'm a homebody, you're awaybodies. You're into wild things, I'm into calm things. I don't like to be risky. You're risky. It makes me nervous". Seriously, this kid lives for weekends where we get home after school on Friday and lock ourselves in until the first bell on Monday morning.
Sometimes temperaments don't match between parents and children and that can cause stress, anxiety, and frustration.
-FACT.
But he did have fun. And so did everyone else.
And we all got a gross rash from Banana Boat spray sunscreen.
Or maybe it was from going to Wal*mart to buy it. It's hard to avoid hitting up Wal*mart if you are ever in Central Florida.
This is the second year that Banana Boat sunscreen caused rashes. Last year it was the lotion sunblock in the orange squirty tube. This year the spray in the canister with the blue top. No more Banana Boat ever.
I'm going to pick up some Badger next time I go to Whole Foods.
I'm Disneyed out for at least three years. Or until Jake grows another few inches.
He shared that he's "really starting to get in to Harry Potter lately". Which is a switch from Christmastime when he "really hated Harry Potter and doesn't get why other kids like it". I told him that I still want to get him a birthday present so we'll buy the first HP book on his Kindle and read it together.
I still can't believe that kid has a Kindle.
I am happy he's really starting to get in to Harry Potter lately. And the non-animated Star Warses. I thought we were out of Cars but he re-watched Cars 2 a couple times and now he likes that. For all the reasons he didn't like it the first time (the explosions and masterminding and killing) is why he likes it now.
Welcome to 6.
Oh, and family portraits. We did those. The photographer was adorable and super talented with a great eye (oh man, does that matter) and her little girl was seriously the cutest thing you've ever seen. I'll get her information asap and post it here for anyone in Central Florida who may be looking for a photographer. She did my sister-in-law's maternity pictures and they turned out gorgeous.
We were outside in the sun so I'm guessing that my eyes are closed for most of them. I don't do well in the sun. Warm, yes. Sun, no. I have sensitive eyes. I like hot cloudy days with high humidity. I like to swim in the weather.
I forgot to take my ponytail holder off my wrist, so there will be that in the picture too. And probably my bra strap, but whatever. Also, my hair gets really big and wavy in Florida so that was getting in the way. I almost forgot about the thinning issues for five days due to the bigosity of it down there. And due to the fact that there was no grate thingy in the shower to catch all the hair so I could scoop up the clump and examine it to death.
It was a good break from reality.
Tomorrow night you can catch me and most of the boys of Asteroid! live on stage in beautiful downtown New York City!
The other girls are on vacation, I think I did a show once where I was the only girl, I'm not sure. I have confidence I can swing it. Shows where some of the people aren't there are very different than shows where everyone is there. Usually there are eight of us, tomorrow there will be five of us and I think we get a half hour set.
That's a lot of stagetime.
Pressure: On.
3.15.2012
thursday
It's hard to complain about anything when we are gifted with such amazing weather this early in the year. My allergies are gross, but I'll put up with snot before I can put up with any more days of giant coats and thick socks. I hope the weather stays, because all the birds and squirrels are super skinny. They'll totally die if it gets cold again.
I like to think I can predict the summer by how fat the creatures are. They are skinny. Buy a fan.
I can complain about the time change, but I think everyone else has said all there is to say about that, so I'll just leave it at the worst thing for me is that my guts haven't caught up with the clocks yet.
My nice and peaceful 7am poop is now happening at 8am. At work. Ugh to the Nth, right? Work pooping is the worst pooping. I wake up and my brain is all "it's 6am but it feels like 5am. Sucks for you". Then two hours later my guts are like "it's 8am but it feels like 7am. Sucks for you".
More like sucks for poo...
We are getting a family portrait done while on vacation. Which means I have to bring things like make up and nice clothes and a comb. All things I tend to forgo while away. See also: shaving and sensible eating and setting alarm clocks.
I almost wish the weather was crappier here so that I felt like I was getting away for reals.
I have a job interview when I get back for a Big Girl Job. Good thing I bought some Fancy Pants. Wish me luck. I'm scared of change, but it's high time I had some. I'm Ready. And Willing.
I've been Ready for a long time, but Willing for a short while.
I'm usually Able to do just about anything I set my mind to, provided that Ready and Willing are there to back me up.
