new year

Every day my guts say "write!" but my schedule and my motivation say "just kidding!".

Work is steady, but who knows for how long. Through June for sure.  Through December maybe.  Through June 2015 hopefully.  This isn't a new thing for me, I wish we would just know how long this grant will last.  I have so many irons in the fire right now and I know I need to sit down and pull some out.  My biggest fears remain the same.
1) Financial ruin
2) No healthcare

Money come, money go. Sometime fast, sometime slow. I'm not a proud person and I don't mind waiting tables.  In fact, I prefer waiting tables to anything else I've ever done.
I always said that when the Affordable Health Care Act is up and running I'm going to run right along with it and start doing what I love.  Unfortunately for me I need to find something that I love which pays about what I'm making doing what I do now.  I enjoy my work but I've been due for a change for years now.  Pregnancy and its resulting baby put a monkey in that wrench these past two years but we've hit that sweet spot where Jacob is willing and able to do a whole lot for himself and he loves school and Nicholas is little enough to not know he's not getting picked up earlyish and big enough to keep himself entertained until I get there.

There are so many things that I worry about that are clearly vestiges of the person I was thirty years ago.  The child I was. No one is going to be forced to move from house to house to house. There will always be food in the kitchen. No one is going to be punished for eating too much of the food. No one will have to worry about clean clothes that fit well. No one is going to forget to pick up my children. 

I won't have to move from house to house to house.
I will always make sure there will be food in the kitchen.
I won't be punished for eating too much food.
I won't have dirty clothes or clothes that don't fit well.
I won't forget to pick up my children.
They won't be a nuisance to the caregiver that was supposed to go home a half hour ago.
They will be fed and clothed and loved and sheltered and gathered because I am the one responsible for those things.

If only I can summon bravery, I'll be all set.

Dave and I have a few ideas.  A plan that may be set into motion.  It will take time and guts and money and energy and blood and tears and sweat.  And a good amount of blind faith.  We'll see. 


Ugh, how about that Affordable Health Care Act, right guys?  Right?

On my end of things I've only seen people benefit from it.  Anyone who "lost their benefits" will actually be benefiting from the new benefits. And that's quite beneficial for them.  If I turn on the news I will hear that this isn't the case everywhere.  If I turn the channel, I will hear that this is the case everywhere. I don't turn on the television very often due to this phenomenon.

Of course in my field we are all very pro-AHC but I work closely with several people/agencies of faith and some of them are totally hung up on this birth control thing. 

My argument is two-fold.
1) So you're saying that you can't trust your co-workers, employees, and their dependents to uphold the virtues and values that you hold true, or you're saying that you can't accept people making decisions that you wouldn't make for yourself?  Because I'm a little hung up on that one. You do you boo. Don't worry about everyone else. 
2) You don't think that God is stronger than birth control? Because I know what happens when you put Vaseline on a condom and I'm assuming that God is at least stronger than Vaseline.  So what's the difference?

I do understand that people don't want to pay for anything that goes against their value system.  I speak with my wallet.
I don't shop at Wal*Mart.  But that doesn't mean that I think that Wal*Mart shouldn't exist because I know that Wal*Mart fills a need in our society.  What is that need?  I don't know.  But sometimes I duck in there because I really need some sunscreen whilst in Florida and if you've ever been to Florida you know that there aren't many options outside of the local Wal*Mart.  There is seriously like one Wal*Mart for every seven Floridians.  I hear it's like that in other parts of the country too. 

Some of my tax dollars go to programs that I don't agree with.  But I still pay my taxes because those programs employ people (yay employment!) and there is bound to be someone whose life is made just a little bit better by that program.  Even if I think it's stupid or enabling or ineffective or goes against Best Practices or whatever.  Because I stand by the belief that we all need to make a few compromises to serve the greater good. 

I don't compromise my morals and values, but sometimes I compromise my dollars.


I've been doing well.  The kids are doing well.  Jacob got straight As again this quarter and is reading a grade and a half above grade level and will soon be testing for a yellow belt in judo.  That's good news.  Nicholas is finally being moved from the infant room to the toddler room at daycare.  He's 14 months old and walking but not talking.  Or sleeping much.  Sometimes he hits other people.  With his hands.

I haven't been onstage in three months but that will change soon.  Our now-defunct improv troupe won Best Improv Group in the Philadelphia comedy awards again this year.  I wasn't there to accept the award because I never thought in a million years that lightening would strike there twice and I had something else to do that night.  Shame on me. 
I'm done with improv and moving on to Storytelling.  I'll do a workshop in a couple weeks and another one in March and I hope to hit up a couple shows in the meantime and by April I want to be on the bill of some show, some where.  I think that's do-able. 

I'm excited and nervous. 
I feel those feelings behind my shoulder blades and in the nape of my neck.


Shinny said...

Welcome back! I missed you but obviously was too darn lazy to just freaking email you. ;) Wishing you the best in your future projects. Take care and hope to hear from you soon.

Lana Dramstad said...

Funny, that's exactly where I feel those feelings!!

Jayson said...

Somehow we landed in a a Florida location where Walmart is just about the most inconvenient store to shop at. Weird.