I think I've reached that certain age where the Less than Stellar news is on a continual roll into my life. It's been awhile since there's been a break.
My phone rang yesterday. An old friend. I expected big news since calls come fewer and more far between these days. I expected news of a move back East. A new baby. A showbiz break. Something big and good and exciting. But it wasn't. It was scary news and I didn't know what to say and I can't fix it and I felt far away and afraid and of little help and sad and angry and very very small and extremely mortal.
I have this core group of friends from high school who I never really see anymore but whenever we all get together times are good and twenty years melt away and stars align and mortgages and college loans and parenting stress and job bullschniz disappear and there is this sense that everything turned out exactly the way it was supposed to despite being rough going at times.
Even when someone isn't in your life every day it's good to know they are in the world. Good to know that the phone rings both ways even when it doesn't. It's a nice feeling, especially when you've had only a dozen or so years of life without these people, and those years were spent doing things like being a baby and learning arithmetic.
Arithmetic: A Rat In Tom's House May Eat Tom's Ice Cream.
And learning mnemonic devices to remember how to spell and categorize stuff.
HOMES
Huron Ontario Michigan Erie Superior
We all grew up on Lake Erie. In Erie. We went to the beach all the time. Even in the winter. It's just something to do when you grow up on Lake Erie. In Erie. You go to the beach all the time. Even in the winter.
We probably won't ever all go to the beach together again but we logged quite a few hours there when we were younger. We've had our fair share.
One time on a summer night sometime after eleventh (or maybe twelfth) grade we all watched a major meteor shower down on Baer Beach. It was one of the best nights of my life, even though some of us got in trouble for staying out past curfew.
The way the sky looked and the woods sounded and the beach smelled and the food tasted and the friendships felt. That's exactly how we think being a teenager is supposed to feel, and exactly how it does not feel 99.9% of the time. Instead of thinking about other teenagey stuff when I look back, I think about that night and the past doesn't seem so bad.
Funny how life turns out. How much we've all been through. How much we have in front of us.
It's easy to measure the stuff you've already done. Impossible to know what lies ahead.
I like to think I can predict the summer by how fat the creatures are. They are skinny. Buy a fan.
***
I can complain about the time change, but I think everyone else has said all there is to say about that, so I'll just leave it at the worst thing for me is that my guts haven't caught up with the clocks yet.
My nice and peaceful 7am poop is now happening at 8am. At work. Ugh to the Nth, right? Work pooping is the worst pooping. I wake up and my brain is all "it's 6am but it feels like 5am. Sucks for you". Then two hours later my guts are like "it's 8am but it feels like 7am. Sucks for you".
More like sucks for poo...
***
We are getting a family portrait done while on vacation. Which means I have to bring things like make up and nice clothes and a comb. All things I tend to forgo while away. See also: shaving and sensible eating and setting alarm clocks.
I almost wish the weather was crappier here so that I felt like I was getting away for reals.
***
I have a job interview when I get back for a Big Girl Job. Good thing I bought some Fancy Pants. Wish me luck. I'm scared of change, but it's high time I had some. I'm Ready. And Willing.
I've been Ready for a long time, but Willing for a short while.
I'm usually Able to do just about anything I set my mind to, provided that Ready and Willing are there to back me up.
***
I think I've reached that certain age where the Less than Stellar news is on a continual roll into my life. It's been awhile since there's been a break.
My phone rang yesterday. An old friend. I expected big news since calls come fewer and more far between these days. I expected news of a move back East. A new baby. A showbiz break. Something big and good and exciting. But it wasn't. It was scary news and I didn't know what to say and I can't fix it and I felt far away and afraid and of little help and sad and angry and very very small and extremely mortal.
I have this core group of friends from high school who I never really see anymore but whenever we all get together times are good and twenty years melt away and stars align and mortgages and college loans and parenting stress and job bullschniz disappear and there is this sense that everything turned out exactly the way it was supposed to despite being rough going at times.
Even when someone isn't in your life every day it's good to know they are in the world. Good to know that the phone rings both ways even when it doesn't. It's a nice feeling, especially when you've had only a dozen or so years of life without these people, and those years were spent doing things like being a baby and learning arithmetic.
Arithmetic: A Rat In Tom's House May Eat Tom's Ice Cream.
And learning mnemonic devices to remember how to spell and categorize stuff.
HOMES
Huron Ontario Michigan Erie Superior
We all grew up on Lake Erie. In Erie. We went to the beach all the time. Even in the winter. It's just something to do when you grow up on Lake Erie. In Erie. You go to the beach all the time. Even in the winter.
We probably won't ever all go to the beach together again but we logged quite a few hours there when we were younger. We've had our fair share.
One time on a summer night sometime after eleventh (or maybe twelfth) grade we all watched a major meteor shower down on Baer Beach. It was one of the best nights of my life, even though some of us got in trouble for staying out past curfew.
The way the sky looked and the woods sounded and the beach smelled and the food tasted and the friendships felt. That's exactly how we think being a teenager is supposed to feel, and exactly how it does not feel 99.9% of the time. Instead of thinking about other teenagey stuff when I look back, I think about that night and the past doesn't seem so bad.
Funny how life turns out. How much we've all been through. How much we have in front of us.
It's easy to measure the stuff you've already done. Impossible to know what lies ahead.
3.13.2012
tuesday
I found a couple pairs of new pants the other day. At Express, where I didn't think I'd have any luck. I bought those Editor pants that they are (supposedly) famous for. A little bit of a lower rise than I wanted, but they fit okay everywhere and look okay.
Dress pants are just gross anyway, so what's the difference how high they come up on your waist?
I have had them for over a week, but just wore them for the first time yesterday. Today I'm back to my pair of navy blue khakis because I am headed to a men's drug rehab/lock up this afternoon and I don't want to play the part of Professional Lady Visitor. It's a bad part to play.
I have not found a couple new kittens yet, but I'll be looking harder when we come back from vacation. Life should settle down in April and that's when kittens start coming into season. Hunting off season can be really frustrating.
1) I tried my bathing suit on the other day just to make sure it fits before I wear it in front of my family.
2) It struck me that it's weird to care what you look like in a bathing suit in front of your family so I took it off before looking in a mirror.
The Whole Family is going on vacation. I'm the only girl, but luckily all three boys are coupled up so I won't be the only girl like I was when I was a kid. Three of us have kids, one apiece. Jake is the only boy cousin. Jake has four girl cousins in all. Ask him how he feels about that next time you talk to him.
I've never been on a Whole Family vacation before. Not even as a kid. I got left at home a lot because I wasn't "good enough" to go on family vacations. True story.
Well, guess what that means? My Whole Family hasn't been on a Whole Family vacation before either, because I wasn't there.
I never knew that family vacations were happening as they were happening. They happened while I was at my moms or a friends' or something I guess. I'd find out later when the pictures got developed and left around the house or the brothers started asking why I didn't go with them. Ask me how I feel about that next time you talk to me.
I finished A Game of Thrones last night. I'm so geeked out over it all I can hardly stand it. I'm going to return it to the library and hope they have the second book. If they don't have it, I may just buy it on my Nook.
Jake got a Kindle Fire for his birthday last weekend from his Uncle who Buys Awesome Gifts. If I didn't have a Nook, I'd be jealous. The Uncle who Buys Awesome Gifts is dating the First Grade Teacher from Jake's School. I really hope he doesn't tell anyone that Miss R bought him a Kindle Fire. We should probably have that talk tonight.
It's hard to believe that I'm going to have a six year old on Saturday. We had a cake for him last weekend. It said "Happy Almost Birthday Jacob". He insisted on the "almost" part. That's how he is. Almost six going on almost 76. He was born an old man.
Dress pants are just gross anyway, so what's the difference how high they come up on your waist?
I have had them for over a week, but just wore them for the first time yesterday. Today I'm back to my pair of navy blue khakis because I am headed to a men's drug rehab/lock up this afternoon and I don't want to play the part of Professional Lady Visitor. It's a bad part to play.
***
I have not found a couple new kittens yet, but I'll be looking harder when we come back from vacation. Life should settle down in April and that's when kittens start coming into season. Hunting off season can be really frustrating.
***
1) I tried my bathing suit on the other day just to make sure it fits before I wear it in front of my family.
2) It struck me that it's weird to care what you look like in a bathing suit in front of your family so I took it off before looking in a mirror.
The Whole Family is going on vacation. I'm the only girl, but luckily all three boys are coupled up so I won't be the only girl like I was when I was a kid. Three of us have kids, one apiece. Jake is the only boy cousin. Jake has four girl cousins in all. Ask him how he feels about that next time you talk to him.
I've never been on a Whole Family vacation before. Not even as a kid. I got left at home a lot because I wasn't "good enough" to go on family vacations. True story.
Well, guess what that means? My Whole Family hasn't been on a Whole Family vacation before either, because I wasn't there.
I never knew that family vacations were happening as they were happening. They happened while I was at my moms or a friends' or something I guess. I'd find out later when the pictures got developed and left around the house or the brothers started asking why I didn't go with them. Ask me how I feel about that next time you talk to me.
***
I finished A Game of Thrones last night. I'm so geeked out over it all I can hardly stand it. I'm going to return it to the library and hope they have the second book. If they don't have it, I may just buy it on my Nook.
Jake got a Kindle Fire for his birthday last weekend from his Uncle who Buys Awesome Gifts. If I didn't have a Nook, I'd be jealous. The Uncle who Buys Awesome Gifts is dating the First Grade Teacher from Jake's School. I really hope he doesn't tell anyone that Miss R bought him a Kindle Fire. We should probably have that talk tonight.
It's hard to believe that I'm going to have a six year old on Saturday. We had a cake for him last weekend. It said "Happy Almost Birthday Jacob". He insisted on the "almost" part. That's how he is. Almost six going on almost 76. He was born an old man.
3.05.2012
big girl pants
In lieu of eating at lunchtime this afternoon, I will be pantshopping.
All one word. Pantshopping.
Shopping for pants.
I do this once every couple years. I go out and torture myself and buy three of the first pair that doesn't make me feel lessthan.
All one word. Lessthan.
Less than a sum of my whole.
For the last almost eleven years I've been gainfully employed in the social service field, I've defaulted to sturdy khaki pants, with a brief stint of woolen and linen trousers for the year or two I had an Office Job that didn't require field work. Wide legged woolen trousers. Lined. One pair I was particularly fond of was herringbone print. Light weight linen ones. Unlined. I stretched them all out when I was pregnant and refused to wear maternity pants until the last trimester so they got upcycled by a friend into handbags or coffee sleeves or whatever the hell else she was inventing down there in her basement.
I'm making a return to the Non-khaki Pant. It's time. I will most likely find myself in a job within the next two years that requires me to dress like a grown up. It's just so hard to find pants. Trousers. Slacks.
Khaki pants are easy and come in a few color choices. Though I've vowed never to buy light khaki colored khakis ever again when I posted a picture of myself online and someone thought my (wrinkly baggy) pants were my thighs. MY THIGHS! Now I can't look at anyone wearing pants within four shades of their fleshtone and not think they are half naked in a bad way. As opposed to half naked in a good way, which should never overlap with the office if you are playing your game of Professionalism correctly.
As I get a little older and my focusing abilities are backing their way out the door, I have a hard time mentally registering people wearing flesh tones colors in public. I assume they are naked and deranged. Then my eyesight catches up with me and I realize they are fully clothed. Then I think of Silence of the Lambs and skinsuits and wonder if there are any active serial killers in the area that are targeting the demographic into which I fall.
There was a murder in my neighborhood a few months ago. Brutal and nasty with throat slashings and dog maulings and stabbing and raping and electrical cord stranglings and an attempted home explosion via leaving the gas on and everything. A man in his seventies and a younger woman, maybe in her fifties or close to them. Right there on 13th below the Tasker-Morris subway stop. They made it sound like it was the crime of the century and the local paper worded everything like it was a nice old Italian man and his friend/nurse/daughter who were slaughtered by a calculating killer or maybe team of killers or even maybe some sort of deranged immigrant terrorist extremist group. It was all over the news and everyone was scared for a long time.
Turns out they caught the guy who did it right away but they didn't really report the fact they caught him. The old man was a life long scum bag, the lady was a cracked-out probable-hooker, and the guy who did it was some sort of thug and they all knew each other and everything was open and shut before the news came out that we aren't all in danger.
I love how the news does that. If they tell us we are safe, we will stop watching. Then where will they be? Out on their asses, that's where.
Asses. Pantshopping. Right.
I have no ass to speak of. Most pants are cut for ladies who are blessed with some shape back there, so 75% of most pants are totally not for me unless I like looking like my drawers are drooping. It's a bad look. I don't like it. It reminds me of prisoners.
I have longer legs and a lot of companies don't like to use the additional fabric to make inseams more than 30 or 31 inches without charging you an extra $20 or so. So that sucks. Add extra dollars for that extra fabric too.
And I need a higher rise now that I'm closer to 40 than 30 and I've had a child.
I probably shouldn't be pantshopping today since I'm due for my monthly any day now and I'm a little bit swollen around the middle and I might cry at the drop of a hat (hat sat mat bat cat. omg I miss my cat), but I think this is exactly the time to go. If they look half way decent today, they will look AWESOME two weeks from now.
Sometimes I have feelings, depending on the calendar. Last month around this time I bought some new eye makeup and when the lady at the make up counter stood back and said that she "wants to take a good look and figure out what she wants to do with my eyes because they are so doe-y" I heard that she wanted "to take a good look and figure out what she can possibly do with my eyes to make them presentable because they are so doughy".
Yeah, so what if I have a few more fine lines and less tautness to my lids and undereyes these days, who is she to call me effing doughy?
Oh. Doe-y. As in doe-like. Big doe-ish eyes.
When I was little, my mom used to call me Bambi eyes.
I'm going to go to Banana Republic since it's right up the street. Ann Taylor. And her Loft. I've been disappointed with the Gap lately, and J Crew is made for people who aren't made like me. I think I've aged out of Express, I wish we had a Limited here. I think I haven't aged into Talbots yet, plus I don't own a boat or a membership to a country club. Zara and H&M make me itch. Esprit might not be for adults. I'm not sure what else is out there, but I'm on a mission. Wish me luck.
All one word. Pantshopping.
Shopping for pants.
I do this once every couple years. I go out and torture myself and buy three of the first pair that doesn't make me feel lessthan.
All one word. Lessthan.
Less than a sum of my whole.
For the last almost eleven years I've been gainfully employed in the social service field, I've defaulted to sturdy khaki pants, with a brief stint of woolen and linen trousers for the year or two I had an Office Job that didn't require field work. Wide legged woolen trousers. Lined. One pair I was particularly fond of was herringbone print. Light weight linen ones. Unlined. I stretched them all out when I was pregnant and refused to wear maternity pants until the last trimester so they got upcycled by a friend into handbags or coffee sleeves or whatever the hell else she was inventing down there in her basement.
I'm making a return to the Non-khaki Pant. It's time. I will most likely find myself in a job within the next two years that requires me to dress like a grown up. It's just so hard to find pants. Trousers. Slacks.
Khaki pants are easy and come in a few color choices. Though I've vowed never to buy light khaki colored khakis ever again when I posted a picture of myself online and someone thought my (wrinkly baggy) pants were my thighs. MY THIGHS! Now I can't look at anyone wearing pants within four shades of their fleshtone and not think they are half naked in a bad way. As opposed to half naked in a good way, which should never overlap with the office if you are playing your game of Professionalism correctly.
As I get a little older and my focusing abilities are backing their way out the door, I have a hard time mentally registering people wearing flesh tones colors in public. I assume they are naked and deranged. Then my eyesight catches up with me and I realize they are fully clothed. Then I think of Silence of the Lambs and skinsuits and wonder if there are any active serial killers in the area that are targeting the demographic into which I fall.
There was a murder in my neighborhood a few months ago. Brutal and nasty with throat slashings and dog maulings and stabbing and raping and electrical cord stranglings and an attempted home explosion via leaving the gas on and everything. A man in his seventies and a younger woman, maybe in her fifties or close to them. Right there on 13th below the Tasker-Morris subway stop. They made it sound like it was the crime of the century and the local paper worded everything like it was a nice old Italian man and his friend/nurse/daughter who were slaughtered by a calculating killer or maybe team of killers or even maybe some sort of deranged immigrant terrorist extremist group. It was all over the news and everyone was scared for a long time.
Turns out they caught the guy who did it right away but they didn't really report the fact they caught him. The old man was a life long scum bag, the lady was a cracked-out probable-hooker, and the guy who did it was some sort of thug and they all knew each other and everything was open and shut before the news came out that we aren't all in danger.
I love how the news does that. If they tell us we are safe, we will stop watching. Then where will they be? Out on their asses, that's where.
Asses. Pantshopping. Right.
I have no ass to speak of. Most pants are cut for ladies who are blessed with some shape back there, so 75% of most pants are totally not for me unless I like looking like my drawers are drooping. It's a bad look. I don't like it. It reminds me of prisoners.
I have longer legs and a lot of companies don't like to use the additional fabric to make inseams more than 30 or 31 inches without charging you an extra $20 or so. So that sucks. Add extra dollars for that extra fabric too.
And I need a higher rise now that I'm closer to 40 than 30 and I've had a child.
I probably shouldn't be pantshopping today since I'm due for my monthly any day now and I'm a little bit swollen around the middle and I might cry at the drop of a hat (hat sat mat bat cat. omg I miss my cat), but I think this is exactly the time to go. If they look half way decent today, they will look AWESOME two weeks from now.
Sometimes I have feelings, depending on the calendar. Last month around this time I bought some new eye makeup and when the lady at the make up counter stood back and said that she "wants to take a good look and figure out what she wants to do with my eyes because they are so doe-y" I heard that she wanted "to take a good look and figure out what she can possibly do with my eyes to make them presentable because they are so doughy".
Yeah, so what if I have a few more fine lines and less tautness to my lids and undereyes these days, who is she to call me effing doughy?
Oh. Doe-y. As in doe-like. Big doe-ish eyes.
When I was little, my mom used to call me Bambi eyes.
I'm going to go to Banana Republic since it's right up the street. Ann Taylor. And her Loft. I've been disappointed with the Gap lately, and J Crew is made for people who aren't made like me. I think I've aged out of Express, I wish we had a Limited here. I think I haven't aged into Talbots yet, plus I don't own a boat or a membership to a country club. Zara and H&M make me itch. Esprit might not be for adults. I'm not sure what else is out there, but I'm on a mission. Wish me luck.
3.02.2012
hope
All the people who were saying that there would be a summer camp but couldn't give too many details?
Right. It's because there are no details to give because there is no summer camp.
square one, Back to.
I guess there was just a lot of hope from a lot of people that there would be something.
Something for the children.
Something other than Wu Tang for the children.
Not that Wu Tang is anything to fuck with, mind you.
But we need a little more.
Hope is funny like that. Hope can't make things happen but it keeps us going along stronger than we ever could without it.
It's an impetus of sort. An impetant.
Not to be confused with an impotent. Which is the exact opposite.
Impetant isn't a real word, but I use it in my head a lot.
When you don't have much to go on, you turn to hope.
We always have hope.
All we can do now is hope.
Don't lose hope.
People say a lot of things about hope.
He that lives upon hope will die fasting.
Benjamin Franklin
Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.
Mark Twain
We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
My theory has always been, that if we are to dream, the flatteries of hope are as cheap, and pleasanter, than the gloom of despair.
Thomas Jefferson
Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche
Hope is a waking dream.
Aristotle
A leader is a dealer in hope.
Napoleon Bonaparte
Everything that is done in the world is done by hope.
Martin Luther
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. Fields
Hope is the word which God has written on the brow of every man.
Victor Hugo
I think it's a mistake to ever look for hope outside of one's self.
Arthur Miller
It has been my experience that there is much more hoping and waiting and praying and wishing than there is actual doing in the world. I hope and wait and pray and wish that would change.
I mean, for the things I agree with and that would behoove me, of course. People hope and wait and pray and wish for things that probably wouldn't help my cause(s) and I'm fine with them sitting back and hoping and waiting and praying and wishing.
Ten minute later update: Looks like I found a full day summer camp in the neighborhood! I just got off the phone with the director and she said that they go bowling once a week and to the park and to the sprinkler pool at the rec and on field trips and all sorts of fun stuff. Also, it sounds like some of the kids Jake knows from the Community Center are going too, which is a stroke of luck because he does best around familiar faces. I meet with her this afternoon to check out the space and get the application packet. Breathing resumed.
Hope + action = problem potentially solved.
Right. It's because there are no details to give because there is no summer camp.
square one, Back to.
I guess there was just a lot of hope from a lot of people that there would be something.
Something for the children.
Something other than Wu Tang for the children.
Not that Wu Tang is anything to fuck with, mind you.
But we need a little more.
Hope is funny like that. Hope can't make things happen but it keeps us going along stronger than we ever could without it.
It's an impetus of sort. An impetant.
Not to be confused with an impotent. Which is the exact opposite.
Impetant isn't a real word, but I use it in my head a lot.
When you don't have much to go on, you turn to hope.
We always have hope.
All we can do now is hope.
Don't lose hope.
People say a lot of things about hope.
He that lives upon hope will die fasting.
Benjamin Franklin
Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.
Mark Twain
We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
My theory has always been, that if we are to dream, the flatteries of hope are as cheap, and pleasanter, than the gloom of despair.
Thomas Jefferson
Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche
Hope is a waking dream.
Aristotle
A leader is a dealer in hope.
Napoleon Bonaparte
Everything that is done in the world is done by hope.
Martin Luther
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. Fields
Hope is the word which God has written on the brow of every man.
Victor Hugo
I think it's a mistake to ever look for hope outside of one's self.
Arthur Miller
It has been my experience that there is much more hoping and waiting and praying and wishing than there is actual doing in the world. I hope and wait and pray and wish that would change.
I mean, for the things I agree with and that would behoove me, of course. People hope and wait and pray and wish for things that probably wouldn't help my cause(s) and I'm fine with them sitting back and hoping and waiting and praying and wishing.
Ten minute later update: Looks like I found a full day summer camp in the neighborhood! I just got off the phone with the director and she said that they go bowling once a week and to the park and to the sprinkler pool at the rec and on field trips and all sorts of fun stuff. Also, it sounds like some of the kids Jake knows from the Community Center are going too, which is a stroke of luck because he does best around familiar faces. I meet with her this afternoon to check out the space and get the application packet. Breathing resumed.
Hope + action = problem potentially solved.
3.01.2012
thursday
In three separate conversations last week regarding three separate topics, three separate people who have no way of knowing one another assured me vehemently and whole-heartedly that they "weren't Christians, they were Catholics".
It's a weird colloquial thing that I hear way too often in this little corner of the world. But maybe it's not just here. But it happens here a lot.
Sort of like people who say they don't live in Pennsylvania, they live in Philadelphia.
If I cared more, I'd introduce the Venn Diagram to these people.
These people.
Them.
I love categorizing people with whom I don't want to be associated as "those people".
I wonder how many people categorize me as "one of them" or "one of those" because they don't like something I do or something I stand for or something from which I separate myself.
Seems like the good juju sent along regarding Jacob's childcare situation is working so one thousand thank yous for that. I think the organization that runs his afterschool/summer camp has found a new home base. Hopefully. Maybe. So they say.
They.
Those people who act like they know stuff but can't really give you any details when you ask.
I'm breathing easier these days. It's scary when you aren't sure where your kid is going to land once school lets out. Summer vacation, like daylight savings time, is one of those archaic throwback things invented because of farmers. And while there are several farms dotting the Pennsylvania countryside, Philadelphia doesn't exactly have a need for children to be at home and awake at 4.30am to help in the fields. I would love to have year-round schools here. But half the schools don't even have nurses anymore, so I'm guessing that a re-vamped post-agricultural era calendar isn't high on the docket at the school board meetings.
It's a weird colloquial thing that I hear way too often in this little corner of the world. But maybe it's not just here. But it happens here a lot.
Sort of like people who say they don't live in Pennsylvania, they live in Philadelphia.
If I cared more, I'd introduce the Venn Diagram to these people.
These people.
Them.
I love categorizing people with whom I don't want to be associated as "those people".
I wonder how many people categorize me as "one of them" or "one of those" because they don't like something I do or something I stand for or something from which I separate myself.
***
Seems like the good juju sent along regarding Jacob's childcare situation is working so one thousand thank yous for that. I think the organization that runs his afterschool/summer camp has found a new home base. Hopefully. Maybe. So they say.
They.
Those people who act like they know stuff but can't really give you any details when you ask.
I'm breathing easier these days. It's scary when you aren't sure where your kid is going to land once school lets out. Summer vacation, like daylight savings time, is one of those archaic throwback things invented because of farmers. And while there are several farms dotting the Pennsylvania countryside, Philadelphia doesn't exactly have a need for children to be at home and awake at 4.30am to help in the fields. I would love to have year-round schools here. But half the schools don't even have nurses anymore, so I'm guessing that a re-vamped post-agricultural era calendar isn't high on the docket at the school board meetings.
***
I've put a call in to the Guidance Counselor and a letter in to the Kindergarten Teacher regarding Jacob and his current state of distress resulting from the Cat Death. I think that's the one that drained the camel's waterlump when it comes to his feeling safe and secure and sound. He is afraid to be away from Dave and/or I because he thinks one of us is going to die while he is at school. I don't blame him. In the past year and not-even-one-half he has seen the loss of my grandmother, his grandfather, his great-grandfather, his grandparents' dog, a friend of Dave's, and now Tyler. That's hard for the grown ups in the family. I can't imagine what it's like for a child who is only three or so years into his Awareness of All Things Going on around Him.
I'm 35 and I'm a little worried that someone else is going to die.
Just saying.
Please don't die.
***
Davy Jones is dead, I'm sure you've heard. Yesterday afternoon, I was caught in a conversation with a group of people who knew who Davy Jones was, sort of...
Yes Davy Jones was in a band that sung silly songs. No he didn't sing the silly song about living underwater with an octopus or maybe in a submarine or something.
Yes Davy Jones recently married a younger woman. No she wasn't missing a leg.
Yes Davy Jones was British. No he wasn't knighted.
***
I had a really hard day at work the other day. Not work load hard, but emotionally hard.
Those are coming more often these days. Whatever the opposite of "fewer and further between" is, that's how they are coming.
There are some really shitty parents in this world who think they are doing the right thing.
Cover with foil. Bake for like an hour or so. Ish. At, gosh, I don't know. 375? 425? You know your oven better than I do. Uncover for ten minutes and continue baking. You can turn off your oven at this point if you like to cook green. Another green tip is to not preheat and just throw the pan in when you're ready. I wouldn't recommend that with baking sweets, but with casserole type things it's fine. Let it sit (set?) for fifteen minutes or so before cutting.
It's amazing, even for meat eaters.
Those are coming more often these days. Whatever the opposite of "fewer and further between" is, that's how they are coming.
There are some really shitty parents in this world who think they are doing the right thing.
***
I'm making vegetable lasagna for friends tomorrow night.
That sounds like a new gaming app.
I like to buy the fresh homemade ricotta cheese and sharp provolone from the cheese shop around the corner but store-bought is fine too. You can even go with the low fat stuff.
I use those oven-ready noodles.
And I prefer sauce from a jar. Trader Joe's Tomato Basil Marinara I think it's called.
I don't have any at the house, I need to get to TJ's somehow today. Ours is super convenient, at the edge of downtown and right on the trolley line.
Mix a whole bunch of ricotta cheese with a whole bunch of shredded mozzarella and add an egg, some black pepper, nutmeg, cinnamon, italian seasoning, and a thawed/well-drained block of frozen spinach. Trust me on the nutmeg and cinnamon. Measurements? I don't know. Just put some in until you can smell it. I'm not good with measurements.
Put some sauce on the bottom of your lasagna pan. Then a layer of noodles. Then some shredded carrots. Then some of that cheese mix then some slices of provolone. Then some sliced zucchini and yellow squash in lieu of another layer of noodles. Carb smart! Then sauce. Carrots. Cheese mix. Provolone. Sauce. Noodles. Cheese mix. Sauce. Provolone. Keep going until you reach the top, it doesn't matter what order. Parmesan cheese on top.
Cover with foil. Bake for like an hour or so. Ish. At, gosh, I don't know. 375? 425? You know your oven better than I do. Uncover for ten minutes and continue baking. You can turn off your oven at this point if you like to cook green. Another green tip is to not preheat and just throw the pan in when you're ready. I wouldn't recommend that with baking sweets, but with casserole type things it's fine. Let it sit (set?) for fifteen minutes or so before cutting.
It's amazing, even for meat eaters.
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